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Original poster

House Room Allocation

166 replies

Rooms1 · 27/06/2025 15:38

3 bedroom house.
3 x kids, all the same sex.

1x 1 yo FT
1 x 12 yo PT
1 x 16 yo FT

Who should get what room?

My thinking is that 1yo and 16yo should get their own rooms and the 12yo shares with the 1yo when they come over on the weekends.

The reason behind this is because they have their own bedroom at the other parents home.

But several people have said that they should share with the 16yo due to their ages.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rooms1 · 27/06/2025 17:31

Noshadelamp · 27/06/2025 17:23

I have rtwt and am so confused but I think I get it now.
Are you saying the 12 yo doesn't have a room in the other house, which is why they want their own room at your house?

I think you need to have the 1 yo in your room. Even if it is for a few years, 3 /4 yr olds are still small and they will be used to it anyway, won't know any different.

Sorry I will try and break it down so it’s clearer as I can see how it is confusing.

16yo - lives with me FT but does not see their dad.

12yo - lives with dad almost FT and sees me 1/2 a week.

12yo has their own room at their dads.

16yo believes that as sibling has their own room that they should also get their own room.

OP posts:
MascaraGirl · 27/06/2025 17:33

I don't think most people do think that it's unfair for 12yo and 16yo full, same sex siblings to share for 1 night a week.

One night per week won’t harm either of them under the circumstances

UpsideDownChairs · 27/06/2025 17:34

Rooms1 · 27/06/2025 16:34

Asking the 12yo to share with a very young child is completely unfair. Expecting unrelated teens to share is also unreasonable.

The 12yo and 16yo are full siblings.

The 1yo is their half sibling.

The 12yo thinks it’s unfair to share with a 1yo.
And the 16yo thinks it’s unfair that they don’t get their own room but the 12yo does at their other parents.

Where does the 16 yo stay when at the other parent's? Or don't they go?

I do see the 16 yo's point..

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds 12 year olds 16 year olds
UpsideDownChairs · 27/06/2025 17:35

Just saw update - the 12 yo has to share - but it's going to cause issues either way - if the 16 yo is adamant, I'd point that out to the 12 yo and find some way for the 1 and 12 yo to share that the 12 yo can accept.

SunshineAndFizz · 27/06/2025 17:39

kitchenplans · 27/06/2025 16:28

12 and 16 year old sharing is better than 1 and 12 year old sharing.

Also 16 yo doesn't get to decide what's fair and not fair.

1 yo in smallest room, 12 and 16 share 1 night per week (and both have a room to themselves the other 6 nights a week).

Clear division in the 12/16 yo shared room so that 16 yo doesn't much with 12 yo's stuff when s/he's not there.

Gut instinct is that you need to stop pandering to a 16 year old, who is being pretty unreasonable.

Edited

Agree with this.

dammit88 · 27/06/2025 17:41

I would give 12 and 16 yr olds own room and have 1 year old in their own cot bed in your room.

Simonjt · 27/06/2025 17:42

dammit88 · 27/06/2025 17:41

I would give 12 and 16 yr olds own room and have 1 year old in their own cot bed in your room.

Me too, it also means the OPs new partner then doesn’t have an excuse to be unattended in the 12 year olds bedroom at night.

CherryYellowCouch · 27/06/2025 17:46

If it’s only one night a week and you don’t want the baby to be disturbed couldn’t the adults sleep in the living room on a Saturday night ?

Put the 12 year old in your room when they stay.

Original poster
Rooms1 · 27/06/2025 17:46

kitchenplans · 27/06/2025 17:26

But you said 16 year old did have her own room at her dad's, but she is just presuming it's bring used by a step sibling since she no longer goes to her dad's...

If she started going back to her dad's, she would presumably have her own room there again, or be expected to share with her 12 year old sibling.

Regardless of what their dad does, you need to treat both your 12 year old and your 16 year old equally in your home. You are blatantly favouring the 16 yo.

