What would you do if your 14yo son was taking your car out at night?

[Cliftrip]

It's happening to a friend. He only knows because he's (actually his wife, boy's SM) has received speeding tickets for times they were fast asleep.

The boy is clearly unhappy. He's been a "problem" for a long time, which is why he's living with dad FT, his mum said she couldn't take any more a out 18 months ago. You can see where some of the issues might stem from, but this is extreme.

SM is now (understandably) saying she doesn't want him in her house, and it is her house.

I feel my friend's (or someone's!) first priority should be the boy, but am at a loss for any practical advice or help.

When I meet him he's a quiet, polite and charming young lad!

Where do they turn?

Well the very first thing I’d do is hide the keys properly!

Well yes, now they know it's happening, but there's clearly a lot more than that which needs doing.

First reply as ever has it! Why on earth after the first time did he get the keys?!

Yes how is he getting hold of the keys? Also lock the front door at night. There are a few initial steps to stop something highly dangerous and illegal…

Because they didn't know until the speeding tickets arrived.

Where did they think he was? I think I’d notice if my car and son went missing in the evening..

So are they now hiding the keys?🤨

Are they CERTAIN that it's him taking the car, as opposed to having had their plates cloned?

Yes, I should have made.it clear the keys are now well hidden, they didn't know and it hadn't occurred to them they need to hide the keys.

But this is only an escalation of other behaviour. There'll be something coming next. How do they get help?

In the early hours when everyone was asleep

Yes, he's admitted it now.

Realise that this is serious criminal offence and ask a policeman to explain it to him

I think they're right to be questioning what, if anything else is going on.
One of DD's classmates was doing this, he was also taking part in lots of other risky behaviours. Taking drugs, dealing, etc. Struggling at school.

Yes, they'll have to tell the authorities who was driving. She can't lose her licence for him.

But clearly they/he need wider help too.

Everyone always seemed shocked and "wouldn't tolerate" this behaviour, but what exactly would/ should you do?

I think you're right OP. You can't kick out a 14 year old (well, you can put them in care but that wouldn't make their lives any better). You've just got to keep being a secure presense.

Get a wheel lock

GP, counselling. Family counselling, through cams. Or private if they can afford it, to avoid the wait times.
What have they actually done apart from hide the car keys?

This is what concerns me as a wishy washy do gooder its all about punishment and sending him back to mum.....

But I've never been in the situation and recognise it must be incredibly hard.

Dad needs to talk to him. Child obviously deeply unhappy. If necessary father and child get their own place if child unhappy living with step mother. Dad needs to speak to school about difficulties (doesn’t need to say about driving). I wouldn’t involve police as child could be prosecuted as well as SM if she has taken the points/accepted she was driving. Dad’s whole priority now needs to be child. I’d also be worried about things like county lines. Kids who go joy riding tend to crash the cars. Going for a drive may be moving gear or other criminality.

If you’re fast asleep?

The car is the easy part, lock all doors on a night and take house and car keys to bed. Buy a steering lock for the car. That will help with that problem but trouble is may he climb out a window and get up to something else

I don’t think it’s understandable to want him out of the house. If she didn’t want to be majorly impacted by someone else’s child, she shouldn’t have married (thereby, merging her live with) someone with children.

Connection is what’s missing here for this child I suspect. My understanding is that most (if not all) of these issues (risky behaviour, addiction, mental health etc) arise because a child hasn’t had a parent attuned to their emotional needs at some point/periods of time in their childhood. This needs urgent, professional, non judgemental help. GP can signpost, school can also. I would also get private help if you can afford it.

Sleep with the keys under my pillow 🤷‍♀️

How on earth would a 14 year old even know how to drive a car that fast without crashing and them come back and park it up again with no one knowing. Are you sure it's him driving and not someone older that he knows?

He says a friend (same age) "taught" him.

It sounds like he was incredibly lucky and I guess there wasn't much other traffic.