House Room Allocation

[Rooms1]

3 bedroom house.
3 x kids, all the same sex.

1x 1 yo FT
1 x 12 yo PT
1 x 16 yo FT

Who should get what room?

My thinking is that 1yo and 16yo should get their own rooms and the 12yo shares with the 1yo when they come over on the weekends.

The reason behind this is because they have their own bedroom at the other parents home.

But several people have said that they should share with the 16yo due to their ages.

Neither is ideal but that doesn’t help you!
How often does the 12 year old stay over?
What does the 16 year old think about sharing (big difference between 12 and 16)?
What does the 12 year old think about sharing with a 1 year old? Would they get woken up/keep the baby awake?

Is there really no other option?

1 yo comes in with you when 12 yo visits.
12yo gets own room when 16 yo moves out.

Can the 1 year old sleep in the same room as you?

What are the 12 year old and 16 year old saying about it?

I would also go for bringing the one year old in with you for as long as that will work out.

I'd move 1yo in with you when 12 yo is staying. Put 5hem in a larger room so 12yo can have his own bed and a bookcase or whatever for his things so it feels like his room too

Either 16 and 12 year olds share.
Or toddler in with you while 12 year old is there.
Which of these options is best depends on family dynamics.

And yes, 12 year old needs their own bed and shelves for belongings etc if they are there every weekend.

I would ask the 12 year old who they'd prefer to share with. If the 16 year old and 12 year old get on it could work.... but be prepared to change arrangements as they get older.
Or as others have suggested move the 1 year old in with you just for when the 12 year old stays - but that kind of depends how often they are there.

Yes as others have said 1 yr old in with you, 12 year old gets the bedroom to themselves.

The 16yo does not want to share at all, as they don’t think it’s fair that the 12yo gets their own room at their other parents.

12yo visits usually every weekend for 1 night.

The 1yo is currently in with us but the plan was for them to have their own room.
We considered having the 1yo in our room when the 12yo visits but this would mean messing up their sleep schedule and would have to continue for the next couple of years at least.

The 12yo wants to share with the 16yo as they don’t want to share with a baby and have to be quiet early etc.

I think your plan is fine. It is only one night a week and it is good for the 16 year old to have their privacy and own space, which the 12 yr old gets 6 days a week.

The thing is that this arrangement has to not just work now but long term, if also depends on whether you have 2 double rooms and small single etc. The 16 year old should probably have smallest room to themselves 16 year olds need a desk but they do not have lots of toys, they are studying for next 2 years, however I think I would say to 16 year olfd that if he moves away to study he will have to share with current 12 year old when he is home on holidays
for now
16 year old in smallest room by themselves
1 and 12 year old share the 12 year old needs own bed and a place for their things where the 1 year old can't get them when they are not around also they can't be expected to go to bed at 6-7 because the baby does so there needs to be space for them to do their stuff in the evenings downstairs as in reality they can't go to bed until sleeping time I would definitely make sure they have a small bedside light they can use without waking baby, but they can't be expected to be silent, also 1 year old will need to learn they can't just wake older sibling up at 5-6am you need to let the soon to be teenager sleep in the mornings and remove the baby to be with yourselves or downstairs

however once the eldest leaves home or is working and studying post 18 but still living at home at that stage the 2 oldest should share and the current 1 year old moves into smallest room by that stage the youngest will be about 3-4 and the oldest ones 15 and 19, you also have to take into account that the 15 year old that only stays 1 night might stay less later on as they spend weekends with mates not family
or there is the possibilty that the time the now 12 year old spends with you actually increases or in some circumstances is with you fulltime then I think the eldest 2 would share

Tricky but as other have said, the 1 year old could go in your room when the 12 yr old is there. If the 16yr old is really opposed to sharing,then choosing the 12 & 16 sharing option will cause other drama down the line. Guessing the 16 yr old will also have more need to study etc and need their own space. And the 12 yr old has their own room 6 nights a week already.

12 and 1 yo in largest room, but 1yo stays with you whenever 12yo is in residence. Adding the 12yo to the room is going to be just as disruptive as moving the younger child to yours. The adults are responsible for dealing with these repercussions.

Asking the 12yo to share with a very young child is completely unfair. Expecting unrelated teens to share is also unreasonable.

it doesn’t matter if the 12yo has own room at other house.

12 and 16 year old sharing is better than 1 and 12 year old sharing.

Also 16 yo doesn't get to decide what's fair and not fair.

1 yo in smallest room, 12 and 16 share 1 night per week (and both have a room to themselves the other 6 nights a week).

Clear division in the 12/16 yo shared room so that 16 yo doesn't much with 12 yo's stuff when s/he's not there.

Gut instinct is that you need to stop pandering to a 16 year old, who is being pretty unreasonable.

I don't see what's unfair about the 12 and 16 year old sharing. Both get a room to themselves six nights a week and share one night a week. If you put the 12 year old in with a baby do you expect the 12 year old to go to bed quietly at 7pm?

Asking the 12yo to share with a very young child is completely unfair. Expecting unrelated teens to share is also unreasonable.

The 12yo and 16yo are full siblings.

The 1yo is their half sibling.

The 12yo thinks it’s unfair to share with a 1yo.
And the 16yo thinks it’s unfair that they don’t get their own room but the 12yo does at their other parents.

Oh and if you do decide to make the 12 year old share with the 1 year old, it would be completely unreasonable to expect the 12 year old to be quiet or not use their room normally from early evening when the 1 year old goes down. So you'd need to put the 1 year old in your room anyway whilst the 12 year old is there.

Room divider in biggest room.

But they both get a room to themselves for 6 nights out of 7!

16 year old is being unreasonable.

At their residential home they tend to spend the evenings in their room watching Tv, gaming, playing music etc.

I have said that this is not possible if they are sharing a room.

I understand why they feel it’s unfair but they can do this 5/6 nights a week at their other home and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want them to be quiet when someone is sleeping.
If the 1yo wakes up it would also cause disruption to them and mean me coming in and sorting her out regularly throughout the night if her sleep is disturbed.

The 12yo and 16yo are full siblings.

The 12 year old lives mainly with your ex but the 16 doesn't stay with them at all? Does the 16 year old have a bedroom there?

12yo and 16yo share the largest room.
If really not possible then 1yo and 12yo but 1) in the largest room and 2) you accept that the 12yo will make normal noise in the room, are allowed to access the room even when baby is napping, etc.

this is exactly why you don’t ask a 12yo to share with a baby!