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Original poster

Daughters wedding

409 replies

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 18:36

Needing advice. My daughter gets married in 6 mnth at a church. She was having 3 bridesmaids. Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before. My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress. Two are fine. The other one(best man wife) has said she can't afford it. She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding. Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money. She works full time, he is a professional rugby player and they have just paid 60 grand cash no mortgage for an extension on their 5 bedroom house. She has messaged my daughter saying she just cannot afford to have her hair and make up done but has confirmed that she has made an appointment to have her make ip done professionally somewhere else on the day and it is to cost nearly £50. My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't. Just to point out also when my daughter gave her the link for the dress she ordered a completely different dress than what my daughter asked her to and ended up sending it back. I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

OP posts:
Buxusmortus · 02/06/2025 21:12

It's irrelevant how much or how little the bridesmaids or their other halves earn. They simply should not be paying anything for their dress, makeup or hair or anything about their overall appearance on the day which has been decided for them by your daughter. Even more mad is thinking the one could pay in installments like some kind of catalogue.

I'm very surprised that your daughter would have the nerve to ask, I've never heard of bridesmaids paying for their own outfits before. If the budget doesn't allow for her to have 3 bridesmaids then she should have just had one, or you could pay for them all.

Is your daughter expecting them to stump up for the hen party as well?

I have 2 children who are married. In both weddings the bride or family paid for bridesmaids' dresses, hair including any clips or bands, make up, bouquets, shoes, the only thing the bridesmaids paid for was their underwear.

Mum2jenny · 02/06/2025 21:12

If the bride to be has any specific requirements such as dress, makeup, shoes or whatever, she needs to pay for it. It should not be the bridesmaid who needs to pay for that sort of stuff.

surreygirl1987 · 02/06/2025 21:13

Olderbeforemytime · 02/06/2025 18:37

Your daughter is rude and grabby to ask bridesmaids to pay for their and make up. This is why the bridesmaid is refusing to pay for it.

Yeh I agree. I never asked for my bridesmaids to pay a penny. I think that's acceptable in America, but seen as really poor etiquette in England. I've never known anyone who has expected bridesmaids to pay.

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Weddings
dementedmummy · 02/06/2025 21:13

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

The bridesmaids finances are none of your concern. She has told you she can't afford it - respect it. Knarking on at her to get into debt is just crass. Regardless of whether she has just paid £60k cash for an extension (did you ever think that is the reason she has no money?), and her husband is a pro rugby player, did it cross your mind that maybe behind closed doors she is being financially abused? Maybe she doesn't have the ability to spend £50 on makeup because her husband won't allow it. Maybe she just doesn't want to spend £50 on makeup (I don't blame her on that point!). If you and your daughter really want her in the same make up etc, pay for it! If you can't afford to do something, spare a thought for the bridesmaid who also can't afford to do do.

EastGrinstead · 02/06/2025 21:13

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 02/06/2025 18:46

I'm also rather intrigued about the fact that she's having three bridesmaids, one of whom is the best man's wife and another of whom is her brother's girlfriend.

Does she not have any close friends?

I wonder why.

lifeonthelane · 02/06/2025 21:14

Oh dear OP, this backfired a bit, didn't it? 🤣🫣

Tigger1895 · 02/06/2025 21:14

I have heard of bridesmaids buying their own dresses but, that was their wedding gift to the couple. They always wore a dress they had a say in, it was never dictated. Hair and makeup is either something that the couple pay for, or is done by the BMs themselves.

TryForSpring · 02/06/2025 21:17

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

...she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

Imagine telling a bridesmaid that she can pay off her wedding makeup at £2/week up until the big day. Just imagine. The cringe is off the scale.

surreygirl1987 · 02/06/2025 21:17

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

You and your daughter are mad. Why on earth should she fork out £150 for dress, hair and makeup to be bridesmaid in someone's wedding? That's just not how it's done. The bride provides the dress (unless she's happy with the bridesmaid choosing her own), and covers hair/makeup if she wants it professionally done. I paid for the dress and shawls but said they could wear whatever shoes they wanted. And I covered the cost of hair OR makeup (they all chose hair, and did own makeup). I also gifted them with matching jewellery to wear, and, as I wanted them onsite very early, also covered the cost of their accommodation and food the night before the wedding. That's just what you do if you want people to be 'in' your wedding!

Doctorkrank · 02/06/2025 21:18

Why aren’t the bridesmaid’s dresses and make up being paid for??? So rude!! I was bridesmaid for a friend of mine and I know for a fact money was a bit tight, dresses and makeup were still paid for! Had to buy my own shoes though which I didn’t mind at all.

