Transgender 4 year old wanting to join girls only group

[Helpwithdivorce]

So I’ll preface this by saying im very much a live your life however you please as long as you’re not hurting anybody kind of person. However I run a group, which is just for girls aged 4-7.

I’ve had a request from a parent for their child to join. The child is 4 and the parent said they are transgender. Now here is my predicament, which may be rightly or wrongly.

Firstly I feel like this mother is just out to cause drama, there are other very similar mixed gender groups, there is no reason this child needs to join a group only for girls.

Secondly I simply do not believe that a 3/4 year old child knows that they are transgender. I feel this is being peddled by the mother, again feeding the drama.

What would you do? I really don’t want this mother in my group, but the group is ‘inclusive’ so I can’t say no you can’t join.
Currently I’ve just ignored the request.

The more I've thought about it the less convinced I am about taking the kid to a mixed sex group.

Even there's it's an issue asking other little kids to pretent the child is opposite sex to what they actually are.

Where do you start trying to explain something you don't believe in, makes no sense to 4 and 5 yo kids?

And there is the questionable legal stuff. If you let a boy use the girls toilets where does that put you legally?

God love teachers and schools trying to walk this tight rope when your mortgage depends on it.
At least as a volunteer you can walk away.

I’d be completely with you on this, except that Girlguiding UK’s policy has not (yet, hopefully) been updated in the light of the Supreme Court judgement and if OP, a GG volunteer who is bound by their policies, does what you say, they risk being kicked out of Girlguiding and publicly humiliated even if what they are doing is legally correct. This has happened several times.

@mymumwouldntapprove But surely the law/supreme court ruling supersedes what the now out-of-date policy states?

(and I think op has stated that she would be willing to leave already)

You’d think so, but no.

and why should she have to leave?!

And Boys Brigade is officially mixed sex (now known as Boys Brigade and Girls Assocation I think).

Its nuts that so many organisations haven't amended their policies in the light of the clarification from the SC and the temp ECHR (sorry if ive mixed the letters up) guidelines.

It really does leave you feeling what is the 'right' thing to do, logically you'd follow the law. Avoid trying to defend shit you don't believe in.

But if that leaves you at odds with the organisations policies then walking away is the only serious option.

However as I said earlier that easy when you are a volunteer and it's not your job and mortgage that depends on it.

It's discriminatory.

Legally she can't exclude some boys, but not all boys. Thats not fair.

It was still a boy presumably?

are skirts part of the uniform in a boys’ school?

adults certainly are the problem. Pandering to this absolute bullshit instead of asserting the authority that parents and schools are meant to!

I don’t believe a mother would label her 4 year old trans. Just as you woukdn’t say they were gay or straight. It just doesn’t apply at that age.

There is nothing in OP’s post that it was the mother who used this term. It sounds like op used it to stir up the MNers (and NK Rowling).

Hard hat firmly on.

Two words:

Susie Green

I rest my case for the prosecution.

You are technically correct. The OP said

I’ve had a request from a parent for their child to join. The child is 4 and the parent said they are transgender.

So the parent could have been the father but it's unlikely that one parent is labelling their child "transgender" without the other colluding. It will be a folie à deux leading to this child abuse.

How did you progress with your situation @Helpwithdivorce ?

They are still on my waiting list waiting to age out. Or GG to change their stance to the legal one at which point I’ll tell them they can’t join

Who’s NK Rowling?

And plenty of people do label their young dc trans. Susie Green, for a start. Helen Webberley. And just look on social media. There are quite a few out there.

There were a pair of unspeakable idiots with two-year-old twins, a girl and a boy, in the UK news a year or so ago.

The girl ‘hated pigtails and dresses and even pretty shoes’ and because of what her parents had taught her, thought that if she wanted to dress comfortably like her brother then she must be a boy too.

So she said that to her parents and they actually believed her.

At TWO.

If the EHRC guidance is as The Times reported yesterday then GG will be forced to change their stance.

You mean, if the EHRC guidance follows that law? It is strange that so many people seem to think they can somehow write guidance that doesn’t. Or that organisations need to wait for guidance before following the law…

Yeah, there are a few of those parents around. Transing their two year olds is weird shit.

Well, quite. But I have no doubt that GG are one of the organizations thinking exactly that.

This is why the medical profession are so culpable here.

There will always be 'unspeakable idiots' (great phrase) as parents. But we need professionals to mitigate the potential for harm.

Some parents do this https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/transgender-kids/jacob-s-journey-life-transgender-5-year-old-n345131

Jesus 'unspeakable idiots' indeed.

Looks like they wanted a boy. And they made sure they got one.

There are quite a lot of them in America. Of course this can not be anything to do with how much money you can make for medicating someone for life.