Struggling to keep a secret..WWYD

[Luanaa]

Obviously I cannot say what the secret is (sorry). All I can say though, is that it involves a relative who is about to make some awful decisions which will most likely go horribly wrong for them, and could possibly cause a lot of hurt to those close to them.

It’s shocking behaviour to be honest but I believe it could (potentially) be prevented if the rest of the family knew and intervened.

However I have been sworn to secrecy and gave my word I wouldn’t say anything to anyone. We are talking about a semi vulnerable person so it’s quite a frightening position for me to be in and definitely easier (but maybe not wiser) to just try to forget about it.

Whilst they are not breaking the law, it’s not something most decent people would dream of doing. It could have a long lasting negative impact on this person and those close to them.

Is anyone able to offer some advice based on little information?! I feel like it’s a huge burden on me.

no I disagree with your take on this. it means people know where your lines are.

only fans?

I would tell them
If they found out later and knew that you knew I think this would be harmful for all.
I've dont it before!

If they're doing something very morally wrong, im not sure that's someone I'd want to hold close. I'd feel completely dreadful if the shit show unravelled and hurt innocent bystanders in one way or another.

Probably an affair she's on about, I think she's enjoying everyone having too guess, it's frustrating people trying too work out what she's on about she's enjoying it!

An elderly relation who has met someone much younger and now intends to marry them and leave them everything? In this scenario perhaps a call to the local safeguarding team

Mel Robbins said it best, "Let them"

It's not something you're doing, its not your responsibility to fix it.

At worst, people may be upset that ypu knew and didnt tell them. But it doesn't sound like its your story to tell.

You sound like you've drawn a line under it now. I think this is sensible.

Will this person's actions impact their children?
I think I would have to say to this person that you cannot bear this burden alone and must speak to somebody else.
Good luck.

Are they going to marry someone from abroad ?

If its suicide then you must be involved if it is something that is not life threatening then get on with your day.

I can only think of having a doner sperm to have another child. I read a book recently where that happened.
I think they have put you in an impossible position. If people found out you knew, what are the implications??

Are they going on only fans?

Whatever it is, if you keep the secret and it goes wrong, then you are going to feel bad. If it goes wrong and family find out you could have done something to prevent it, you will be blamed for choosing to do nothing.
If it's as bad as you think it is, morally, can you stand back and let it happen?
Did this person tell you the "secret" hoping, unconsciously, that you would stop them?
I'd bat it back to them and say you can't keep quiet, so they'd better come clean to their spouse or abandon the idea.

Are their parents alive still , you could accidentally tell them ?

Gastric sleeve surgery abroad ?

... so they don't tell you important things because they know that you'll tell other people ...

no. they know if they have chosen to do something that that I consider wrong then I won't protect them.

Or, more accurately, they don't tell you important things because they know that you'll tell other people. Just own it.

that's just silly.

@Etaerio

If you want to criticize others in order to justify your decision to keep secrets that harm others or expect others to keep your dirty secrets, that's on you. The rest of us don't suffer from a guilty conscience because we don't do that.

And don't try to twist our words to imply that we're incapable of keeping any secrets at all. Our friends & loved ones know that we will keep their 'clean' secrets and also which 'dirty' secrets NOT to tell us. Because we will not keep something secret and watch an innocent person suffer for it.

I criticise others for not taking promises seriously because decent people do. You can come on here begging for validation of your appalling behaviour if you want. You won't get it from me.

It's entirely accurate: you just don't like it.

ok two things. You seem to think that people should feel bad or upset because people won't confide in them. If its a life partner or a child you are responsible for then I get this but apart from this why would it bother me or anyone? In particular why would we need validation for our view?

The second thing is are you saying that you believe that people should be able to confide anything and the person who receives the confidence should never do anything about it? "I killed my mother" do nothing? "I am going to blow up a shopping centre" do nothing?

lastly yes I know I said two things.... You are taking this very personally. I wonder who let you down?

Oh dear, your attempt at dishonestly misrepresenting me hasn't worked at all.

"You seem to think that people should feel bad or upset because people won't confide in them." No I don't. I think that people who choose to break promises without a good reason are less worthy of respect than people who don't. And we know which group you fall into.

"The second thing is are you saying that you believe that people should be able to confide anything and the person who receives the confidence should never do anything about it? ". No I don't. You really must try to be more subtle in your dishonest misrepresentation if you want to get away with it.

I wonder why you're SO keen to make excuses for people breaking promises. Touched a nerve have we?

Difficult to advise when we don't know the situation and your update suggests you are going to keep it a secret. My concern would be the fallout if this came out in the open even though you kept the secret.

I like to believe the truth will eventually come out still waiting on that to happen in my family situation though but if that happens in your situation op will it cause you problems either financially or relationship / friendship wise for not telling people what was going on earlier