ShillyShallySherbet · 02/06/2025 21:18

I think the bridesmaid has already paid for her own dress and make up, if it’s just about the hair then my best advice is that the bridesmaid does her own hair for the wedding if your daughter isn’t willing to pay for it to be done.

I think it’s really cheeky though asking your bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, hair and make up. I’ve never ever heard of such a thing. I’ve been a bridesmaid four times and I’d have passed on the opportunity for sure if I’d been expected to pay for my own dress, hair and make up.

surreygirl1987 · 02/06/2025 21:19

dementedmummy · 02/06/2025 21:13

The bridesmaids finances are none of your concern. She has told you she can't afford it - respect it. Knarking on at her to get into debt is just crass. Regardless of whether she has just paid £60k cash for an extension (did you ever think that is the reason she has no money?), and her husband is a pro rugby player, did it cross your mind that maybe behind closed doors she is being financially abused? Maybe she doesn't have the ability to spend £50 on makeup because her husband won't allow it. Maybe she just doesn't want to spend £50 on makeup (I don't blame her on that point!). If you and your daughter really want her in the same make up etc, pay for it! If you can't afford to do something, spare a thought for the bridesmaid who also can't afford to do do.

Show quote history

Yeh, maybe she can afford it but just isn't willing to pay for it - and I don't blame her! So rude to expect her to pay!

SophieJo · 02/06/2025 21:22

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

You are both being vvvunreasonable and I hope you follow the advice given to you on here, though I doubt it.

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 02/06/2025 21:23

Bloody hell this sounds like one spoiled bride to be.

Assuming you're in the UK then it's not at all expected for the bridesmaids or groomsmen to pay for their own outfits - that expense is covered by the bride & groom. Particularly if there is a very specific thing that they are requested to wear.
Similarly make up/hair - it's for the bride to cover if they want a particular look. Even then, common courtesy dictates that it should be offered. Otherwise, the bm's do their own and can/often do the bride's too.

People seem to forget that the wedding is ONE DAY. It's the start of a marriage. The rest of the days are equally important. It's not all about being centre stage and showing off (although it's perfectly reasonable to have a 'day to shine') and riding roughshod over everyone else to achieve it.

Zanatdy · 02/06/2025 21:26

Sorry but I think they are all things the bride and groom should pay for. Why should someone be £150 out of pocket to serve as someone’s bridesmaid? Not to mention cost of hen do. Yes she can afford it, but is probably making a point by not paying. It’s a lot to ask.

Fullfatandfortyplus · 02/06/2025 21:27

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

The bridesmaids don’t pay for any of these things. I paid for my bridesmaids dress hair and make up and have been a bridesmaid 4 times and the bride has paid. Why don’t you start putting £2 a week aside to pay for it.

TheFairyCaravan · 02/06/2025 21:29

I’m cringing myself inside out for you and your DD at offering the bridesmaid a payment plan for her dress, hair/makeup. How on earth are you not embarrassed?

Motheroffive999 · 02/06/2025 21:34

Bride should pay for her bridesmaids dresses, hair and make up.

MummaMummaMumma · 02/06/2025 21:35

It's extremely rude and unreasonable to ask the bridesmaids to pay for anything at all. The people getting married pay for absolutely everything.
She is right for not paying!!

Motheroffive999 · 02/06/2025 21:38

Are guests paying for own food and drink ?

RadioWhatsNew · 02/06/2025 21:39

You can't seriously think your daughter is being reasonable here?

She's picked the dress for the bridesmaids and expects them to have their hair and make-up done by someone she has also picked and she expects them to pay £150 for it themselves?

Your daughter should be paying for the dresses, hair and make-up for all 3 bridesmaids, she's incredibly rude and selfish to land the cost of her wedding on them!

TENSsion · 02/06/2025 21:39

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

If it’s such an inconsequential amount, your daughter won’t mind paying it.

She could put away £2 a week towards it.

Doctorkrank · 02/06/2025 21:40

I read the OP again and I’m even more flabbergasted on the second reading. Are people really this mean, stupid, and self-absorbed? Incredible. Love the fact the daughter no longer wants the bridesmaid there as she is not prepared to pay £150 for the honour of attending her wedding! It’s just so embarrassing.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 02/06/2025 21:42

You and your daughter are unreasonable. Bridesmaids don’t pay for their dresses, hair or make up. If the bride can’t afford it, just don’t have bridesmaids!! They are not mandatory…

Forestbathing12 · 02/06/2025 21:42

😂

Your dd is a cf bridezilla

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