House Room Allocation

[Rooms1]

3 bedroom house.
3 x kids, all the same sex.

1x 1 yo FT
1 x 12 yo PT
1 x 16 yo FT

Who should get what room?

My thinking is that 1yo and 16yo should get their own rooms and the 12yo shares with the 1yo when they come over on the weekends.

The reason behind this is because they have their own bedroom at the other parents home.

But several people have said that they should share with the 16yo due to their ages.

Neither. One year old goes in with you.

But then the 16yo (and most of the other posters) believe it’s unfair for the 12yo and 16yo to share.

Exactly. Your argument that he has his own room is daft. The 16 year old needs to share or you need to have the baby in with you.

The 12yo and 16yo both lived with my ex until recently (hence why this is a new issue).

We live in a 1 bedroom and the baby was sharing with us until we could get a bigger place.

We managed to find a 3 bedroom place but then the 16yo moved in with us FT.

The 16yo does not go back to their other parents home at all.
They did have their own room but as they’re not living there anymore believes it’s probably being used by a step sibling.
.

Baby comes in with you 1 night a week. It’s you and your partner who chose to have another child so you should be the ones to compromise

But both the 16yo and 12yo would have their own room 6/7 nights, and share a room for 1/7?

That said, I think by far the least painful option is to have the baby sleep with you one night per week.

I don’t mind compromising at all but I also don’t want the youngest to be disrupted as they are too young to understand why 1 night a week they sleep in my bed but the other nights they can’t.

Yes, I was going to say exactly the same.

I hate it when people effectively consider a child lucky because they have a room for part of the time, and thus assume that it doesn't matter what they get the rest of the time.

In some scenarios, when a child spends a similar amount of time at both homes, both parents (or their new partners) end up giving them second best, as they are 'only part-time' at both homes.

It wasn't their decision for their parents to split up and cause them to have to live between two homes.

The 16yo does not want to share at all, as they don’t think it’s fair that the 12yo gets their own room at their other parents. but they both would have their own room for 6 nights and share with each other for 1 night.

How do the sizes of the 3 rooms compare?

I don't think most people do think that it's unfair for 12yo and 16yo full, same sex siblings to share for 1 night a week.

I think people assumed they were unrelated, which is different.

It is absolutely unfair for a 12yo to be given a room/part of a room that they are not allowed to use in an age appropriate way because there's baby sleeping in it.

It's becoming increasingly clear that 16yo and 12yo need to share.

What possible reason could there be for it to be unfair for two full siblings ages 12 and 16 to share 1 night p week (and both have a room to themselves the other 6)? Please do explain how treating 2 siblings completely equally is unfair to the 16 yo?

Well one of the children has to lose out and the 1yo has the least need for privacy.

16 year old share with 12 year old one day a week meaning they have own room 6 days a week. 12 year old also has own room 6 days a week at other parents and shares once a week at yours, exactly like your 16 year old. Obviously 1 year old has smallest bedroom and 12 and 16 year old middle sized room. You and DH take the largest room.

Can you pop a cot/floor mattress in your room if you don't want them in your bed?
I think by far the best option is the baby in with you one night a week.

What possible reason could there be for it to be unfair for two full siblings ages 12 and 16 to share 1 night p week (and both have a room to themselves the other 6)? Please do explain how treating 2 siblings completely equally is unfair to the 16 yo?

Because they’re not being treated equally by the other parent.

1 has their own room, their own privacy and comes and stays at my home and sees both parents.

The other (who is currently sleeping on the sofa) does not have their own room or privacy or sees the other parent.

The 16yos argument is that their sibling has their own room but if she’s expected to share then it will be a shared room rather than her own room.
Even if it’s just 1/2 nights a week, the sibling will still want some of their own stuff there.

We considered having the 1yo in our room when the 12yo visits but this would mean messing up their sleep schedule

It really won't. Babies are flexible. Can't you squeeze a travel cot or something in one night a week so baby is not actually in your bed?

The house has 2 double rooms and 1 single room.

Whoever is sharing will have the bigger room for 2 beds.

What possible reason could there be for it to be unfair for two full siblings ages 12 and 16 to share 1 night p week (and both have a room to themselves the other 6)? Please do explain how treating 2 siblings completely equally is unfair to the 16 yo
This!

We may be able to put a travel cot up in the room or blow up mattress on the floor but it will be a squeeze (we’re not in there yet and so this is purely through measuring the room and our bed).

But this is going to be an ongoing thing.
The eldest won’t move out for a couple of years at least and so the youngest will be 3/4 and will need more room to sleep and may not be possible to sleep in our room still.

Whatever we decide will have to stick as both girls are strong willed and it’s much easier to put the rules in place before we move in, than to try and change it in 6 months/a years time.

Parents should have thought about if they could afford a big enough house before they had another child. Baby and 16yo have room each, baby moves in with you when the 12yo is visiting. When 16yo goes to university then 12yo can use their room when visiting. But it's a bit shit all round for the 12yo to not have a room at their Dads.

The 16yo is not planning on going to university and yes I agree that it’s shit she doesn’t have a room at her dads which is her argument for not wanting to share with her sibling at mine.

You need to be fair in your house.

Ultimately 12 and 16 yo sharing 1 night (and not sharing the other 6) is fair.

12 year old not being allocated a room/share of a room in your house that they can use in an age appropriate way, or being expected to tip toe around sleeping baby is clearly not fair on the 12 year old.

So all female children and a huge age gap. Take the baby in with you both, you must surely know by now that sleeping patterns in toddlers are also disruptive. They'll all get to love each other given time.

I have rtwt and am so confused but I think I get it now.
Are you saying the 12 yo doesn't have a room in the other house, which is why they want their own room at your house?

I think you need to have the 1 yo in your room. Even if it is for a few years, 3 /4 yr olds are still small and they will be used to it anyway, won't know any different.

I think all these responses to take the baby in with you are ridiculous. It won't be a baby for long and needs to be in its own sleeping space now, not being moved at random. Obviously the older girls need to share, that's just the way it is and it's only one night.

But you said 16 year old did have her own room at her dad's, but she is just presuming it's bring used by a step sibling since she no longer goes to her dad's...

If she started going back to her dad's, she would presumably have her own room there again, or be expected to share with her 12 year old sibling.

Regardless of what their dad does, you need to treat both your 12 year old and your 16 year old equally in your home. You are blatantly favouring the 16 yo.

They both need to have space where they can keep their stuff and act in an age appropriate way in the evenings. That means neither of them sharing with a 1 year old.

So either 1 year old stays in with you for the foreseeable, and the 2 eldest have their own rooms, or the 12 and 16 yo share. The two eldest sharing seems the fairest and most practical solution that will work for the longer term.