DD17 has been inappropriately touched by a customer whilst at work.

[Normansglasseye]

DD17 works at the weekend at a well known store.

We are currently on our way to pick her up as she's just rung me very distressed. She was serving on a till and an autistic young man around the same as DD has grabbed one of her breasts. She is absolutely distraught. The carer/parent has apologised.

I've never been in a situation like this.

I'm so upset for DD.

What excuses do you think l’m making ? These things happen, and with resources and funding for the disabled being cut to the bone, and places in residential care almost non existent for anything but the most severe of cases, it’s bound to happen. So your gripe isn’t with the carer, who in all likelihood is a family member who may be struggling to cope. It’s with a government who prefers to paint disabled people as workshy scroungers rather than fix a system which lets them down and fails go properly support them every single day.

I personally feel that as my dd was standing there crying she (the carer/parent) could have called for the manager and explained what had happened, maybe all go into the staff room or a quiet area and discuss what happened. Instead she and the young man left the store and dd standing there at her till crying.

As a carer myself I don't see this as appropriate behaviour for a supposed responsible adult for a young person with a disability.

It's not necessarily a question of disability.

However it this behaviour is not or cannot be prevented in future then this lad could end up with someone knocking their lights out. Imagine what a bystander may have thought, seeing the scene, hearing the commotion and possibly believing the DD was in serious danger ?

With all due respect that is not what this thread is about and I really don’t think it’s fair to deflect attention away from the actual victim in this case. A 17 year old girl who was sexually assaulted. If you wish to discuss the broken system regarding support for the disabled and carers then feel free to start one. They were NOT the victims in this case.

How on earth is someone on here saying because someone is disabled they should be allowed to SEXUALLY ASSAULT people??

I’m so sorry this happened to your daughter, but as someone who has experience of working with the disabled, if the boy is autistic the carer may have known from experience that it would be safer to leave if he was agitated or over stimulated. It doesn’t excuse it, but it may explain it.

So by your logic, any woman who has her breast grabbed by any male shouldnt ‘over react’ as it’s just ‘harmless’? Let’s extrapolate that thought. What if the woman had been raped? Should the rapist happen to be someone with a disability, does that minimise the trauma caused? Should the rapist be excused?

A woman has been sexually assaulted. It is not for anyone to tell her how she should feel about that. Shame on you!

It doesn't matter if he is neurodivergent. That doesn't mean that he is allowed to assault other people. I find it quite appalling that you obviously have no empathy whatsoever for the gir.

Probably the most disgusting comment I've ever seen on MN. And I've been here a while. Don't know what else to say, really.

OP, I hope your daughter is OK.

Autistic or not, he should be reported. For his sake as well as everyone else.

i work in a prison, plenty of our prisoners are neurodivergent!! Plenty!

nip it in the bud before he ends up in custodial

i feel for your DD op, hope she recovers well

I don’t think anyone is trying to minimise the feelings or the very understandable reaction of this girl, or imply that it was harmless - it’s clearly not as it’s traumatic. And no-one is putting forward disability as an excuse for this kind of behaviour, but depending on the disability, and the effect of it on capacity, it can be a reason.

@CopperWhite is absolutely minimising the feelings of a victim of sexual assault!

I agree, and I’ve now reported the post - I’m furious on behalf of the OPs daughter!

We had a similiar-ish issue in our local woods. Several woman and young girls being touched and groped inappropriately by an autistic 15 year old boy. The boy walks there regularly with his parents , is over 6ft tall and very large & muscular. He groped the breasts and vulvas of lots of women & girls and yet just shrugged it off as "what can we do he doesn't mean it , he doesn't understand " They knew they couldn't physically control him and yet still walked him in an area where he was a danger to women. Several reported to the police and were told there was nothing they could do It was only when a group of local men threatened to follow them and physically restrain him( and worse ) everytime he lunged towards a female , that the parents stopped bringing him there . I do feel sorry for the parents but I feel sorrier for the women who are just trying to have a walk or run without being sexually assaulted. I hope your daughter is OK op I would definitely make a report to the police

Of course another reason for reporting it, is it may have happened before (which is even more reason to report it).

Then I hope they have the decency to at least contact the store at a later date to check if my dd was ok.

I appreciate she was probably distraught herself and as she said to dd, mortified which is understandable but she left dd standing at her till crying whilst all the customers watching wondering what on earth had occurred.

I cant help but think if op had said "severe learning disability" instead of autism some of the responses on this thread would be different. It's a very broad spectrum. Usually if people have carers with them they are profoundly disabled.

I'm not saying that op's daughter shouldn't be upset or that it shouldn't be reported. Just that the word autism might have thrown off people's understanding of the situation.

It’s no excuse, or if you prefer, no reason not to report it to the police. A crime has been committed. It matters not one iota who committed it - it would be for the courts to decide an appropriate sentence should the perpetrator be found guilty.

If a crime has occurred then you won’t get the footage. There is an exemption under the DPA18. Essentially if releasing footage to you could impede an investigation. They might mutter something about third party rights, but really they can’t release footage if there is an active investigation so it depends if you report it to the police. Withholding it has to be proportionate so if you didn’t report it, you could insist they carry out suitable redaction. They’ll be resistant but they do have the software.

(government data protection prof)

It was only when a group of local men threatened to follow them and physically restrain him( and worse ) everytime he lunged towards a female , that the parents stopped bringing him there

He was lucky they were dim enough to telegraph their intentions. Some people I have known (far less gobby than me) would simply have gone out one day and done it without providing the police with a ready made charge of assault.

I think this is fair comment. Throughout out my career working with the disabled l saw many ND people as well as those with various MH conditions imprisoned inappropriately - mainly because they had committed offences warranting custodial sentences before receiving the help and support they needed, and sometimes simply because the system offers no appropriate alternatives. I would hope that the outcomes of this incident would be the offer of counselling for the victim and a referral for a proper assessment of needs for this boy, to reduce the likelihood of it happening again. But the cynic in me doubts it, given the stretched resources.

We have a nephew with schizophrenia and when he was a young adult, early 20s his favourite thing was to watch young female shop assistants and his mum used to take him to Morrisons every day. When I said it wasn't appropriate she couldn't see what was wrong with it as he enjoyed it. He did eventually have to live in a home because he was huge and his dad couldn't control him if he kicked off. Shame but people do need protecting on both sides. I hope your dd is okay.

Totally agree.

Of course you could ask for the footage and then report the crime.

Absolutely disgusting