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Original poster

DD17 has been inappropriately touched by a customer whilst at work.

366 replies

Normansglasseye · 22/06/2025 11:57

DD17 works at the weekend at a well known store.

We are currently on our way to pick her up as she's just rung me very distressed. She was serving on a till and an autistic young man around the same as DD has grabbed one of her breasts. She is absolutely distraught. The carer/parent has apologised.

I've never been in a situation like this.

I'm so upset for DD.

OP posts:
thischarmimgwoman · 22/06/2025 15:41

Needs his nose smacking; won’t be doing it again.

stichguru · 22/06/2025 16:11

I think she should report to the police. I say this as an ex carer, the police and criminal justice system do sometimes get it wrong, but they aren't likely to end up charging someone who isn't able to help what they are doing. However what they should do is check whether the person is being generally correctly looked after, whether both their welfare and the welfare of others are generally safe guarded. Maybe the young man is very well cared for, genuinely has no understanding of why this was inappropriate. Maybe his carers try to explain this to him 1000 times, but his understanding of language is so limited that he just can't understand, But just possibly he behaves like this because his carers don't bother try...you daughter's report could uncover abuse that is massively limiting this gentleman's life or even life expectancy.

BCBird · 22/06/2025 16:17

I would get her to report this to the police. Even if the perpetrator has learning difficulties it does not mean anyone should be assaulted. The young man obviously needed to have more supervision.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 22/06/2025 16:19

That’s awful, first and foremost I hope your daughter is OK.

Secondly I’d be asking to see their prevention of sexual harassment risk assessment and taking advice on whether that was adequate.

CopperWhite · 22/06/2025 16:26

Absolutely distraught is a massive over reaction to a a person with a learning disability doing something inappropriate and unpleasant, but ultimately harmless.

MN is usually all for the rights of disabled people. Does that only apply to certain ‘acceptable’ disabilities, and only then if they aren’t held by young men?

Maybe the man should have been supported by more than one assistant, but if it’s rare that these things happen, where is the money supposed to come from for another underpaid carer? Maybe some posters believe adults who need support and understanding to access the community should be isolated at home or in a residential unit to prevent any female from ever having to interact with men who have a learning disability?

buffyajp · 22/06/2025 16:30

CopperWhite · 22/06/2025 16:26

Absolutely distraught is a massive over reaction to a a person with a learning disability doing something inappropriate and unpleasant, but ultimately harmless.

MN is usually all for the rights of disabled people. Does that only apply to certain ‘acceptable’ disabilities, and only then if they aren’t held by young men?

Maybe the man should have been supported by more than one assistant, but if it’s rare that these things happen, where is the money supposed to come from for another underpaid carer? Maybe some posters believe adults who need support and understanding to access the community should be isolated at home or in a residential unit to prevent any female from ever having to interact with men who have a learning disability?

I don’t even know where to start with this. You have absolutely no bloody right to say whether she overreacted or not. The op and most others have acknowledged the possibility of learning disabilities but that absolutely does not mean it is acceptable for a young girl to be sexually assaulted. It’s already been explained by a more eloquent poster than me why this would be in the interest of the boy as well for this to investigated properly IF that is what the girl wants. You DO NOT get to minimise her experience and feelings.

Summeriscumin · 22/06/2025 16:31

CopperWhite · 22/06/2025 16:26

Absolutely distraught is a massive over reaction to a a person with a learning disability doing something inappropriate and unpleasant, but ultimately harmless.

MN is usually all for the rights of disabled people. Does that only apply to certain ‘acceptable’ disabilities, and only then if they aren’t held by young men?

Maybe the man should have been supported by more than one assistant, but if it’s rare that these things happen, where is the money supposed to come from for another underpaid carer? Maybe some posters believe adults who need support and understanding to access the community should be isolated at home or in a residential unit to prevent any female from ever having to interact with men who have a learning disability?

And this is why men get away with sexually abusing women. Always someone to tell women not to make a fuss.

