DD is pregnant at 14

[user224422]

Can’t believe I am writing this my DD is pregnant and she’s only 14. I’m shocked I posted on here for some support as I am a single parent and haven’t told anyone. My head is all over the place 😔

The NHS does provide D&E surgical abortions under GA from around 15 weeks up to the legal limit of 23 weeks and 6 days.

Because it was specific to that NHS Trust - not all Trusts operate the same policy. This information is more accurate: https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/abortion/what-happens/

But it's not about you...

Nosy? Because OP asked for advice and my advice would be to ensure her DD is having consensual sex with another person her age not a 30yr old! She could have been groomed.

No, but it’s not about the other commenters who have shared their experiences the other way either. Still, good to get all these views as they are an indication of how things might turn out be better for OP’s daughter. While she says she wants to terminate, clearly at that age she can’t really make an informed and mature decision or know how she will feel about it in the future. Which is not be any means to say her wishes should be set aside, just that it’s worth bearing in mind that the situation isn’t clear cut.

For those who have said the baby is just ‘cells’ and let’s go with terminations up to 24 weeks. No. Babies under 24 weeks have been born and survived. Even those who are not yet viable are well formed very small babies, as a midwife described it to me. They are living beings, even though they couldn’t yet live independently they have experience. Obviously if there is a pressing medical need then it can be the right thing to terminate and can spare some children the suffering of being born later and living a short and painful existence, or it may be to save the life of the mother. Heartbreaking decisions many have had to make.

sorry, autocorrect there….it should just say an indication of how things might turn out for OP’s daughter

Oh poor, poor girl OP. What a shock for her and you. I did not realise she didn’t even know.

OP and her DD are in the UK, and her DD has said she wants a termination so how is it relevant what a lost pregnancy is classified as in the US and Australia? In the UK, a stillbirth is classified as the death of a baby after 24 completed weeks of pregnancy (so after our legal limit for termination). Given that Australia has the same 24 week legal limit for terminations as the UK (and later in some states with additional approvals) it seems rather contradictory that their classification of a stillbirth is earlier than the legal limit for a termination.
When I had a surgical termination at 12 weeks under general anaesthetic at 17yrs old I felt nothing but relief when I woke up and have never regretted my decision, so do stop posting as if "a primal wound" and "trauma" are inevitable - they're not. The decision to abort - or not - is a deeply personal one that only the female concerned has the right to make. You are not OP's DD so stop saying how she will feel - you have no idea.

@Inyournewdress "For those who have said the baby is just ‘cells’ and let’s go with terminations up to 24 weeks. No. Babies under 24 weeks have been born and survived."
What do you mean "No."? Surely you're aware that the legal limit for abortion in the UK is 23 weeks and 6 days? Even the NHS states that "most babies born before 24 weeks cannot live because their lungs and other vital organs are not developed enough" so that legal limit was set (and has been in place for 35 years) for good reason.

I had a surgical (awake) 21 years ago and have yet to find any evidence of primal wounding. In fact, it was one of the easiest, most sensible decisions I have ever made.

@Inyournewdress "While she says she wants to terminate, clearly at that age she can’t really make an informed and mature decision or know how she will feel about it in the future. " How patronising. You're seriously suggesting that a 14yr old can't make an informed and mature decision? Are you a close personal friend of OP's DD? How do you know what she can or can't do? From my own experience at BPAS, OP's DD will be provided with all the information she needs to make the decision that's best for her. And how does anyone know how they "will feel about" anything "in the future" without a crystal ball?! 🙄

@Inyournewdress

Yep, lots of girls/women don’t find it very traumatising, if at all.

@Inyournewdress

Are you seriously suggesting that this 14year old child remains pregnant?? She’s a child! And who do you think is going to help look after the baby, support them both financially etc etc?

OP’s daughter and her life is what counts here, not the life of a foetus.

I know right?

@Inyournewdress seems to suggest that OP’s child remains pregnant, gives birth and devotes her life to caring just in case she regrets an abortion in years to come because she can’t be trusted to make a choice about her own body and her own life now. Madness.

@AngelicKaty - @Inyournewdress is probably American.

It certainly does. Look at Sue Radford🤷‍♀️

@user224422 I know said tomorrow might be too soon but I would suggest making the call asap. They can then give the right counselling, they are very used to dealing with this and won’t sway her either way but the sooner she’s in system (which ever way it ends) the better I would say.

Agreed if she's 19weeks she needs to be seen ASAP.

@WasherWoman25 Hopefully the call will go ahead tomorrow, DD wanted to do it tomorrow because her sisters are around today and tomorrow they will be at school.
The BPAS website states that she will need to be alone for the phone call does anyone know if that applies to children too? She's a bit worried about being on her own.

I made the call to BPAS on my own at 17, but that was because I dealt with it on my own (it was decades ago anyway). Maybe your DD could call them with you there and tell them you're present as she needs your support and ask if it's OK? I think their primary reason for wanting the caller to be alone is to ensure they're not being coerced by anyone into making a decision they're not happy with, so maybe there will be parts of the conversation where they ask for you to leave so they can speak to your DD alone.

Hope you talk to someone today and get booked in ASAP.

Thinking of you today OP.🤗 Good luck with the phone call to BPAS - I hope it gives your DD some clarity and you're both able to move forward with whatever decision she finally makes.

@user224422

Was she able to speak to someone who could help her when she called today,
OP?

Hopefully, everything will be resolved very soon.

Personally I probably wouldnt have an abortion except for something pretty serious. However at 14 it's the sensible decision and if she is sure just support her.

I'd let her make the call alone initially but it would be good if she said she'd told you and you will support her whatever she decides.

@TheSquareMile yes she had a consultation today over the phone and tomorrow she has phone call with a counsellor.
Thank you to everyone for the support no one else knows so it helps to chat on here