I like a man in my local supermarket - how do I tell if he likes me too?

[Theguyintesco]

Okay so please be kind, I’m mid 40s but am so out of practice with the whole flirting thing.

Theres a man in my local Tesco. I’ve only noticed him over the last couple of months on a weekend but he always makes sure to say hi whenever we pass in the shop and whenever he’s manning the self checkout and I’m using them he will initiate a bit of a chat. Just a hi, how are you type thing but if I’m a bit more chatty, he will be.

He seems a nice guy, very attentive but I do think he’s just one of those good customer service type people. He does chat to other people to, although maybe not as long as he does with me.

I don’t know whether I fancy him as such or whether he’s more the type of person I’d like to be friends with/go for a drink with. He’s slightly older than me and today he was outside the store as I was coming out with my trolley, he noticed me and said hi and came over, I said hello back and asked if he only works weekends but “not that I’m keeping track or anything”(I am, lol) he said he’s got a full time job elsewhere that he works from home a Mon-Weds and in the office Thur-Fri and that if I ever see him in Tesco a weekday it’s overtime… I didn’t want to keep him too long as he was working so just nodded and made shocked faces at the distance he travels to work (he told me what town he works in at his other job) and a bit of “omg I thought I was busy!” as I walked away and he ended by saying “it was really nice to see you - it always is” to which I replied “you too”.

so yes a pretty normal conversation I guess…but the “it always is” stuck in my mind. I’m sure it was just a standard customer service thing to say but it felt different, or maybe I was hoping it did.

how do I tell? I actually really want to know why this other job is and why he’s working at Tesco at the weekend but I feel like it might be strange to ask that next time I see him at the self checkout!?

any tips on anything I can say to gauge his interest in the minute or so I have when I see him in Tesco? That’s the first time I’ve seen him outside the shop so missed my chance for a decent chat I think!

any advice welcome. Please don’t laugh at me for making a mountain out of a molehill 🫣

I've been putting off posting in here because either someone knew the guy in question and told him, or my ex did (I'd simply mentioned that he's the sort of friendly guy I'd be up for going for a drink with, didn't mention any romantic feelings or thoughts but my ex is a bit of a loudmouth and he also talks to the guy in question as he shops there also).

So yeah figured posting again about events, if he had found out about this post somehow, wasnt the best idea as it would make it even more obvious it's me!

Anyway. After I posted last time, the following week and ever since, he seems to be avoiding me. Moved to a different section the first week so not on checkouts, this week he was but I walked past him as I entered the store (keeping my head down and avoiding looking at him), and when I got to checkouts he'd disappeared so I imagine he'd taken his break as he saw me come into the shop or something.

Or I'm imagining it all. Who knows. Not like I can ever speak to or look at him again in case he did read this post or found out about it and worries I'm gonna ask him out or something 😆

Aww, not the update I was hoping for.

More likely your ex, to be sure, stop telling him anything like this.

Tesco guys loss, you sound lovely.

I used to live on a canal barge. I once made an origami boat with my number, and a message saying "if you're ever down the canal for a walk pop in for coffee..". I put it on the conveyor belt of the checkout girl I had a crush on, and legged it with my shopping, while she dealt with the next customer. Ha, it worked! 😂

Sorry to read your update OP. Plenty more trolley boys in the great car park of life...

Oh @Theguyintesco I was thinking about your previous post just yesterday and I wondered if we'd hear from you again.
I too am very sorry to hear this, I had in my head quite a different ending.
Thank you for following up and letting us know, I 100% agree with
PP, you do sound like a really lovely person.

Oh don't worry it's fine. The crush had subsided not long after my last post anyway, then when he seemed to be avoiding me I was confused, until I realised what had probably happened.

If anyone did let Tesco guy know he'd had a Mumsnet list about him, please send my apologies and reassure him I'm not going to be sending him a Christmas card 😆🫣

Just a bit weird being actively avoided by someone and was half tempted to bring it up to try and rectify the situation, but obviously I'll just leave it as I know it probably wouldn't help!

That's an amazing story though, it's the cutest thing!

It’ll be ok oP.

It has possibly been coincidence and in any case, once he realises you aren’t about to pounce, he will relax into his friendly self again - and he will never really know. And in a way you might have an answer without the awkwardness of asking; you can still just pretend it wasn’t you! 🤐

OP, if you're putting your head down you're giving vibes of not being interested. And he is there to work, I wouldn't assume anything based on what you've written, let alone that your ex has spoken to him or he knows about this thread.

I doubt he gets to choose where he works, or what time he takes his breaks OP.

