DD17 has been inappropriately touched by a customer whilst at work.

[Normansglasseye]

DD17 works at the weekend at a well known store.

We are currently on our way to pick her up as she's just rung me very distressed. She was serving on a till and an autistic young man around the same as DD has grabbed one of her breasts. She is absolutely distraught. The carer/parent has apologised.

I've never been in a situation like this.

I'm so upset for DD.

100% this i work in retail and I had some old bloke stick his hand down my top when I was in my early 20s and it was completely brushed under the carpet. I regret not taking it further.

I am simply going by what dd relayed back to me regarding the short conversation she had with the carer/mother. DD said the lady had said he had autism so we/us/I will probably never know so you are either spot on or just assuming. Who knows?

Could you ask HR what their policy is on a sexual attack in the workplace? (I don't believe the badge comment when she didn't have one on).
As others have pointed out your DD should not have been subjected to this and without highlighting the seriousness of this he could do worse.

I’m not suggesting for one moment that it shouldn’t be reported - merely pointing out the circumstances that lead to incidents like this - it often stems from lack of appropriate support. And it would also be for the courts to decide whether the ‘perpetrator’ had the capacity to stand trial, and if not, any alternative appropriate action. Unfortunately it’s my experience that the lack of proper support that leads to these incidents is often compounded by inappropriate punishment. Which is why we have very many ND and people with varied MH conditions imprisoned inappropriately.

All employers have a duty of care, and pretending they don't (a) doesn't make it go away; or (b) make things any better for them.

However all of that is totally immaterial if the DD wants to report it to the police/ (Unless it's the BBC, naturally).

You're disgusting and should be ashamed of yourself!

I am a fully grown adult female and was grabbed in the same manner last year by someone who I knew from work but the incident happened in a non-work environment. I froze and although it was over in seconds I was devastated by it. I felt violated and disgusting. I was angry at myself for my reaction. I was terrified nobody would believe me.

Nobody witnessed it, they were clever in how they did it and after seeking advice from friends with the police I knew I'd get no justice by going to the police. No evidence or witness and his word against mine. I can't tell you how much this has played on my mind, how many times I've run through my head what I could or should have done differently.

It has been devastating to me, I've become distrusting of every single male and I no longer feel safe regardless of where I am.

People like you belong in the dark ages with the knuckle draggers. I sincerely hope you never have it happen to you and then hear people spout the shite you just have. You're a disgrace.

@Normansglasseye I am so sorry to your daughter. Please tell her to be kind to herself, it wasn't her fault and although she will replay it over in her head please assure her that she couldn't have done anything differently and there is no shame to her in what happened, it wasn't her fault.

I can see what you think this - but it’s so important to report all such incidents and adjust things like risk assessments to reflect them otherwise it’s going to be difficult to prove when someone may need additional support.

None of this was caused by OPs DD. She should still take this forwards as he may get the intervention he needs.
Or, next time he rapes someone, strangles them...

I agree with you. If I had been responsible for the young man who touched your daughter I couldn’t have left until I made sure she was taken care of. I’m sorry this happened to her.

edited to say: I’m sure you will do this but please re assure her that none of this is her fault at all, and that she is entitled to feel how she feels.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Grin and bear it Ladies! It’s all part of your inclusivity duties!

I think it would depend on the severity of the disability that the autistic person has. If he is non verbal and has the mental capacity of a 3 year old I very much doubt there would be a prosecution.

The OP should still report it to the police if her daughter wishes to, but it's pointless talking about courts.

You are allowed to view the footage but cannot record or save it in any way.

My toddler was slapped hard full in the face by a large adult man with LD, as my son sat on a swing. I never even got an apology from the carers. Who were two very young, slight women who would have no chance of subduing the man if he really kicked off. I think they were quite frightened too and not sure how to handle it.

It’s really not ‘pointless talking about courts’

our prisons are full, many many are ND men! Many!

And with all due respect, the state of the care system is very relevant here. We see threads on MN regularly from family members who are left to deal with violent or abusive ND or otherwise disabled young people with no support. There was a thread not so long ago from a parent whose marriage had broken up because they, as parents, had been left to deal with a severely autistic and violent teenage son , who was bigger and stronger than either parent. They had had to get locks and barricades on internal doors to keep them and their other child safe.

This is the reality - there are people in the community who, for reasons of disability should be better supported and supervised. But because resources are stretched, in many cases they are left to get on with it. Until incidents like this happen and then finger pointing and blame starts, and the underlying reasons are ignored. There are more and deeper cuts to support for people like this boy on the way, so the likelihood is that incidents liked this will increase. That’s why it’s relevant. So l disagree. There are two victims in this case. OP’s DD who should never have been subjected to an attack like this, and the boy himself, who should never have had the opportunity to carry it out.

Sorry I thought there was definitely a paid carer with this man from your op, didn't realise that part was an unknown.

I am sorry this happened to your daughter, it sounds like it happened quickly and she was just expected to get on with it which absolutely isn't ok.

"Usually if people have carers with them they are profoundly disabled"
According to who? People need a carer if they can't achieve whatever it is without assistance, so it could be anxiety, inability to work out what they need to buy, unable to work out what to do if their bus is cancelled, unable to walk past a girl without sexually assaulting them etc.
There are huge numbers of unrecognised and unacknowledged carers that you wouldn't even notice.

That may be true but they will be on the high end of the spectrum. I doubt there are severely autistic people in prison who need 24 hour care and are non verbal with severe learning difficulties.

I agree with you to be honest. It’s a shame for OPs DD but there’s zero point in reporting it to the police. They’ll do absolutely fuck all, and there’s no way an additional carer will be found for a 2-1 situation for the disabled man unless his family are astoundingly rich.

And as l’ve just clearly explained in the post you quoted, l was not suggesting that they didn’t report it. Just explaining the common factors with these kinds of incidents, and the fact that in many cases the much needed intervention never comes. There are very many ND people as well as those with MH issues who receive inappropriate and pointless punishment for their crimes and then are left to continue with their lives unsupported until it happens again.

No, women do not exist as entities to accept abuse.
If the young man needs to go to prison as there is not enough social support that is a secondary issue to the sexual assault.

You’re spoiling for an argument about something l haven’t said, and don’t countenance. Of course women don’t exist to accept abuse, where have l said that ? The lack of support isn’t a secondary issue, in many cases it’s the direct cause. Our prisons are filled with ND people and those with MH issues, simply because the interventions they needed didn’t come until it was too late.

It would have to be proven that he understood what he was doing for it to be sexual assault.

That doesn't mean it's OK for him to go around doing this but if there's no level of understanding then it's up to the carer/parents to keep him and other people safe.

Shocking that you see him as a victim. He may well be a person who, by virtue of his disability, needs closer supervision than someone else. If that supervision is not available, he should not be taken to places where he could assault someone else. There are many people who have committed crimes but by virtue of their mental health status are not imprisoned as such but are held in secure mental health units such as Broadmore. They are not allowed to roam free because of the crimes they have committed.

If that's the case then sadly they (parents/carers) need to rethink where they take this poor young lad in the future.

The woman told dad that he has an obsession/fascination with staff name badges which obviously sit on the breast/chest area of staff members. Even if he likes to stare at them in that area let alone touch/grab, that's inappropriate behaviour and his outings need to be tailored to his habits.

I say this as a PA for disabled people. I plan out days according to needs.