They both need to have space where they can keep their stuff and act in an age appropriate way in the evenings. That means neither of them sharing with a 1 year old.

So either 1 year old stays in with you for the foreseeable, and the 2 eldest have their own rooms, or the 12 and 16 yo share. The two eldest sharing seems the fairest and most practical solution that will work for the longer term.

Show quote history

The 16yo old does not have any contact with their dad and this will be for the foreseeable.
Her having contact again is not something that needs to be taken into consideration.
And it would make sense that the gfs kids are sleeping in her old room instead of it being empty.

I am not favouring the 16yo at all.
I wouldn’t be on MN asking for opinions on what’s most fair if I was.

The 12yo has contact with both parents.
She has her own room with privacy and space for all of her things.

The 16yo does not have contact with both parents and does not have her own room with privacy and space for all of her things.

I do feel sorry for the 16yo that she does not get to see her dad or have 2 homes, which is why I’m taking her opinion into consideration.

It’s nothing to do with having favourites, it’s about trying to make things fair and not wanting to make either child feel hard done by.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rooms1 · 27/06/2025 17:49

Simonjt · 27/06/2025 17:42

Me too, it also means the OPs new partner then doesn’t have an excuse to be unattended in the 12 year olds bedroom at night.

Show quote history

I would be the one to tend to baby if she woke up in the night if she was sharing a room with my other children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rooms1 · 27/06/2025 17:52

CherryYellowCouch · 27/06/2025 17:46

If it’s only one night a week and you don’t want the baby to be disturbed couldn’t the adults sleep in the living room on a Saturday night ?

Put the 12 year old in your room when they stay.

This could be an option that we hadn’t thought of.
Thank you.

There would still be the issue of the 12yos things as the house is very small and we were planning on having the smaller double room, so we would have to think about the best configuration for her to have storage in our room which may be us having the bigger double room now.

OP posts:
MascaraGirl · 27/06/2025 17:53

Simonjt · 27/06/2025 17:42

Me too, it also means the OPs new partner then doesn’t have an excuse to be unattended in the 12 year olds bedroom at night.

Show quote history

That’s a rather cynical point

BasicBrumble · 27/06/2025 17:53

I feel for the 16-yr-old but the only way you can resolve it is to keep the baby with you for the foreseeable or finding another space in the house

PullTheBricksDown · 27/06/2025 17:53

Rooms1 · 27/06/2025 15:57

The 16yo does not want to share at all, as they don’t think it’s fair that the 12yo gets their own room at their other parents.

12yo visits usually every weekend for 1 night.

The 1yo is currently in with us but the plan was for them to have their own room.
We considered having the 1yo in our room when the 12yo visits but this would mean messing up their sleep schedule and would have to continue for the next couple of years at least.

Don't see why it will mess up the 1 year old's sleep schedule to be in with you, but not for them to be in with a 12 year old? Best available solution is 1 yo comes in with you in a travel cot for one night week, allowing the 12 year old to have that room.

And the 'how to explain it' point you made: they're one, it's easy, you make the decisions. Saturday is special family sleepover night. That's it.

All this will work for 2-3 years at least. You'll need to accept that as the least worst option. Things may have changed by then.

Ponderingwindow · 27/06/2025 17:53

If you are moving from a 1 bedroom, you can’t have dedicated space for everyone right now. You need to add in the dynamic of your 12 and 16 yo feeling slighted at you not properly providing them with a home for some time, while still adding another child to the mix. This is a recipe for teenage angst.

given that the 12 and 16 yo are full siblings and that the 16 yo isn’t planning to go to university, I don’t think you have much choice but to have them share a room eventually. It would be better if you could delay another year or two, but if it must be now, I would just get on with it.

maybe add a round of family therapy to help deal with the fallout.

stichguru · 27/06/2025 17:55

The 12 and the 16 year old share, because that is way more practical than either of them sleeping with a one year old for lots of reasons. To be honest it's nothing to do with what either child has at their other house because that is beyond your control!

willowpatternchina · 27/06/2025 17:59

It was rather misleading not to give the full details earlier.