Maybe. I'll act normal then.

But it's a huge coincidence as he's been working in the exact same section for as far back as I can remember and the last two weeks since this post, he hasn't. And he definitely disappeared completely out of sight when I was at the tills, so I don't know.

I don't even know whether to update this if there's a chance he might be hearing about them!

There isn't really anything to tell apart from me overthinking but I feel the detail is necessary... But possibly as outing as my other posts.

But without detail - today I think I blushed when I spoke two words to him and then I scuttled away.

Going well, this! 🫣

Maybe I'll start shopping at Asda instead!

You saw him today? What was he like, not chatty?

Well this is the thing, I don't want to post too much in case he is reading this and it makes things worse.

But, screw it.

I didn't think he was working as he wasn't inside so I relaxed a bit, came out of the store with my trolley and he had his back to me doing something with the trolley bay. My stomach jumped a bit so for some inconceivable reason I decided to stop (in a corner, not in anyone's way) and busy myself on my phone but could sort of see in my peripheral what he was doing.
He walked over towards my general direction, exchanged some pleasantries with a man who was just in front of me and then walked back into the car park to collect more trollies. Didn't notice him look at me but then I didn't look at him either.

When I took my trolley back to the bay he was there sorting them out and he turned, asked if he could take my trolley for me, I looked at him, blushed, attempted a casual thank you which turned out quite squeaky actually, and scuttled away again as he said something like "no problem, thanks".

So yeah. I assume I look mental now but at least I know he's not avoiding speaking to me, so can just casually slip back into normal interactions I guess.

Although my brain is telling me he looked slightly awkward or something when he turned round and clocked me, but then maybe it was just because I was red as a beetroot rather than him knowing what I think about him!

In this situation I would feel more comfortable to ask as a friend whether I can buy him a coffee to say thank you for then help. Much easier to get to know anyone as a friend without any embarrassment. Good luck.

Just sounds like normal small talk to me.

Assuming the previous poster hadn't read my updates...

So I'm sort of wondering whether to carry on chatting and asking questions when I see him (as I'm still curious what his other job is), or just to leave it.

If I carry on being smiley and asking questions now and again, am I going to seem interested in him and will that make him feel awkward, or will me suddenly being really cold and ignoring him (which isn't how I've been acting previously) stand out and make him think he's done something wrong?

I don't know, I'm overthinking again and it's entirely possible he has no clue I have this little crush and very possible he doesn't care how I act anyway 😆

“It’s nice to see you… it always is”

He definitely likes you! Sounds sweet.

Life's too short. If you like him, tell him. What do you have to loose?
Or ask if he fancies a coffee/drink one evening.

Please read the updates everyone :(

I would just be normal be open to eye contact and a chat, or he will sense you don’t want to talk to him which makes it awkward. Don’t chase but don’t avoid.

Oh lord, sounds awkward, I'd have turned beetroot too.

I'd be polite if he is polite to you, simply respond to him. But dont chase x

Thanks, just feels like I have to make sure I don't ever look at him though because if he's walking past me and I look at him, doesn't that show interest?

I'm really not used to this, haha! I'm sure it's entirely normal to make eye contact and smile at someone you recognise... But it's not normal for me!

It must have been your ex. MUST have been. Otherwise, how could anyone on here possibly work out the exact combination of customer plus which of the thousands of stores or hundreds of thousands of employees had an admirer, and managed to hit on the precise 2?

Similarly, could he realistically start working in a different part of the store purely because of being told that he had an admirer?!

I'd be very wary of telling your ex anything personal at all. If he has said something, it sounds to me like he's intentionally put him off. Guys like a flirt, so to back off significantly seems odd to me.

I know it sounds mad but my ex is quite the loudmouth and I do feel like he'd have the potential to either paint me as his girlfriend in front of this guy to put him off, or say something faux-jokingly about me having a crush.

But, maybe not.

Although my first posts were quite outing - if he'd told a co worker about his other jobs about the days he works etc., it's not unreasonable that the co worker might have read this and thought "that sounds like such-and-such", mentioned it to him as a joke and then the guy worked out it was me. Because I'm sure he doesn't have the opportunity to tell customers about his other job that often, it just happened to that day as I'd casually asked whether he only worked weekends.

Honestly i dont think hes on mumsnet, girl

I'm sorry its got so awkward - so are you friends with your ex and have told him?, sorry I didnt get that part

Just carry on making small talk now, especially if its all a bit awkward. Or... you could take the bull by the horns and just ask him out?

What have you really got to lose, youre already feeling awkward xx