I like a man in my local supermarket - how do I tell if he likes me too?

[Theguyintesco]

Okay so please be kind, I’m mid 40s but am so out of practice with the whole flirting thing.

Theres a man in my local Tesco. I’ve only noticed him over the last couple of months on a weekend but he always makes sure to say hi whenever we pass in the shop and whenever he’s manning the self checkout and I’m using them he will initiate a bit of a chat. Just a hi, how are you type thing but if I’m a bit more chatty, he will be.

He seems a nice guy, very attentive but I do think he’s just one of those good customer service type people. He does chat to other people to, although maybe not as long as he does with me.

I don’t know whether I fancy him as such or whether he’s more the type of person I’d like to be friends with/go for a drink with. He’s slightly older than me and today he was outside the store as I was coming out with my trolley, he noticed me and said hi and came over, I said hello back and asked if he only works weekends but “not that I’m keeping track or anything”(I am, lol) he said he’s got a full time job elsewhere that he works from home a Mon-Weds and in the office Thur-Fri and that if I ever see him in Tesco a weekday it’s overtime… I didn’t want to keep him too long as he was working so just nodded and made shocked faces at the distance he travels to work (he told me what town he works in at his other job) and a bit of “omg I thought I was busy!” as I walked away and he ended by saying “it was really nice to see you - it always is” to which I replied “you too”.

so yes a pretty normal conversation I guess…but the “it always is” stuck in my mind. I’m sure it was just a standard customer service thing to say but it felt different, or maybe I was hoping it did.

how do I tell? I actually really want to know why this other job is and why he’s working at Tesco at the weekend but I feel like it might be strange to ask that next time I see him at the self checkout!?

any tips on anything I can say to gauge his interest in the minute or so I have when I see him in Tesco? That’s the first time I’ve seen him outside the shop so missed my chance for a decent chat I think!

any advice welcome. Please don’t laugh at me for making a mountain out of a molehill 🫣

Ok fair enough. I was furthering the scenario op
posted regarding buying alcohol so he would have to go over to approve.

I'm 42 and although I did get ID'd up until I was around 32, they all do that thing now of approving me without even looking at me 😭😆

I'll just chat like I used to. I haven't actually done anything wrong, have I; apart from being outing on here obviously, so why I feel weird or guilty about talking to him again, I don't know.

I wish I could work out why he was so overly pleased to see me up until I posted this thread though! As there was a definite tone change afterwards!

Any update OP?

Tesco man is absolutely, 100% avoiding me. Too much of a coincidence that the time I go in (at slightly different times), he will be on the self checkouts when I walk in and by the time I get to the tills he's not around. Not that I'm looking out or anything but I feel really awkward and uncomfortable about it now so I'm sort of wishing he'd just be there so he can see I'm not going to bother him!

I do find it a strange reaction as it's not like I came onto him or anything, just had a passing crush which has thankfully now disappeared and I'm left with crushing embarrassment, lol.

Oh, and my ex had the exact same conversation with him the other week apparently. My ex told me that he'd see Tesco guy and asked if he only worked weekends and Tesco guy went into his usual thing of where he works, but didn't go into as much detail as he did with me. So I'm sure that made things even weirder, having two people he's seen shopping together, ask him the exact same question a few weeks apart 🙄

Maybe I'll just shop elsewhere and remember not to be so outing on posts from now on!

I think your ex is possibly shit stirring or has an agenda here.

I was excited to see that you had updated your post OP.
I so hoped you would be saying something different and I'm sorry, sorry that you're now left feeling embarrassed, awesome awful way to feel.
Many years ago when I was probably late teens, I too developed a crush on a man who was likely in his mid to high twenties, and worked in a nearby grocery store, he wasn't wearing a wedding ring, and I still remember his name.
I would saunter over as often as I could think of a reason to go there, and I just felt a little magic between us when he looked at me and I looked at him and we chatted a little bit. Thinking back I remember I saw him leaving the store after his shift and I stealthily, at least I thought it was stealthily, followed him to the parking lot at the back of the store so that I could see what kind of car he drove.
I'm pretty sure he saw me, and from that time on I must have creeped him out because every time I went in the store he disappeared and I never got close enough to exchange light conversation with him again.
So I do understand at least a little bit how you feel and I'm sorry it went this way.
I also think you have your ex to thank for that!

Omg, awful not awesome!

Thanks. I do find it strange as it would be weird for a middle aged man to be on Mumsnet, although there are some, I know.

So that leaves someone he works with, seeing this thread, recognising it as this guy and telling him presumably in a joking sort of way and him being mortified that someone's made a thread about him (understandable) but whats the chances of someone he works with seeing it, recognising it and telling him... or my ex said or did something but I can't work out what, and why that would make him avoid me.
Can't ask my ex, obviously and as he's avoiding me I can't even broach the subject with him in any way.

So yeah, weird. But never going to know...

You could try "Love actually" him and show up with some signs telling him you had/have a crush, sorry if he found it weird, please stop avoiding me...?

On a serious note, I definitely think your ex has something to do with it but you've nothing to be embarrassed about.

I think he likes you OP. The initiating convo with you outside the store and “it’s nice to see you - it is always is” comment. In my experience this isn’t standard male shop worker behaviour - unless they’re interested in you.

