I like a man in my local supermarket - how do I tell if he likes me too?

[Theguyintesco]

Okay so please be kind, I’m mid 40s but am so out of practice with the whole flirting thing.

Theres a man in my local Tesco. I’ve only noticed him over the last couple of months on a weekend but he always makes sure to say hi whenever we pass in the shop and whenever he’s manning the self checkout and I’m using them he will initiate a bit of a chat. Just a hi, how are you type thing but if I’m a bit more chatty, he will be.

He seems a nice guy, very attentive but I do think he’s just one of those good customer service type people. He does chat to other people to, although maybe not as long as he does with me.

I don’t know whether I fancy him as such or whether he’s more the type of person I’d like to be friends with/go for a drink with. He’s slightly older than me and today he was outside the store as I was coming out with my trolley, he noticed me and said hi and came over, I said hello back and asked if he only works weekends but “not that I’m keeping track or anything”(I am, lol) he said he’s got a full time job elsewhere that he works from home a Mon-Weds and in the office Thur-Fri and that if I ever see him in Tesco a weekday it’s overtime… I didn’t want to keep him too long as he was working so just nodded and made shocked faces at the distance he travels to work (he told me what town he works in at his other job) and a bit of “omg I thought I was busy!” as I walked away and he ended by saying “it was really nice to see you - it always is” to which I replied “you too”.

so yes a pretty normal conversation I guess…but the “it always is” stuck in my mind. I’m sure it was just a standard customer service thing to say but it felt different, or maybe I was hoping it did.

how do I tell? I actually really want to know why this other job is and why he’s working at Tesco at the weekend but I feel like it might be strange to ask that next time I see him at the self checkout!?

any tips on anything I can say to gauge his interest in the minute or so I have when I see him in Tesco? That’s the first time I’ve seen him outside the shop so missed my chance for a decent chat I think!

any advice welcome. Please don’t laugh at me for making a mountain out of a molehill 🫣

Could you buy something heavy and cumbersome (microwave?) and ask him to carry it out to the car for you? Make lots of eye contact, smile, add in you can’t ask your ex who he chats to as he is out of the picture and ask how this differs from his Monday to Friday job. Cheesy, I know, but some men love being KISWA. You can return the microwave midweek.

I quite like this - and return the microwave to another shop though

Oh, yeah I speak to my ex. Wouldn't say we're friends but he knows what time I shop and plans his shop to be at the same time... Anyway just casually mentioned the other week that we'd had a slightly longer chat and he's actually quite interesting, said he'd be the type of person I'd go for a drink with and my ex pulled a face and said "really?!" That was the extent of it.

I dont think I'd want to be asking for his help carrying something but maybe I could buy some wine one day and see if it gets him talking. My ex said he'd had a chat with him about red wine once... I don't drink red wine but worth a try maybe.

I don't know whether I can play damsel in distress that well tbh 😆

Good idea @mumofoneAlonebutokay. I like that.
If he can’t leave the self-checkouts to carry out an item, take through a security tagged bottle of your favourite tipple to draw him to you, smile then ask what he likes to drink when he goes out. It leads him to talk about his circumstances. If there’s a green light you could suggest it would taste better when shared with someone.

@YummyYorkies is there a less obvious and terrifying alternative to that? I like the idea of somehow letting him know that my ex is my ex, because he does sometimes follow e round the shop talking to me and the guy may have seen us together and assumed we're 'together'.

I'm also kicking myself that I scarpered so quickly when I took the trolley back because I sort of stood there waiting him to finish faffing before he turned round and noticed me then took the trolley from me, so I could've said something then, or afterwards. At least asked how he was or something. Or even passed comment on him being stuck outside doing trolleys instead of on checkouts...I don't know, anything. Instead of "thanks" and running away, haha!

I also still want to know what his other job is and why he always works at Tesco but by the next time I see him, it'll have been four weeks since he told me about it, so I don't think I could ask about it now?

X post OP.
Stop talking about Tillman to (the stalker) your ex. Alter your shopping time to ex and stop giving off negative signals (such as head down) to TT. Linger, smile and chat. Give him some reciprocation which you can always pass off as friendliness if you’ve misunderstood.

I'll try. I'm not sure I know how to linger without it looking obvious that I'm hanging around him. But maybe I'll buy some alcohol or something with an age restriction next weekend and see if he comes to help. I'm not great at conversation, or flirting, or doing anything other than getting out the way as quickly as possible when I'm at self checkouts, that's the problem!

But yes I'll try harder to avoid the ex from now on!

“I bet this job is quite different to the one you do Monday-Friday.”
“You brighten my day you’re always so happy.” (Starts to give him hope if he’s interested. Then..)
“According to my ex you like red wine but I prefer X - always better when shared.” Cheesy, I know, but hey.

"Right, let me know a recommendation for red. It's something I'd love to get into, but don't know where to start, and last time I.was here my ex (who is possessive and is kind of stalking me, and who I tolerate) said you liked red wine."

