Why have so many kids if you're struggling so much already?

[AmusedTaupePlayer]

Not sure where to post this, but I know someone who I'm really trying to understand. She has autism and a number of serious mental health diagnoses. She's estranged from her abusive family, can't work due to disability, and her relationship with the kids' father has ended.
She now has four children, at least one of whom is also disabled (epilepsy), and I just can’t wrap my head around it. Raising even one child is hard enough, let alone four, and with so many challenges already stacked against you — why bring children into that?
I'm not judging her as a person — I think she’s doing her best — but I keep wondering whether it's fair on the kids when you know you can’t offer stability or support, especially if you’re also navigating trauma yourself.
Is it naive of me to think people should try to get themselves into a stable place before bringing children into the mix? Am I missing something? Genuinely open to different views.

Yes they do. Which has nothing to do with UFSM or FSM or paid meals.

Quite often we don't as these days the poor kids get a lot more than poor kids back then. Now things like uniform is provided so they have that. Some kids who have money do not provide proper uniform etc. So it really is hard to tell these days.

The poorest kid in my school has dunks! The richest kid wears Asda.

where do they get the money from

All kids get free lunches in the UK up to 7 years old. All get a free breakfast. No one knows who gets a free lunch beyond that as payment or none payment is made from home.

From their job.

I'm responding to the posters saying you can't tell which are the poor kids in school. I disagree. In my experience you always can. Even when the 'poor kids' are wearing the expensive shoes and other kids wear Asda, as someone else said. I don't claim to know the exact details and I'm not saying it's an 'at first glance' thing, but school kids and their parents tend to learn where each other live, what their parents do and various other lifestyle cues and it becomes obvious. Most of the time I don't think the kids care, but they still know.

As an example, we live in a big, amazing house. We've put everything into that and don't have spare cash for a lot else lately. One of my daughter's friends lives in a tiny, cramped, rented apartment with their grandparents too. However they travel a lot, have horses with regular private lessons and brand new cars. This child's birthday party costs thousands every year. They choose to spend their money differently to us but probably have a similar amount coming in. The point is, the kids notice. They don't understand the nuances exactly, but they do notice and in my experience always have.

If she has lots of issues it’s likely she doesn’t make decisions in the same way as you or may lack some insight. You can’t judge everyone as though they have the same intelligence, background, upbringing or understanding as you do. Many do not.

What is the % of FSM in your child's class?

This is the problem

Do people not read? I had explained already that I'm not in the UK so the free school meals thing is not relevant here.

Nah I just read the bit about being psychic. Thought you'd know I hadn't read it. 😉

🙄OK, maybe start a new thread then because carrying on this discussion is derailing this one.

Goodness me. And there is the government suggesting people do have more children because the birth rate is dropping so much. Not that I’m suggesting it’s their business, but you are out of step, and judgey.

People don't have kids because they can't afford them due to things like sky high taxes and house prices. Only high earners and those people that live consequence free lives on benefits can knock out kids without worrying about providing for them.

Perhaps more people could afford their own kids, if they weren't supporting other people to have four kids?

So please do not derail.