Misogynistic shite.

RoseofRoses · 22/06/2025 16:32

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YetAnotherNewNameAgain · 22/06/2025 16:32

CopperWhite · 22/06/2025 16:26

Absolutely distraught is a massive over reaction to a a person with a learning disability doing something inappropriate and unpleasant, but ultimately harmless.

MN is usually all for the rights of disabled people. Does that only apply to certain ‘acceptable’ disabilities, and only then if they aren’t held by young men?

Maybe the man should have been supported by more than one assistant, but if it’s rare that these things happen, where is the money supposed to come from for another underpaid carer? Maybe some posters believe adults who need support and understanding to access the community should be isolated at home or in a residential unit to prevent any female from ever having to interact with men who have a learning disability?

Oh fuck off.

RoseofRoses · 22/06/2025 16:32

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DancingNotDrowning · 22/06/2025 16:33

Absolutely distraught is a massive over reaction to a a person with a learning disability doing something inappropriate and unpleasant, but ultimately harmless

JFC what is wrong with you?! A 17 year old girl had her breasts grabbed whilst working and someone had to physically intervene to prevent further assault.

MN is usually all for the rights of disabled people - not to sexually assault minors FFS!

to prevent any female from ever having to interact with men who have a learning disability? did you really categorise a sexual assault as a mere “interaction”?!

@CopperWhite you really need to reevaluate your attitude

TinyTempest · 22/06/2025 16:33

CopperWhite · 22/06/2025 16:26

Absolutely distraught is a massive over reaction to a a person with a learning disability doing something inappropriate and unpleasant, but ultimately harmless.

MN is usually all for the rights of disabled people. Does that only apply to certain ‘acceptable’ disabilities, and only then if they aren’t held by young men?

Maybe the man should have been supported by more than one assistant, but if it’s rare that these things happen, where is the money supposed to come from for another underpaid carer? Maybe some posters believe adults who need support and understanding to access the community should be isolated at home or in a residential unit to prevent any female from ever having to interact with men who have a learning disability?

You may be fine with having your tits grabbed at work.

This 17 year old girl wasn't.

You have no right to state it was an 'over reaction'.

Goodness knows who you think you are, coming out with that one.

WhereAreWeNow · 22/06/2025 16:35

Your poor DD. I would also encourage her to report to the police.

How did the manager respond? Were her colleagues supportive?

Hoppinggreen · 22/06/2025 16:36

CopperWhite · 22/06/2025 16:26

Absolutely distraught is a massive over reaction to a a person with a learning disability doing something inappropriate and unpleasant, but ultimately harmless.

MN is usually all for the rights of disabled people. Does that only apply to certain ‘acceptable’ disabilities, and only then if they aren’t held by young men?

Maybe the man should have been supported by more than one assistant, but if it’s rare that these things happen, where is the money supposed to come from for another underpaid carer? Maybe some posters believe adults who need support and understanding to access the community should be isolated at home or in a residential unit to prevent any female from ever having to interact with men who have a learning disability?

WHY he grabbed her is not important, the point is she was sexually assaulted at work and if she is distraught about it then she is, you don't get to tell her she shouldn't be.

johnd2 · 22/06/2025 16:39

"Absolutely distraught is a massive over reaction to a a person with a learning disability doing something inappropriate and unpleasant, but ultimately harmless."

@CopperWhite since when was sexual assault harmless?? It's actually a crime for good reason.
And just to avoid blurring the lines, autism is not a learning disability, and many autistic people are above average learning ability.
Also autistic people may misinterpret situations but don't touch other people is a pretty simple rule. If someone can't stick to that they shouldn't be out in situations where it can happen.

To the OP I hope your daughter is ok.

