Dd ruined graduation

[DrudgeyPants]

I didn’t put this in aibu because I’m feeling too miserable to get a bashing, but perhaps I am bu.

Dd’s graduation yesterday. It was 3 hours away so we stayed in a nice hotel for a treat. On the morning dd received a job rejection, and that was it. She descended into a foul mood.

The day was an abject failure. After the ceremony dd snapped that she was off to return her gown. “But the photos….” we said weakly and dd replied sarcastically that there would be no photos.

Everyone else was being jolly but not us. We stood around for a bit, me feeling like an idiot trussed up in a new dress. Dh and I were hissing at each other not to lose it as we were both feeling a bit teary. We were supposed to be going out for a nice meal, but dd said she wasn’t bothered so we drove home. And that was it.

Today dh has gone into work; I had taken another day off but I’m just doing the washing and cleaning. Dd has gone out.

I wasn’t building this graduation up (I have been to others!) but for dd to spoil it so thoroughly for both her and us mugs has left me feeling very down.

At what point did you tell her she was being a brat and needed to sort herself out because you'd gone to a lot of effort to attend for her?

Graduations involve a lot of standing and sitting around, they're incredibly boring anyway, so you didn't miss much by not seeing your daughter get her photo taken.
You and your husband could have still went out for dinner or done something you like, you still can, today! It's early, book lunch or dinner somewhere for yourself, and your husband if he wants to go.

Graduations involve a lot of standing and sitting around, they're incredibly boring anyway, so you didn't miss much by not seeing your daughter get her photo taken.
They are not in the least bit boring.

Has she said anything since? Any regrets on her side?

How would she have reacted if you had jollied her along and just carried on with the meal and photos?

It was her choice not to make the best of it though.

It's natural to be disappointed when you were looking forward to a special occasion but your dd wasn't being stroppy over something ridiculous like you turning up in the wrong colour dress (and yes, some SM obsessed young graduates do try to dictate a colour code).

Presumably, she had really wanted this job and was very upset to be rejected. She doesn't yet have the maturity to be able to put those feelings aside and put on a brave face.

I can understand why she didn't feel like going out for a fancy meal but there's no reason why you and your dh couldn't have gone for a meal before driving home.

I hope you were both able to put your disappointment aside and sympathise with your dd over the job rejection.

You should have gone for dinner without her

I thought it would make matters worse to tell her she wasn’t being awful. It wasn’t the photos per se, but her announcing that she wasn’t having one, a done deal.

Cool. All the ones I've been to have been.

Once she has calmed down I think you should have a chat about it all and that if she kicks off like that every time she gets a job rejection her life will be difficult. She is still young so she has tons to learn and experience.

Well I suppose it's her graduation.

BUT

I would also feel sad that a special occasion, which celebrated her achievements and acknowledged my/our supporting role had been binned off.

I think she will come to regret it. Maybe quite soon.

Oh yes, we truly sympathised about the job rejection - but to spoil everything and to be so thunderous the whole day was upsetting.

Oh I’m so sorry that would’ve really upset me too.

My dts graduated last year and it was a special time. I’m afraid she’s likely to have to grow a thick skin regarding job rejections, mine have had to run this gauntlet and continue to do so. It’s horrible, but she can’t bring everyone around her down because of it.

That’s a real shame - when she gets a job in the coming months and everything’s fine again, she’ll suddenly regret not having the graduation photo. Maybe sit it out, and when she’s back on an even keel, suggest a re-do trip, with a borrowed gown - it might even be a family joke in years to come?

It did feel disrespectful to us all round.

Make your own stand on this. Let her grow up and don’t do things for her at home. Was she disappointed with her grade? She is being very ungrateful and you will do her no favours if you pander to her. The sad thing is there will be no photos to display and she will bitterly regret this one day. It will be something you will never be able to talk about. Silly girl. Now tell her that she needs to put all her energy into job hunting, which isn’t easy. The sooner she gets her own life the better.

Graduation ceremonies are about the parents who've supported their kids getting to that point in their lives every bit as much as celebrating the graduate's accomplishments so damn right your entitled to be angry to have this taken away from you. Let her know that once you're not feeling quite so sad about the day - I hope she feels bad once she realises what she's taken from you.

Does she have form for this sort of behaviour?
I would feel the need to have a calm conversation with her about her behaviour, she would do well to understand that considering other people is important, even when you’re feeling disappointed.

Im sorry it didn’t go well, I’d be pissed off with my dc in these circumstances. I’d be super annoyed at not having a picture in her gown!

Who told you that? It's not true.

Oh god, I feel for you. My dd's graduation was a similar damp squid. We did at least get the photos (dd wanted them as much as we did) but that was all. She had anxiety issues and refused to engage with anyone, then refused to attend the ceremony! Dh and I sat and listened to speeches and watched complete strangers graduate while our dd sat with a member of staff and was finally persuaded by her to join the queue when her subject was called so she could at least shake hands with whoever it was. Afterwards, when everyone else was chatting and eating, we were standing around like lemons whilst dd gave back her gown and we were gone within minutes. The celebratory dinner was a wash out too, not really anyone's fault, but the restaurant chosen was awful, bad service, horrid food, very loud, could hardly hear oneself think let alone hold a conversation. My normally very passive dh actually complained to the staff and we left after one course.

No disappointment with grade - in fact to make matters worse she received top academic prize. You’d have thought she was being presented with a dog poo by her facial expression.

Was said at my children's graduation ceremonies. Parents got a round of applause.

Oh, what a shame for you all. The problem is that job rejections feel so PERSONAL and she won't have much experience or the emotional maturity to handle it in any other way than as a 'dumping'. Rejection is horrible at any age but much worse for youngsters. The job market is a dumpster fire and she'll probably be hugely stressed. She'll need support for her next steps - I'd get her working in ANYTHING asap. Good luck OP and don't take it personally. X

This seems really unhealthy

She needs to learn to deal with rejection. It happens a lot. Tik tok tells them that they will be rich and get everything they want, and they won’t have to struggle and try like their parents.
it’s time to grow up. You need to tell her.

@EverardDeTroyes - oh no! How long did it take you to laugh about this? If ever!