Year 1 child excluded - help please

[ncforschoolhelp]

Hi all

I have a previous thread about my year 1 child's behavioural issues almost exclusively at school. He has now been temporarily excluded and I am really hoping for advice from any parents of young children who have been through similar, any teachers who could give any advice and any governors who might be able to shed some light on any appropriate next steps for me or from the school.

The reason given today was his level of disruption wasn't feasible for him to stay in the building and he wasn't calming down with the usual interventions the school give.

Happy to answer any q's and apologies for lack of insight so far.

Op is backing up the school by being clear that those behaviours are not allowed and meeting with the staff involved, working together on the plan. Punishing him for something that he's currently unable to do would only just make him feel worse with no benefit imo.

We do have home consequences for violence at school such as loss of any screen time etc but I agree with a PP that these consequences don't resonate with him hours after the dysregulation, but it feels important that we don't have "treats" for the poorest behaviour. If he has had a "tricky" day, with disruption and shouting at school we don't do a consequence because in my opinion although his behavioural choices they aren't great, he is managing to calm down or regulate and I think that's a good thing at this stage. We are clear on no violence and that stands in the home, too, on the rare occasion he is violent with us (which is not often) there is an immediate consequence once he has calmed down which I think is important.

To a PP who asked what the adults at school are like with him, I can only comment what I've seen and heard which is that they are caring and considerate of his needs but firm when a classroom removal is needed. I get good vibes from them if that's at all helpful.

I have spent a lot of time this weekend reading and researching and a lot of elements of ADHD are now resonating here for DS.

That's great OP that you get those good vibes etc.

Let me reiterate (as I've written further up), it depends heavily on the CAUSE of the aggressive behaviour.

Children with very severe sensory issues, for example, react that way because they are having the equivalent of an unimaginably bad panic attack. They don't have control over whether they have that panic attack-like episode and expecting them not to lash out if someone (for example) restrains them during it is something they're not typically capable of at Year 1 age.

Your colleague, as a teacher, likely routinely expects little kids to fail to do simple things that benefit them, such as shut up and listen. However, they evidently also expect a small child with likely severe SEND to miraculously manage full-scale overwhelm - rather than taking constructive steps to meet support needs (which, in the case you're describing, might mean applying for an EHCP or helping the parents find a special school place).

Personally, if your colleague was blaming the parents and wondering if it was iPad use, they need some proper disability training.

This. My word, that teacher who was having a panic attack over the child's behaviour? Thank goodness she wasn't my son's teacher! My son was exactly like this last year - basically panicking, losing control, having meltdowns and lashing out. Thankfully his teacher was sensible, calm and empathetic, and worked with us to support him. Not a single incident on that scale for a very long time now, and hardly any incident at all in Year 1 actually, since support has been put in place. If his teacher was unable to cope with that, was having panic attacks over my son's panic attacks, and teachers were banding together to refuse to teach my son... I dread to think what the consequences would have been for him and what state he (and our family) would be in now. I thank my lucky stars for the wonderful teachers my son has had so far, and the amazing support from the school. Teachers and parents working together makes all the different (sounds like that is a good relationship for you, OP).

This thread resonates so much with me.

My son (reception)has been suspended for the 4th time since my last post.

He was throwing things in anger, which hurt 2 children and an adult.

I have been crying for days and sleep very badly at night because of all of this.

I just feel so helpless.

I have applied for EHCA myself over the weekend.

I will contact a private clinic tomorrow who do combined autism/ADHA testing.

They won't diagnose such a young child with ADHD (my son isn't even 5 yet), but I will ask them if they can at least assess him for ADHD.

This will set us back 2300 pounds, but we're willing to do anything at this point.

@strugglingparent1 I'm so so sorry to hear this, you have my sympathies and I really really hope things improve for you and you get some support really soon. We're in Hants so if you're anywhere nearby I can try and let you know how we get on getting some support ourselves. Big hugs.

A panic attack due to being physically attacked, repeatedly and with force, whilst trying to teach the rest of the class. Teachers aren’t robots, to be physically assaulted, repeatedly, is not ok and luckily additional support was put in place.

