What would you do if your 14yo son was taking your car out at night?

[Cliftrip]

It's happening to a friend. He only knows because he's (actually his wife, boy's SM) has received speeding tickets for times they were fast asleep.

The boy is clearly unhappy. He's been a "problem" for a long time, which is why he's living with dad FT, his mum said she couldn't take any more a out 18 months ago. You can see where some of the issues might stem from, but this is extreme.

SM is now (understandably) saying she doesn't want him in her house, and it is her house.

I feel my friend's (or someone's!) first priority should be the boy, but am at a loss for any practical advice or help.

When I meet him he's a quiet, polite and charming young lad!

Where do they turn?

I won't repeat what others have already said as I completely agree with the post from Puppy teeth & the recent ones from Notacooldad.

If the boys school have good pastoral care or a family support worker they could give advice in regard to support for the family, including step mum so they can understand what the underlying issues are & work together to support the boy. There's a bigger picture here.

Alternatively the charity Family Lives have a brilliant, easy to access website with lots of advice around parenting teens. They also have a helpline run by family support workers.

https://www.familylives.org.uk/

@Cliftrip please tell me the SM has said she wasn’t driving. Assuming these were from cameras, which makes it interesting.

Your friend needs to hide the keys.
This could have serious legal consequences.
When/if he's caught he's looking at a charge of "taking without owners consent or knowledge" or "taking and driving away", as well as "driving not in accordance" as he's unlicenced, and not being Insured. That's assuming he doesn't have some sort of collision. If you say you knew he took the car, you're in the frame for "permitting an offence/offences" .

Dad needs to get the police involved. The boy needs it to be made clear he's done wrong and will be punished. After that, chats can be had to get to the bottom of his behaviour. Kids often behave badly simply because they know they can get away with it, thus allowing the behaviour to continue.

First I'd march him down the police station and get him to explain what he's done and how his actions have jeopardised his SM's licence. He has to face up to this, otherwise he'll never understand actions have consequences. If the police want to take action, then that's his fault, no-one else's. Then arrange for GP referral for counselling or privately if not available for months. It could be useful to involve Social Services at this stage, as well, they may be able to direct things more quickly. Failing to act now is going to fail this boy in the long run.

Wow can’t imagine a 14 year old behind a wheel, they’re kids