Someone suggested you ask him for a coffee but you intimated you’re not ready yet? If you can’t do that could you suggest swapping numbers? His response will give you your answer I think. Just wondering how you would feel if he suddenly left the store and you didn’t see him again? Would you wish you had taken a chance?

Are you sure he isn't just feeling he maybe went a bit far with his "always is"? It may be him who feels he has overstepped and is trying to play it cool.

I think all you can do is continue to shop and act normal.

No, well I don't know...but something happened.

Like I said, either he saw this thread/someone spoke to him about it or my ex said something (but no idea what he could've said and TBF, my ex tends to be the type to tell me stuff like that. He'd probably happily tell me that he teased my 'crush' about me fancying him or something, but he didn't so I don't think he would've said anything). But he was definitely different the last time I saw him, with the trolleys.

Maybe he just doesn't recognise me as much as I thought he did and I'm imagining being ignored, who knows 😆

The crush has dissipated now he isn't speaking to me so it's worked in both our favours anyway.

Just a bit sad I don't get a chat in Tesco anymore!

PS - @4PawsandATail I did think about popping a note in an envelope and either leaving it on the self checkout desk thing they have, or asking someone to give it to him and just write something like "if you've heard anything or I made you feel awkward, sorry" But keep it anonymous but that feels like it would freak him out even more.
I'm still toying with shopping elsewhere at weekends now though...

The frustrating thing is, if I hadn't posted this thread I probably wouldn't be thinking anything of the fact he isn't speaking to me anymore and seems to turn invisible when I arrive at the store.

And even if I did, my usual reaction would be to make a joke of it next time I ever did see him "oh, thought you were ignoring me" sort of thing.
But because I keep posting my thoughts on here and I'm worried he's privy to this thread, I'm cautious of saying anything in case it looks even more stalkerish than it might already, even though all I've done (apart from posting this thread) is chat normally to him in store. I haven't even flirted!
Which is why it's so weird if he is ignoring or avoiding me and why it leads me to believe someone he works with is passing info on.

I genuinely think you are being a bit paranoid.

I mean how many Tesco stores are there and, unless he told someone he said "always is" they would have zero reason to assume he was involved.

I just meant the detail I'd put about his working hours. They might've just said there's a man that sounds like you on Mumsnet. Or maybe he's got a wife and she saw it and told him off for giving customers the impression he fancies them 😆

But yeah, paranoia. Whatever. I'll just forget about it anyway.

Just find it weird that he suddenly changed personalities, that's all.

I guess if he has found out and does have a wife etc then maybe he just realises he's given off a wrong impression and is trying to change that - which isn't so bad on his part.

But don't worry: you've done nothing wrong. It's no shame to think someone seems nice.

Thanks, the shame comes from posting about in on here, haha! I read through this thread earlier to see how I came across and I haven't even said I fancied the guy, not really anyway.

And it's genuinely more just that I enjoyed the little two-minute chats and being asked how I am, in amongst all the other staff ignoring me 😆

Anyway. I changed the time I went in today and took a different route around the shop, just in case he was spotting me and hiding.

I deliberately didn't go to the bit he was on, had a couple of glances down his way as casually as I could and he either didn't see me or was avoiding me, but I walked past him on the way out and he didn't even look at me. He used to...

So either it's completely my imagination or I have offended or made him feel awkward.

I don't even know whether to say hi to him as he doesn't even seem to recognise me now, what if when he said it's always nice talking to me, he thought I was someone else because he doesn't seem to act the same way at all anymore.

I realise I'm overthinking but due to posting here I'm now even worried about going in the shop once a day (I forgot something in my shop earlier but didn't want to go back in, in case he noticed me the first time and thought I'd come back in to try and get him to notice me or something! It wasn't important so can wait til tomorrow anyway, but still.
I even avoid buying anything that needs an ID check at the weekend, because of people suggesting I buy wine to get him to chat to me 😆

I just find it sad, as he did brighten up my shop a little bit and now he's ignoring me. Any ideas on how to sort it or do I need to just forget he exists?

Worst case scenario he got the impression you were interested and is now avoiding you - so what? You're reacting ro the uncomfortableness of that, but just deciding you don't care and getting on with your shopping is a valid option. I would stop looking out for him and just get on with it. Doing so will take the adrenaline out of the situation and it'll become normal again. If you accidentally bump into him just be as you would with any other member of staff. Even if he remembers you as the woman he thought fancied him he'll realise you've gone off him and probably wonder if he imagined the whole thing. It's only a big deal if you let it be.

Good point, thanks :)

To be honest op, if I was at work and a guy was coming in often, talking to me all the time, and I thought they had a crush, I'd probably avoid as much as I could. I go to work to work and prefer to keep social /romantic life well seperate 😂 not saying this is the case, but maybe he has realised the chats you keep having are a bit full on and he's just trying to pull back and keep things professional.

😬

I think this is pretty much exactly what op was worried about!

If you are reading this Tesco man, please just say hello and be normal to op! She's ready to be normal back - so she can just move on and get her groceries without stress!

Chat to a different member of staff? Say hello/ be friendly etc. then he may realise you’re just nice to everyone.

Oh, whoops, apologies op, I have huge difficulties with understanding other's perspectives and thought I was being helpful with my suggestion, obviously not 😂

He definitely likes you op, no one would say that out of politeness

I couldn't ask him out to his face but I could bring in a little note with my phone number and give it to him as I left the shop