I won’t even bother answering what my colleague did or didn’t do, they are an amazing teacher but were on their knees with this one child.

Thinking a 5 or 6 year old can’t be that extreme for an experienced teacher is naive. Children, socially unhappy children, are strong.

The most important thing we did was ask school to keep a very detailed record of what happened just before each meltdown almost using the 5w’s. He can’t be ‘losing’ multiple times a day so it’s really important to understand the triggers but to also understand what ‘tells’ he gives when he’s running out of bandwidth.

Im a late diagnosed woman. Here are all the labels that were bestowed upon me before I got a ND diagnosis:

Drama queen
Primadonna
Selfish
Stubborn
Naughty
Bossy
Bitchy
Cagey
Aloof
Rude
Weird
Controlling
High maintenance
Too intense
Crazy ex girlfriend material
Hysterical
Delusional
Attention seeking
Manipulative
Quirky
Disorganised
Unreliable
Problem child
Needy
Clingy
Emotionally unavailable
Hard work
Immature
Entitled
Ungrateful
And snowflake.

These are all very common things people have called me all of my life because nobody wanted to label me as autistic or ADHD.

How teachers or tutors or friends or family would have treated me different if I could just have explained I am neurodivergent I'll never know but I can see the different in how they treat my son who was diagnosed at 3 and hes given a world of empathy that I was not.

It's up to you what you do with your child or whether you seek a diagnosis but don't assume he won't be labelled either way.

No one is questioning whether a 5-6 year old can be 'extreme'. Why no one is sympathising is that you're on a thread with several parents whose disabled children have been in that level of extreme distress. In a situation where you have a child in extreme distress and an adult who was panicking, your response is "my adult colleague was super-sad during their working hours. They were the person suffering most in the situation. Waah waah".

All of us are noticing - you have no interest in the child's wellbeing whatsoever...

Regardless of how your colleague was feeling, which I sympathise with, they had multiple options including leaving the distressing environment and seeking support for the child. The child didn't have any of those options - because they are a CHILD. And neither do the parents of that child, who don't get to go home at the end of the day and can't refuse to parent either.

Read the room, for goodness sake, and take the 'waaahhh' violin somewhere else.

I completely cosign everything you're saying.

My son's HT emphasised how distressed the teacher was that was "assaulted" by my child and that she was in tears in his office.

While I understand that and I dont condone what my son did, there was not an ounce of sympathy towards my 4.5 year old boy, who is totally let down by the school and gets really distressed.

Well actually I'm a teacher too, have been for almost 2 decades (including in inner city schools) and have seen a LOT so I wouldn't exactly called myself naive about children's behaviour 😅 thanks though!

I don't think anyone has tried to claim thay physical assault is okay. Is that what you've interpreted from posts on this thread? How odd.

I stand by what I say; I'm so glad the teacher my son had didn't react like the teacher you are referencing, and have staff band together in refusal to teach the child. I'm very grateful that my son has had the wonderful teachers that he has had, who have managed to support him so well.

That's really sad. I'm sorry to hear that. ☹️

This (x1000).

I'm so sorry. So many of us have been there. I've been there. So many of us have cried the same tears. I promise you - things can get better! My son is honestly unrecognisable from just one year ago...

Sounds like you're taking some really sensible steps.

OP, just realised you're in Hants. I am too, if that's of any help at all.

Probably loads of help, @Worriedmotheroftwo! I only use the chat app and not the full site so can't do messaging etc I don't think but we have found the PBS team based out of the Hive in Aldershot to be relatively helpful, although they have closed down DS's "case" in the past as the saw nothing to warrant their involvement.

Contact SOS!SEN for advice. You should def apply for an ehc but in the meantime check out the books The Out of Sync Child and The Explosive Child (there is also a version of this about school in particular)

Thank you; I've read the explosive child and found some of it resonated.

Obviously psychs don’t actually say what they think at work..

Yes. Lost at School. V good.