DD17 has been inappropriately touched by a customer whilst at work.

[Normansglasseye]

DD17 works at the weekend at a well known store.

We are currently on our way to pick her up as she's just rung me very distressed. She was serving on a till and an autistic young man around the same as DD has grabbed one of her breasts. She is absolutely distraught. The carer/parent has apologised.

I've never been in a situation like this.

I'm so upset for DD.

@Normansglasseye I'm so, so sorry to hear that your DD has been assaulted.

In my opinion it needs to be reported to the police, if your DD is ok with that.

The person's behaviour is completely unacceptable. It doesn't stop it being unaccetable if (and we don't know this for sure) the person has a disability making him unaware of that fact - because if he cannot be held responsible, then there MUST be someone with him at all times who is responsible for ensuring he doesn't assault people.

It is completely unacceptable for someone to assault another person.

A man did something vaguely similar to me in the street some months ago and I reported it to the police. They took it very seriously. Two police visited me at home, a male and a female police officer. They took my statement and were very thorough; I felt taken seriously and listened to.

Being on the street in my case, they checked CCTV but unfortunately it didn't show it, apparently the camera turns round every few minutes to look the other direction.

Some weeks later someone from the police phoned me to let me know what they had done and again, I felt taken seriously and that they had tried their best to identify the man.

I have such little experience of the police (London Met in my case) that I was surprised how good they were about my experience and that they realised how serious it is when a man assaults a woman. You read online so often that the police don't bother, but clearly sometimes they do.

I hope your DD gets the right support and understanding and isn't made to feel that it doesn't matter what happened to her. It does and it absolutely should NOT have happened.

The carer said that he likes name tags. He grabbed the breasts of the young, only female, cashier, who wasn’t wearing a name tag. The carer is an apologist.

I dealt with this kind of thing when I worked in the field. The carers saying, “oh he’s like a child” or “he doesn't understand” with (particularly) young men who weren’t like children and could be helped to understand. A lot of work is done to have people with LDs and NDs understand boundaries and consent. But they have to be reiterated and enforced. This carer leaps immediately to an innocent, and clearly nonsense, excuse.

Autism is not an excuse for this behaviour. How do you know the man was 17? He could be 19/20 - still sexual assault on a minor. I would be reporting him to the police.

i guess the carer wasnt the sharpest tool either

what should the carer have said though?

This young man needs more supervision especially as he is known to do this.

I am sorry your DD was so upset by this, and it is good that she has your support to take whatever action she wishes (or no action) with you to back her. Giving her that choice will put power into her hands which is what she needs at the moment.

It is a difficult one - you clearly want to help her to put this behind her as speedily as possible, but you do not want to minimise it and have her feel that she has to put up with this sort of thing. It is not an easy balance. She is young and needs to understand that things do go badly sometimes, and also that some people have disabilities that influence their behaviour adversely. Not an easy line to tread.

If you can get this right she will move forward stronger and wiser but hopefully not carrying too great a burden of anxiety over it.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

@Normansglasseye
I hope you’re DD and yourself take some time to process this , she is fortunate to have your support.
I too, recommend the police, HO of the store too.
As a victim of assault she could also receive counselling, it may not be now but further down the line that the effects may be felt.

She’s a 17 year old girl who was sexually assaulted. From what I’m reading, people aren’t blaming the individual as such. But
if he has complex needs and is liable to these behaviours there needs to be an appropriate care plan and risk assessment in place so that these things don’t happen.

What would you have had the carer do ? What can they do, other than apologise. Yes, better supervision should be in place and the support/care system for the disabled across the board is broken.

The assistant manager sat with us and went through the report form. She was quite supportive. She said the young man and his carer/parent will be banned from the store in the future in order to keep the staff safe and obviously to avoid a replay of today.

The only other colleague who was nearby was a lady on the customer service till which was the nearest to dd's till station, when we spoke to her she said she hadn't seen much as she was dealing with her own customer at the time. The people who had witnessed the whole thing where dd customers at the time, it's clear on the CCTV.

Does anyone know if we are entitled to ask for a copy of the CCVT clip of the incident?

For me the key reason for ensuring this is recorded and dealt with is that it will hopefully lead to better management.

Because if not, this person might end up doing something similar and getting very seriously hurt as a result.

Which would be wonderful in an deal world, but the care system is broken and you have to beg for every scrap of mostly inadequate support.

I think this should be reported to the police. A disability is no excuse. Hope your DD is feeling a little better than earlier in the day.

Yes, you should be able to as it’s evidence. I’m so sorry this was done to your DD.

It wasn’t necessarily a professional carer - could have been his mum or another family member. Some posters here are breathtakingly ignorant about the state of the care/support available to disabled people and their families.

My dd has just turned 17, she hasn't yet had a boyfriend and is sexually inactive so yes, to go to work and have someone come from behind you and grab one of your breasts would be a fairly traumatic experience.

I am 52 and a PA for disabled and autistic people and have put up with quite a lot of crap over the years but even I would find that a thoroughly unpleasant experience.

Does that mean women should just accept sexual assault?

What do you mean a disability is no excuse ? If the young man doesn’t have the capacity to understand then it’s certainly not an excuse, but it is a reason.

No, that’s not what l’m saying. At all. But then you know that. You assumed that the term ‘carer’ meant in a professional sense. IME disabled people and their families generally don’t have the resources to afford carers to take the person being cared for out and about. In most cases there are barely the resources for the essentials. So the carer was more likely to be an unsupported and unpaid friend or family member.

I’m unclear what you are saying tbh. You seem to be making excuses for the carer but not saying how you think things should have been handled.

The "rights of disabled people" that you mention absolutely do not extend to sexually assaulting young women though!!

An apologist isn't someone who genuinely apologises for what happened. It means defending and arguing in his favour (e.g. he is harmless and just likes badges) when his behaviour (i.e. sexual assault) is being criticised.

This is a disgusting comment. You’re completely minimising sexual assault. You’d think the post was about someone with learning disabilities saying hello from your comment.
The issue is not women don’t want to interact with men with learning disabilities / additional needs. It’s that they don’t want to be assaulted by anyone, and their additional needs doesn’t give them a free pass. Women are real people and deserve to be safe. If that means prison, then yes anyone regardless of disability should be there. To keep society safe for women.
(and since I know it’s coming, yes if a woman with learning disabilities sexually assaulted men then she should be in prison too!)

I have been in a similar situation where I was a volunteer and an autistic man, also a volunteer, started behaving inappropriately towards female staff - me and another that I know of. His family, with whom he lived, did not take his emotional needs seriously and tended to downplay any problems. I would report this to the police in order to ensure that the situation doesn't continue or escalate.