Transgender 4 year old wanting to join girls only group

[Helpwithdivorce]

So I’ll preface this by saying im very much a live your life however you please as long as you’re not hurting anybody kind of person. However I run a group, which is just for girls aged 4-7.

I’ve had a request from a parent for their child to join. The child is 4 and the parent said they are transgender. Now here is my predicament, which may be rightly or wrongly.

Firstly I feel like this mother is just out to cause drama, there are other very similar mixed gender groups, there is no reason this child needs to join a group only for girls.

Secondly I simply do not believe that a 3/4 year old child knows that they are transgender. I feel this is being peddled by the mother, again feeding the drama.

What would you do? I really don’t want this mother in my group, but the group is ‘inclusive’ so I can’t say no you can’t join.
Currently I’ve just ignored the request.

I wonder if it’s because they can’t get into Beavers till they’re 6? And Squirrel’s groups are few and far between. I wonder if mum is saying that to just get her child in because the options for boys are so limited in comparison. It’s really fucking annoying that the ages are so different.

I don’t know anything about this though, can’t you defer to whoever is in charge of your district? Or above them?

So this is a 4 year old boy whose mother says he's wanting to be a girl.

Just say no, the group is for girls and at 4 he's not capable of making a decision over his gender.

I got the impression the child was biologically a boy whose mum was trying to identify him into Rainbows. So they've never been a girl to go back to it.

Because he’s not a girl, and the group is for girls.

As a parent of boys I absolutely gravitate towards mixed sex groups. But I'm coming to realise that the benefits of a single sex group for girls, in this patriarchal society, is so that girls don't just get channelled into so called "girly" things.

In a group of girls, there still might be the perception that there are the sporty ones, the sciencey ones, the nerdy ones, the loud ones etc etc but the great thing is they're all girls.

Gender stereotyping is rife in primary school sadly. There is definitely a case to be made for even quite young girls having a space away from boys.

Why can't the child go to Squirrels?

Imagine a parent actually doing this. "You've got to adapt and change your group because my son wants to be part of it"?
Such entitlement.

I agree - boys spaces are being eroded and I think it’s harmful.

If you advertise as single sex then you would be breaking the law to allow this child in.

If you are mixed sex then you have to allow this child, along with all biological males who want to join as well.

Thats literally the law. It really is that simple. You can piss around with the word “inclusive” and use it as an excuse to break the law.

Are you a single sex group or not?

Sorry I can’t reply to everyone.
I don’t think I can just say no you can’t join as so far as I know girlguiding stance is that If you say you’re a girl you can join.

I agree with those saying they’d remove their child. I would too. I don’t want boys in my group. Unless girlguiding change it to mixed sex and at that point I’d probably retire.

I just don’t want or need the drama. This isn’t the child’s decision it’s the parents at this age. The child has no idea what it is to be a boy or a girl

Can you contact your local GG branch (or however it works) and tell them that you have a male child wanting to join (as confirmed by his mother) and you don’t want to break the law following the recent SC judgement which make it clear that a provision for girls is for female children only, @Helpwithdivorce?

You could argue that an all girls group needs to be all girls for single sex activities and toilets. So a boy cannot join.

How have you missed the message here 😂

I probably missed it, but OP hasn't mentioned whether it's definitely a male child? Or is it a female child who identifies as a boy? If it was the second, I'd definitely let the child join; girls shouldn't be excluded from girls organisations however they identify. If it's a boy, given GGHQ's position, I don't think you have much leeway to decline beyond 'the waiting list' and 'waiting for supreme court updated policy'.

Off topic but I lost all respect for the Scouts (those who run it) ever since my disabled DS was treated like shit by them. Inclusivity only applies to some it seems.

I’d ignore for now, but if pushed again, suggest Squirrels which is age 4-6 in Scouts and accepts girls and boys.

It’s a male child with a boys name

I don’t think I can just say no you can’t join as so far as I know girlguiding stance is that If you say you’re a girl you can join.

That is out of date surely and they are slow in changing their policy.

There is no way a pubescent boy of 14 should be with girl guides - what about the camping trips, the toilets, the periods they will be experiencing?

The Guides need to get up to date.

Refuse politely. What can the mum realistically do about it?

Why are his feelings - or his batshit parent’s feelings, more likely - more important than the feelings of all the girls in the group??

clue: they’re not.

He can join a group for boys.

But you can bet a parent like that is going to be a self-obsessed nightmare throughout.

It’s rainbows. Not guides. The children are 4 to 6. This argument doesn’t work in this case.

But, it doesn’t need to. The law is clear. If you are a single sex group then you cannot accept that child unless you poke the group up to ALL biological male children as well.

Really sorry to hear that, I would say that’s not all Scout groups. Ours is very inclusive and has several disabled children. We are a large group though and have the capacity to give extra support.

Boys and girls can do beavers, the child can do that instead of rainbows which is just girls

Same here. My daughter loved Rainbows and loves Brownies, one factor is that it is a girl group, she has friends who are boys but likes that time each week of being with all girls.

Yes but the OP keeps quoting Guides as a roadmap for her decision and how Guides would permit him to join.

(Which is hard to believe.)