As 16 year old and 12 year old are full siblings and same sex, they need to share. The fact that one has chosen to live mostly with her father and one entirely with you is not really relevant. Presumably if the 16 year old wanted to, she could return either to her own room or to a shared room with her sister at her father's for however many nights a week she wanted to? The fact that she chooses not to is up to her. But it's not at all unreasonable to expect them to share, and seems crazy to consider putting a 12 year old in with a 1 year old half-sibling instead of in with her 16 year old sister. Partition the room as best you can to ensure some privacy - there are tons of ideas if you Google. You will be treating them both entirely fairly then.

Thelondonone · 27/06/2025 18:00

Beamur · 27/06/2025 15:49

1 yo comes in with you when 12 yo visits.
12yo gets own room when 16 yo moves out.

This

Ponderingwindow · 27/06/2025 18:02

MascaraGirl · 27/06/2025 17:53

That’s a rather cynical point

Show quote history

It’s a wise point.

Original poster
Rooms1 · 27/06/2025 18:09

willowpatternchina · 27/06/2025 17:59

It was rather misleading not to give the full details earlier.

As 16 year old and 12 year old are full siblings and same sex, they need to share. The fact that one has chosen to live mostly with her father and one entirely with you is not really relevant. Presumably if the 16 year old wanted to, she could return either to her own room or to a shared room with her sister at her father's for however many nights a week she wanted to? The fact that she chooses not to is up to her. But it's not at all unreasonable to expect them to share, and seems crazy to consider putting a 12 year old in with a 1 year old half-sibling instead of in with her 16 year old sister. Partition the room as best you can to ensure some privacy - there are tons of ideas if you Google. You will be treating them both entirely fairly then.

I’m not sure how I’ve been misleading.

My OP says they’re all the sane sex and the ages.

The fact that they’re full siblings is pretty irrelevant as I assume the reasons that posters are saying the 12yo should not share with the 1yo is because of their ages rather than because they’re only half siblings.

And no as I have said, the 16yo has no room at her dads. She cannot go back there for the foreseeable.
The 12yo has her own room and that don’t change.
The 16yo has no room right now and could soon either have her own room or a room shared with her sibling (who has her own room).
Which is why she feels so hard done by and doesn’t want to share.

OP posts:
Bryonyberries · 27/06/2025 18:10

Smallest room for baby and the biggest/ easiest to divide room for the older two. I have a 24 and a 19yo sharing a split room when they are home.

MascaraGirl · 27/06/2025 18:14

OP, I am sure you did not intend to mislead. The full siblings bit is very relevant as people feel more positively about full siblings sharing, than half siblings or step siblings

Livpool · 27/06/2025 18:22

Share with the 16 year old who will have to get on with it! It’s only once a week.

Original poster
Rooms1 · 27/06/2025 18:22

MascaraGirl · 27/06/2025 18:14

OP, I am sure you did not intend to mislead. The full siblings bit is very relevant as people feel more positively about full siblings sharing, than half siblings or step siblings

That’s fair enough.

I actually felt that it may have swayed opinions if posters knew too much background info and that’s why I’m struggling to see it from an unbiased perspective.

It would be easier if they were half or step siblings as it’s the fact that they’re being treated unequally by the other parent that is causing the issues between them.

OP posts:
FruityCider · 27/06/2025 18:33

When my parents split (I was 12) my dad only had a two bed flat so me, brother (1 year younger) and sister (4 years younger) all shared a room. Brother relegated to couch when he got bigger and smellier at 14 or so. Eventually dad got a bigger place but I still shared with my sister. Still have to share if we visit dad's house.

Mum's house was constantly flipping bedrooms around. I shared with younger sister at mum's until I was 16 or so and got a bigger house. Shared with younger sister and stepsister when she was around from 14-18, on the weekends. Now when I visit as an adult and we're all there we still share/kip on couch/sofabed in office.

I'd be telling 16yo she needs to suck it up, for the sake of one night a week. She'll survive.