Daughters wedding

[PeppyZebra]

Needing advice. My daughter gets married in 6 mnth at a church. She was having 3 bridesmaids. Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before. My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress. Two are fine. The other one(best man wife) has said she can't afford it. She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding. Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money. She works full time, he is a professional rugby player and they have just paid 60 grand cash no mortgage for an extension on their 5 bedroom house. She has messaged my daughter saying she just cannot afford to have her hair and make up done but has confirmed that she has made an appointment to have her make ip done professionally somewhere else on the day and it is to cost nearly £50. My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't. Just to point out also when my daughter gave her the link for the dress she ordered a completely different dress than what my daughter asked her to and ended up sending it back. I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

Don’t care how much it is! They shouldn’t have to pay.

Is your daughter paying for anything?

Exactly!!! It’s the principle.

They sound awful

Probably! They've probably asked great aunt Ethel to draw her pension early so she can buy herself a sherry.

Mad stuff.

Why not have a cheaper wedding?

Who cares about professional makeup?

Mind. Blown.

My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't.

Why can't she come? The other two aren't paying to "be there on the morning of the wedding", they are paying for services they are having on the morning of the wedding, if this other woman is not requiring those services, why would she not be able to be there?

Sounds like your daughter is expecting too much from her bridesmaids to be fair, the woman obviously CAN afford it, but doesn't want to pay for it, so maybe she just doesn't want making up in the style of the other two or doesn't want styling by someone she doesn't know.

Bridal hair and make up on the day should be entirely optional.

Everytime I have been a bridesmaid I was gifted the dress- I gifted the dresses to each of my bridesmaids also. Your daughter is being very unreasonable asking them for money for anything non negotiable.

Is it usual for people who are doing YOU or your family a favour (which being a BM is) to be out of pocket?

Bit strange if so.

If your daughter wants the bridesmaids to wear a dress of her choosing she needs to pay for it.
If someone wants to do their own makeup or wear none at all it’s their face, their choice.
In terms of hair I’d say the same for makeup but if your daughter wants a certain style for everyone then she needs to pay. Again.Obviously!
Why is your daughter being so controlling.
She is being unreasonable

Bridesmaid shouldn’t have to pay for anything, if the Bride is too cheap then don’t have three bridesmaids.

My little laughing emoji has disappeared today - if it was still there I’d use it !

I know it's been said but I just want to say it too....
Your daughter is ridiculous.

That is shocking behaviour and I'd be saying no to that too.

Yes, it's unbelievable.

The vast majority of brides pay for the bridesmaids dresses hair & make up. Your DD sounds like a bridezilla and you are perpetuating that.

There have been 2 weddings where I know the bridesmaids bought their own dresses, however, the weddings were on a shoestring budget and bridesmaids got to choose their dresses.

Surely no-one is this dense. She shouldn't have to pay anything for being a bridesmaid. Your daughter is being very grabby and trashy asking bridesmaids for that much.

Plus what the fuck has their house extension got to do with it!

Sorry OP it give me the ick reading that. You don’t charge bridesmaids. I paid for everything for my three, hence I am still friends with them all nearly 25 years later.

This sort of thing really annoys me. Don’t have three bridesmaids if you can’t afford to pay for three bridesmaids hair, makeup etc

was your daughter upfront with the costs when they were asked to be bridesmaids or has this been sprung on them.

don’t think the comment about getting a new extension without a mortgage was necessary - even if that is the case it doesn’t mean she has to subsidise your daughters wedding costs

Wow, payments plans to attend someone’s wedding to be their bridesmaid. That’s embarrassing. How tight is the bride?

HA HA! Bride and Motherzilla ! You are both totally unreasonable.

Tradition is that the bride & groom, and/or their parents, pay for everything to do with asking someone to be a bridesmaid. That includes the chosen dress, accessories, hair, make-up. You can’t possibly be expecting these women to pay for the ‘privilege’ of being in your daughter’s wedding party, particularly if you’re not giving them the opportunity to choose their attire??

Jeez. Why do some people getting married lose their minds! Insta-clicks?

It doesn’t matter how much per week it is, your dd should not be asking her bridesmaids to pay for their hair and makeup. It’s just rude!

Maybe she just doesn’t agree with being asked to be a bridesmaid but expected to pay. Husband and I were once bridesmaid & usher at a wedding of a princess who came from a wealthy family. Anything the bride & groom would traditionally pay for was foisted onto others (suit hire/bridesmaid dress/shoes/hair/make up). It left a very bitter taste.

I can’t believe anyone would pay £2.5k for a dress that will only be worn for a few hours.

Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before

That's your choice, time it was a tradition for the brides parents to pay for the wedding so no brownie points there.

It's irrelevant of how much money the bridesmaid and her husband have, or what they spend it on, it's been earned by them and isn't up to you to comment on their finances, your opinions seem to have rubbed off on your DD and are now causing upset where there needn't of been any.

When we got married we paid for everything, including the bridesmaids hair, make up, dresses, shoes, everything. I didn't expect anyone to fork out a cent for MY wedding. And we were poor uni students.