👏 @Twonewcats

A much better development than mine.

"it'll have been four weeks since he told me about it, so I don't think I could ask about it now?" - you certainly can. it will show that you were listening & interested in what he has to say.

to attempt to take this further and/or find out where he stands, if you get chatting again i would say something like: "so how on earth does your partner cope with your long working hours?" gives him the perfect opportunity to indicate whether he is free or not. depending how that goes (& if he is unattached), you might add: "Really? we're in the same boat". and perhaps take it from there (or he might)...

Thank you for the conversation starters, haha, I really did have no clue what to say at all without being totally obvious.

I'll have a go at the weekend!

best of luck ☘️ 🙏 keep us posted! ❤️

I think a massive bag of compost rather than a microwave.

This is how horror movies start

I'm invested in this I need to see how it pans out! Don't worry OP he was probably just moved to a different section.

Ok so I have a new question (sorry @TravelMoose by the way for being such a cliche).

That time we had a longer chat about his work outside the store, he caught my eye and said hello cheerily as if he recognised me, then I asked him about his working hours etc and the chat followed on, with him obviously saying at the end it was nice to speak to me and always is, etc.

There was a definite "I recognise this customer" type thing going on and it had been like that for a few weeks, where everytime I'd gone in the store and he walked past me, he'd make sure to say hi.
He'd always be the one to come over if anything had an age restriction on it, despite other assistants being around. He could just be a hard worker, obviously and until the longer chat that's all I thought it was.

Then after my post there were a couple of weeks where I walked past him on the self checkout I was still on the shop side at that point and he came over to the checkout nearest me as I was walking past him, but seemed to carry on with what he was doing and didn't notice me. I was making sure not to look at him but I didn't notice him looking out of my peripheral vision or anything.

This week, as I say I stopped to check my phone while he was a few feet away with his back to me, he then turned round and didn't seem to notice me, said hello to the man in front of me (I was right outside the shop so it was fairly crowded, but it was that day he noticed me and had the longer chat, too) and only spoke to me when I took my trolley back to the park and he happened to be there. There definitely wasn't the same friendliness from him; I know it sounds silly but his smile wasnt as broad and his tone of voice was different. I don't mean to sound like a stalker but I'm sure everyone knows what I mean; it was just different and it was much more... Stilted. But still polite.

So I'm wondering, did he not recognise me the other day? Does he ever recognise me? When he spoke to me the other times, was that actually just his usual customer service patter or has something happened that now he feels awkward speaking to me?

Part of the reason I don't want to be overly friendly or anything is because although I recognise people easily - after I've been in a shop a few times I'll recognise people that have served me, but they don't seem to recognise me at all.

I see people go into shops and say hi to the staff all the time and they all act like they know each other but how do you actually get to that point?

Asking in general by the way, not necessarily because of shop guy!

Well he sounds more pleasant and cheerful than any of the staff I've met in a Tesco store.

It's a difficult call, as he could just be providing great customer service. Some businesses really push for employees to generate a familiar rapport with customers, remember their names and acknowledge customer loyalty. But that said, it sounds as though Tesco is just a bit of casual side work from him so realistically, I'd be surprised but not shocked if he was being a devout professional.

Before you do anything, you need to decide if you like him platonically or in a romantic way. There are staff I recognise in some of the stores I go in and am on first name terms with them and will chat but they are mostly female, so it's purely platonic & friendly chit chat.

You know which town he works away in and what date. Put the scent out there and say to him that you'll be in the town on the day he's there (what a coincidence ;) ) and that you might bump in to him in a near by bar. Observe how he responds. Does he politely brush it off as a joke or does he genuinely seem interested in meeting you? The former would most likely mean that he's just paying you lip service and being a good customer service provider. The latter would mean that he really is interested in you.

Prepare for the worst but hope for the best.

Good luck.

I chat to some Tesco staff. It started with a hi/ thank you. Then progressed to how’re you.
now we are up to health/ family / new additions and it’s lovely.

in your situation maintain your friendly demeanor. See what happens. For your questions ask them in general chat mode. It shows you remembered his last conversation.

Casually drop in that you’re avoiding your ex and you often see him in that tesco.

But what if he doesn't remember it? Then I look crazy (ier than I do already!).

But the facts of the previous chat are true. Unless he’s an extreme liar!
So he does have another job and you’ve remembered.

I like the buying wine thing as then you’ll get ID checked and he gets your name in the process if he’s interested.

I think you're fine to chat op, and ask about the other job - and casually drop in the thing about your ex as well

I just think you need to build it back up again, with some chat but keep cool and lighthearted

You're gonna be fine 🙂 - what day are you going? I'd avoid it when its too busy x

Not necessarily. If the OP is well above the age of 18, she may not be asked at all. I find it very creepy and intrusive that someone would ID someone to get their name for romantic/sexual pursuits.

Remembering this is Mumsnet, and that the average age to have children is around 31, I see it very unlikely that she'd be asked for ID and I'd find it very concerning if she was.