Daughters wedding

[PeppyZebra]

Needing advice. My daughter gets married in 6 mnth at a church. She was having 3 bridesmaids. Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before. My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress. Two are fine. The other one(best man wife) has said she can't afford it. She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding. Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money. She works full time, he is a professional rugby player and they have just paid 60 grand cash no mortgage for an extension on their 5 bedroom house. She has messaged my daughter saying she just cannot afford to have her hair and make up done but has confirmed that she has made an appointment to have her make ip done professionally somewhere else on the day and it is to cost nearly £50. My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't. Just to point out also when my daughter gave her the link for the dress she ordered a completely different dress than what my daughter asked her to and ended up sending it back. I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

Poor bridesmaids, honestly

I would suddenly have a conflicting engagement. It's batshit.

Are you American where it's more normal, from what I hear, for BMs to pay for their dress?

Everyone I know has paid for anything they dictate to their bridesmaids. So if the bride picks the dresses and insists on professional hair and makeup, the bride pays. But if the BMs can choose what to wear and whether to have professional hair and makeup or not, asking them to pay or contribute is acceptable.

I paid for two of my BMs dresses. The other two wore dresses they already owned. They all did their own makeup and three did their own hair. One paid for their own hairdresser.

It's really unnecessary drama. Just let this girl do hair and makeup that makes her comfortable!

You don't seem to understand that the norm is for the bride to pay for everything...dress, shoes, flowers, makeup and hair. DS and DIL also paid for much more than that recently, including, accommodation, gifts, pjs, slippers, bags, robes,etc.
They also paid for all the bestman and groomsmen's suits and shoes too. Your DD is getting off very lightly.

How is she disrupting the day by NOT using the make up artist? She’s making it easier serving with it done.

you are complaining about nothing AND being wildly unreasonable

Kindly - you and your daughter are most definitely wrong. Allow the bridesmaid to do as she likes with her money, welcome her in the morning and enjoy the wedding.

Bridesmaid pay for dress, hair and make up for bridesmaids. YABU and it's not up to you to decide what she can afford. I was bridesmaid recently some people were miffed I didn't stay at the venue 2 nights - I am single so it was a bigger expense to me than other bridesmaids who were there with their husbands. Yes I could have paid for it but it's my money and I budget carefully it was more than I wanted to spend so I didn't and I bet this bridesmaid feels the same!

I love wedding season on Mumsnet

🤦‍♀️

I am bewildered. There is enough money to spend £2500 on a frock for the bride but not enough for the Bridesmaid's dresses, hair and make-up.

Gently @PeppyZebra If budgets are tight, the bride should have chosen a cheaper frock.

Whhhaaaaatttttt???? Why the hell are the bridesmaids paying for their own dress and hair and makeup to be done?? Am I missing something?

You’re pulling our legs aren’t you, you have to be. You offered a £2 a week payment plan?? I bet she has had a right giggle with her mates about it, All aboard the bus to cringetown

Also, £2500 on the wedding dress and you’ve got the bridesmaids paying for theirs? This has to be a windup surely??

This 💯

Perhaps your DD should post this on the Bridezilla WhatsApp group 😅

Please listen to the advice you’re getting here.
You and your DD are being entirely unreasonable and grabby. Quite how you can’t see that is beyond me.
Your “payment plan” suggestion is adding huge insult to injury.

Judging from my forays into Reddit, some UK brides are now copying the US habit of requiring the bridesmaids to pay for everything.

Awful behaviour on your DD’s part! You don’t ask your bridesmaids to pay for their own dress, hair or make up. I got married 20 years ago and I paid for the dresses and jewellery. I paid for my hair to be done professionally. I couldn’t afford for everyone to have theirs done so my girls did their own hair and we all did our own make up together. It was fun! We didn’t have a lot of money. My dress was £500. We had a beautiful venue but we had to cut back on other things to afford it. I certainly wasn’t going to charge my bridesmaids £150 each! That’s incredibly grabby and rude. How dare you feel aggrieved that this bridesmaid has chosen to spend her own money on her own make up. It’s none of your business what she paid. And offering her a payment plan of £2 a week. Dear god, please tell me you haven’t actually offered that up..?! You and your DD need to give your heads a wobble. As for listing what you’ve paid for at the start of your post….. this has nothing to do with the bridesmaids or the rest of your post. Why do we need to know what you’re paying for?! Listing what you’ve paid for is vulgar and unnecessary and perhaps gives a clue as why your DD is the way she is. The words apple and not far from the tree spring to mind.

Awful!

@PeppyZebra You seem to have a bizarrely inappropriate amount of information about this young woman. You do know that being a professional rugby player is nothing like being a professional footballer don’t you? They don’t earn mega millions, and even if they did, it’s none of your business and is totally irrelevant in this scenario, she’s perfectly free to spend her money on what she chooses to.

And your daughter is disrupting the whole occasion for the sake of £450 which she could have gained by having a less eye-wateringly expensive dress.

Whether she can afford it is not the point. Your daughter is the one getting married, if she wants someone in the bridal party to wear something in particular or to have their hair/make up done then she should be paying. These costs wouldn’t be there for the bridesmaids if she wasn’t getting married and having them as bridesmaids

This!

Get some class!

Mumzilla.

It shouldn’t cost anyone to be a bridesmaid. They are doing your daughter a favour, she hasn’t bestowed some great honour on them. Your attitude also stinks and why do you know so much about this woman’s finances? You both sound grabby and terrible and I would hate to be part of this wedding party.

If you can afford a £2.5k dress, you can afford to pay £150, or more accurately £450.

Or are you claiming you can't afford it while you're showing off by buying £££ expensive shit?