DD is pregnant at 14

[user224422]

Can’t believe I am writing this my DD is pregnant and she’s only 14. I’m shocked I posted on here for some support as I am a single parent and haven’t told anyone. My head is all over the place 😔

@FrazzledHippy describing this as a ‘simple medical procedure’ is bad, it’s really something to rethink. Even if choosing to have the procedure and feeling sure in your decision, that’s a brutal way to view it.

OP, your DD needs her mother’s support and relying on your experience to guide her. She’s lucky have a mother who she trusts.

Oh I feel for you both
BPAS urgently as they will talk her through everything as obviously it will be a surgical termination, safe and quick practically speaking
im glad she came to you, it speaks volumes about your relationship.

I had a stillbirth at 35 weeks, and it was traumatic because I had planned, wanted and loved the baby. But personally, I wouldn't compare my adult experience of a stillbirth with the termination of a pregnancy at 20 weeks for a 14 year old child who did not plan the baby, who does not love or want it, who is not ready to be a parent and has no idea how to go about it, who is still at school, for whom the trauma would lie in being forced to carry to full term (whilst attending school with her friends) and then give birth to a baby she didn't want, again whilst still at school. It really does not do to be comparing our adult feelings about pregnancy loss with that very different situation.

She's 14. She's a child herself. Give your head a wobble please. She needs to be in school.

OP

Does your GP's surgery have an online booking system?

I would book for Monday, so that she can see the GP as soon as possible.

You may need to ring first thing Monday if that is how appointments are booked.

She doesn't need to see a GP. Much quicker to go direct to the BPAS or Marie Stopes,

For a surgical abortion, she'll be asleep, she won't know anything about it, and then she can go home and resume her childhood.

I'm sorry for your loss, however I do think that having to deliver a 19 week old fetus is going to be traumatic for a 14 year old, or probably anyone, no matter how right they feel about it or how much relief they have. The process is going to be traumatic no matter what.

Whilst I understand and respect her wish for an abortion, does she understand that she will have to deliver the baby at this stage? There is also a risk the baby will be born with a heartbeat. This NHS info explains it well and neutrally.

If it were my daughter I'd be keen to make sure she had decent counselling beforehand from someone experienced with teenagers to help her decide. Whatever route she goes down is going to be traumatic, but making sure she makes an informed decision is extremely important for her future wellbeing.

I feel awful for you both. A horrid situation. Sending strength.

If they can do it that way, then so much the better. However, I hope it won't be ignored as 'done with'. It's still a lot for a 14 year old to cope with. Maybe some counselling afterwards.

According to the NHS link above she's too late for a surgical abortion. She will have to deliver the baby.

We who? Honestly the "I think we have to realise...". How many babies have you been impregnated with and carry to full term? There's a harder question implied that I won't write down for sensitivity.

This is a child of 14 years old in distress in a very difficult situation. It looks like it doesn't matter what she decides as long as she remains healthy and well looked after. Seems choices are being discussed with the mum and daughter.

I think that if this child wants a termination then not having one would be more harmful for her than having one.

I'm sorry if you're triggered by my wording, but I'll not edit it. Your assigning your own emotions to the situation, whereas, as medical procedures go, an abortion, even a late term one, is a simple procedure. It's not complex brain surgery.

Any option chosen now will be traumatic and have an effect and OPs DD will probably benefit from some counselling to help her process her emotions afterwards.

However, I think what really needs a rethink, is all the pro lifers looking for a bun fight and derailing OPs thread about her child. CHILD. This isn't some adult posting about callously having several abortions and still not using birth control. It's a mother, posting for support whilst her child is in a desperate situation. Children shouldn't be having children and children most certainly shouldn't be forced into giving birth or pressured into giving birth or ill advised until they continue a pregnancy against their better judgement.

The young person has indicated her TOP choice She can now access support & advice how to proceed with ToP. <a class="break-all" href="//https:www.nupas.co.uk/abortion-care/surgical-abortion/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">NUPAS advice
I appreciate it’s emotive ,for some, but at the centre off this is a child (and her mother). Centre and key is the autonomy and choice of the young person.
TOP is a straightforward day surgery procedure with recovery at home.
Women need to be able to make informed health choices without emotional pressure, religious or social pressure and not be exposed to overly alarmist
Warnings.

Most women can and do make full recovery (physical and mentally) and continue with work or studies

By all means have your pov, but allow a capacitous young person to make the choice that’s in their best interest

It's unlikely that she'll be under general, unless there are complications they'll usually opt for vaginal delivery rather than c section for safety reasons, especially at that age.

No she won't. BPAS provides surgical abortion up to 23w6d

https://www.bpas.org/abortion-care/abortion-treatments/surgical-abortion/

Yeah it’s so simple. Let’s pressure a child to give birth to a full term pregnancy then give the baby up for adoption. Op isn’t asking for advice on this. Her daughter wants a termination.

NO, no stop with the misinformation. She can safely have. TOP as day surgery
https://www.nupas.co.uk/abortion-care/surgical-abortion/

Interesting. I wonder why the NHS doesn't? Or at least the large London teaching hospital in the link above doesn't which seems surprising if BPAS can. I hope shell be able to access appropriate services in time.

I've carried 5 babies to full term, but I don't see how that's relevant. I had anatomy scans at 19/20 weeks. I've known women who have lost babies at that stage. It's half way through. It's no longer 'easy'.

I'm not sure how sharing an NHS link is misinformation?

Yes but that doesn't mean that the procedure isn't also traumatic, even if less so.