New neighbour is too much. What to do?

[WiseBearOrMare]

Moved in 48 hours ago.

Knock on the door within 10 minutes of arriving with the first load of boxes.

Neighbour said (something along the lines of) ‘Hi! I’m Sue from Number 9. So where have you travelled from? Where are you working at the moment? Where’s the kids, do you have any?’

All asked within seconds of each other. Seemed quite intrusive for a first meeting.

I realised straight away that she’s not my immediate neighbour that’s attached to me because of the door number. I live in a semi detached, just one other house. She actually lives across the road, a little to the right. New build housing estate so all quite close

Anyway, we were pressed for time because of DS/DD so we had to get moving. 2 hours later, she knocks again saying she’s got pizzas on the way. And to pop round for a break

I politely said thank you but I couldn’t possibly, I desperately needed to get things finished for today. She said ‘Okay raised eyebrow. Suit yourself!’ And off she went.

That evening a piece of paper with the estate’s WhatsApp group number came through. I added myself. She then must’ve got my number from that and messaged me

She said ‘Getting you a moving in gift. Anything you fancy? Preferably Amazon! I’m a Prime girl me haha’

I politely declined and said we had all we needed, but she was too kind and thank you so much. She just blue ticked that

Hours later I waved to her with a smile, and she gave me a glare and ignored me. I was packing my boot up and she made me bloody jump! She asked me if I had anyone in my phone contacts that does plumbing. I said I didn’t. The said Oh. And then said ‘We help each other on this estate. That’s just how it is’

I’ve just had a delivery man turn up at my door with a bunch of flowers. With my name on.

5 mins later, a delivery man from somewhere else asking if I’d take in a parcel for her number?! Seems strange. Why didn’t he try a direct neighbour first?

My actual neighbours have just smiled a hello and that’s been that. They’re the complete opposite and seem a bit shy, thankfully!

Small estate of about 20 houses max I think. But everyone I’ve made eye contact with has just given a smile, maybe a friendly wave and hi. That’s it

Is she just overly nice and innocently overstepping the mark? Or is this going to bring an ongoing nightmare?

I wish I’d read this thread five years ago when I moved into the estate I live in. I was too naive to what knowing your neighbours too well meant. I thought it was lovely to know all of them really well and spend time with them outside with all the kids playing together.

We have big communal gardens and we are in a ground floor flat. Now, unfortunately, my outdoor area and me and my kids seem to be the centre point of the estate I’m the resident cat sitter, dog walker, plant waterer when anyone goes away. I don’t mind so much as it would defintely be reciprocated (only I can never afford to go on holiday!) but it gets tiresome and because we know each other so well, it feels petty to say no. They never ask each other because they all seem to prefer me, which is annoying. I recognise this is a problem entirely of my own making.

My immediate neighbour is the worst. She comes and stands outside my front window shouting “GorgeousLady!! Are you coming out for a cup of tea?????” Then everyone descends into my outdoor area, literally in front of my front window - maybe five pairs of adults plus their children - and honestly, I’m quite sociable but it’s too much. My poor introverted husband hates it. I extract myself and go inside but they stay there talking for ages so I feel awkward like I can’t relax on the sofa so I feel like I have to pretend to be doing chores and that’s why I’ve come inside.

It’s so ridiculous and entirely of my own making because I find it hard to say no and have failed to set boundaries. I never ask favours and have never been massively popular but they all seem to circulate around me and my kids.

It's one thing putting yourself through it @GorgeousLadyofWrestling , but your DH and kids shouldn't have to put up with it.
.it's difficult, but never too late to set boundaries.

Do it gradually and be consistent.

So you could cut down the days you socialise with them, then not be available for the dog walking etc.

People prefer you because you let them treat you as they please.

I wonder how some folks can be so unaware of boundaries? In my case it wasn’t a neighbour but a fellow dog walker - I used to dread bumping into her because she would talk at me, not pausing for breath. I actually got quite panicky sometimes. She would have gone on for hours if I’d let her, I’m sure. In the end I had to stop any attempt at politeness & just walk away. It didn’t seem to bother her as exactly the same happened every time we met!

really? The OP doesn’t know her. It’s a complete stranger and red flags are going off everywhere. OP do NOT do this. Give it time, back away, smile and wave and in the meantime try and subtly suss her out. The other neighbours may eventually provide useful information

Agree. She's priming you to be her delivery person.

I think you’re going to have to let people know you’re joking! People are taking you seriously because some people actually think this way. 😀

Bizarre! No self awareness whatsoever there.

Oh God. Is it not obvious, given the behaviour of the OPs neighbour, that I'm joking...? Are there really this many people deaf to sarcasm?

I think i will. I forgot how many stale people there are out there who who wouldn't know humour or sarcasm if it whacked them around the head! I didn't think a laughing emoji was necessary after my comment as I thought it pretty obvious that I wasn't being serious 😂

Those 40 days and nights in the desert? He was just trying to get a break from ‘did I tell you about my sister’s hysterectomy?’ over the fence every day 😁

Says something when he’d rather speak to a donkey.

You have to bear in mind that this is a site where someone suggested, in all seriousness, that a poster with troublesome tenants should just give them the house.

And that sounds like a wonderful suggestion! The landlord could have nothing more to do with them and save themselves a lot of hassle!

They're using you. I would just say "no I'm fine thanks" and shut the window, it doesn't matter if they think that's rude, they are being rude to you and making your husband unhappy in his own home.

You don't owe these people anything.

Wtaf. Are you batshit? She literally met the woman days ago and now you think she needs to hand this overbearing nut job a spare set of keys so she can let herself in at all hours?!

you must be the bloody neighbour!

The lack of obvious humour in what you’ve said does not make it look like a joke in the slightest.

I have a really dry sense of humour but you cannot tell in the written text. Plus there are some others on this thread defending the nutjob. The fact that many have not understood your ‘joke’ means it’s not a very funny one. Try again next time.

I'd say many more did understand hence rhe numeorus laughing emojis. I think you're just pissed off because you made a fool of yourself 😂 How embarrassing.

Oh come on, it was obvious and funny! 🤣

Worst case is that they are all like her but they are introducing her to you first as she has it the least : )

Don't unpack just yet.

At the risk of carrying this on, it really didn't come across as a joke, sorry.
Sarcasm never comes across well in the written form, this is why I use emoticons afterwards on some posts as it conveys tone better.
I mean, some posters really would hold that view, so how are people supposed to know whether you're serious or not?!

I thought it came across as an obvious joke 🤷🏽‍♀️

I suppose it depends on how stale your sense of humour is. Plenty of people have reacted with laughing emojis so those who get sarcasm obviously understood it was a joke.

Or they were just laughing at the suggestion!

A few exclamations or dots would have done the trick but it didn't seem like a joke on reading it, for me anyway.

Oh I had one of those!

Arrived at the door as soon as moving va pulled off the drive- very lovely and welcoming.
Came back that night to introduce her husband and have a nose around.
“Popped in” the following day to invite me to join their local AmDram group (I declined politely).
To be fair, after a week I needed a tradesperson so asked her for recommendations and she took my number and very kindly helped me out.
But then she had my number 😬
Requests for play dates.
Requests for her dog to play with mine.
Offering to “pop in” to share a bottle of (my) wine.
“Oh, are you going past Sainsbury’s on your way home from work? Can you pick me up x/y/z?”
It took about three weeks before the request for a loan of some money was made.

There’s always one.

I just didn’t engage. Pretended not to see messages. Didn’t response 99% of the time. Only way to deal with these people.