EleanorReally · 22/06/2025 16:40

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/06/2025 15:32

Report to police. The apologism on the part of the carer needs to be challenged.

what does that mean?
presumably the man had learning disabilities? - oops cross post - as well as autism. which is why he had a carer

BlueyNeedsToFuckOff · 22/06/2025 16:41

EleanorReally · 22/06/2025 16:40

what does that mean?
presumably the man had learning disabilities? - oops cross post - as well as autism. which is why he had a carer

Edited
Show quote history

Learning disabilities don’t give someone the right to assault a stranger. The carer should have been supervising more closely, not making excuses.

OhHellolittleone · 22/06/2025 16:42

Geneticsbunny · 22/06/2025 14:26

He absolutely should have had more supervision.

It’s so easy to say, but in reality his poor mother can only do so much.

EleanorReally · 22/06/2025 16:43

interesting - i wonder how the thread would go if it was someone with down syndrome?
apparently everyone is so knowledgeable about autism here

EleanorReally · 22/06/2025 16:43

BlueyNeedsToFuckOff · 22/06/2025 16:41

Learning disabilities don’t give someone the right to assault a stranger. The carer should have been supervising more closely, not making excuses.

Show quote history

absolutely, agree, the carer is at fault

TheDutchHouse · 22/06/2025 16:45

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ticktock19 · 22/06/2025 16:45

I’m so sorry for your dd OP and I’m so glad you’re so supportive of her. I left care work due to being inappropriately touched too many times to mention by young adults with learning disabilities and my managers put it down as part of the role of supporting them as they were ‘exploring their sexuality’. It was never allowed to be formally reported and I think back now that we did those people a disservice.

DontTouchRoach · 22/06/2025 16:46

CopperWhite · 22/06/2025 16:26

Absolutely distraught is a massive over reaction to a a person with a learning disability doing something inappropriate and unpleasant, but ultimately harmless.

MN is usually all for the rights of disabled people. Does that only apply to certain ‘acceptable’ disabilities, and only then if they aren’t held by young men?

Maybe the man should have been supported by more than one assistant, but if it’s rare that these things happen, where is the money supposed to come from for another underpaid carer? Maybe some posters believe adults who need support and understanding to access the community should be isolated at home or in a residential unit to prevent any female from ever having to interact with men who have a learning disability?

Grabbing a teenage girl’s breasts is not ‘absolutely harmless’ regardless of whether the man who gropes her has a disability or not.

I was sexually assaulted at work more than once when I was in my teens and early 20s and two of those occasions were by people with leaning disabilities, one man and one female. I can assure you the mental capacityof the person who commits the assault doesn’t make it any less distressing to have your tits grabbed by a stranger.

This has nothing to do with disability rights. A person with a learning disability doesn’t have a right to sexually assault women any more than someone without one. But everyone does have the right to go about their day without being sexually assaulted.

Zapx · 22/06/2025 16:48

I really feel for your DD. My son (2 years old at the time) was seriously assaulted by an autistic 17yo male. I got surrounded by his “carers” who were apologetic but ultimately made it clear that as he was autistic I was meant to just accept what had happened as one of those things. I reported it to the police who contacted his carers but basically that was all that happened. I really hope that because it happened at work your DD is able to get more support.

Getheregetthere · 22/06/2025 16:49

CopperWhite · 22/06/2025 16:26

Absolutely distraught is a massive over reaction to a a person with a learning disability doing something inappropriate and unpleasant, but ultimately harmless.

MN is usually all for the rights of disabled people. Does that only apply to certain ‘acceptable’ disabilities, and only then if they aren’t held by young men?

Maybe the man should have been supported by more than one assistant, but if it’s rare that these things happen, where is the money supposed to come from for another underpaid carer? Maybe some posters believe adults who need support and understanding to access the community should be isolated at home or in a residential unit to prevent any female from ever having to interact with men who have a learning disability?

You have deep, deep problems with misogyny. I say that as someone who was sexually abused multiple times by an autistic person. He also raped other women and girls. Luckily the police don’t think like you or all women kind would be in deep trouble. Women and girls deserve to be protected.

You are an apologist for this type of behaviour. It is disgraceful that still in this day and age women are apologists for male abusers.