Advice from parents of teen girls please

[Sauvin]

DD14 has just started dressing in a certain way - short skirts, belly out, tight tops. A normal stage of development, I guess?

Give me the benefit of your experience - say something or say nothing?

Be happy she has the confidence to do it. I never did. If you say anything, compliment her. Tell her she looks good.

Take her shopping, have fun with her finding clothes. She’s not a teenager for long x

Who is buying the clothes?
Don't give her money to buy clothes if you don't like her choices.
(I mean she can borrow off friends but they'd get fed up with that after a while)

Urgh how twee!

Parents are actually allowed to set sensible limits on what their teens wear.

I assume most of the young girls walking round the streets barely decent must have mothers like you.
What is wrong with parenting your daughter and teaching her looking good doesn't have to involve showing off every inch of bare flesh possible?
What is wrong with trying to encourage taste and style?

I leave my teen to it as much as possible. My mother was so overbearing about clothes and looks and weight - and she is still like this now with me and my daughter. Me and DD roll our eyes and laugh about it, and have open conversations about how I try to not be like that, but sometimes I might have a point, or sometimes I might just turn into my mum for a minute.

Everything’s a phase, I just let her figure herself out really. It’s not ‘twee’.

Honestly this would not be the hill I would die on with a teen DD. What does it matter if she’s wearing a short skirt?

Mine is a hoodies and jeans type, it’s not a phase for every girl.

I think you have to keeping listening. If she’s doing it because it’s fun, she looking at fashion with her friends etc. then you can keep a two-way conversation going and gently steer her. Soft touch ‘rules’. If it’s for boys, it’s more complicated. Talking about relationships and respect and porn (god help us) and all that boring mum-stuff.

Oh and we had a ‘no belly showing’ rule through her childhood which I think she sticks too even though I’m past it.

No, my teens wouldn’t wear things like that - except perhaps for some parties.

My mum had rules like this, and I suppose I just still don’t understand, what’s wrong with having your belly out?

I don’t get it either @DrRichardWebberwhats so off-limits about a stomach? It’s not like wearing crotchless trousers is it.

Personal taste. And since I bought the clothes, I got to choose. As I say, past it now.

Tbh I always swayed mine when clothes shopping. When my oldest was just starting to have an interest in clothes I also had a no belly preference but with the way fashion is it’s hard to buy clothes that aren’t slightly cropped. So now I don’t mind a bit of belly but when one came home with a top that was like a bra that was a big no!! I think because I had an input when young they dress quite well tbh. Jeans and a vest top or T-shirt, shorts and a that.

Normal
I don’t let DD13 wear skirts that are too short to move/sit down in, she wears tiny shorts but they are more practical with moving and living.

Don’t say anything; set expectations about certain activities/environment such as certain events I’d say to DD about wearing something a reasonable length but other than that ride it out and they’ll come out the other side. If you say something it’ll either shame her or make her rebel

Does it suit her? If not teach her what clothes are best for her body type. My DD is woman size and hourglass so high waisted jeans, short tops suit her,low rise and belly out doesn't sound she would be ok with part of the outfit. This is in contrast to my own mother who would take one look at me and say ' you haven't got the legs for it love' 😂 ( I mean she wasn't wrong but ...)

Leave her to it, my 14 year old DD wears stuff I’m not keen on sometimes but it’s part of growing up and figuring out their style.
I have only said “no” when she’s in a skirt that’s so short it pretty much showing her pants, or wearing something that’s going to mean she’ll be freezing and complaining all day.

Best advice I think is to choose to show off one thing - chest, tummy or legs. If you show off all three at the same time it's tacky but showing off one thing looks fantastic. But I'd be pretty relaxed about it.

Twee? 😂 Aye, right then.

‘Barely decent’ Where did I suggest that as an option? I said go have fun shopping together.

It’s pretty disgusting to be shaming teenage girls as an adult.

A mother like me…. I stand very proudly behind my girls, supporting their choices, helping them when needed and making sure they feel good about themselves and their bodies.

Oh and mainly to tell them to ignore the judgey pants of others who think there is some sort of correlation between how they are as a person and skirt length.

The trouble is these type of outfits attract unwelcome attention from sleazy men. So yes, should be able to wear what she wants etc, but she also needs to know what to do when some bloke tries to chat her or shouts something gross at her.

Sorry, but I disagree here. I am honest with my daughter and tell her if something doesn’t look great on her. I always always compliment her when she looks nice (most of the time) but I’m not scared to say if she’s made a mistake.

She recently bought a top that was too tight and a bad colour on her. We went back to the shop and tried on a size bigger in a different colour, and she was happy that she looked so much better in it.

Fashion is about learning what suits your body shape and colouring; the sooner they do that the less chance of going out looking an absolute state.

Summer will be done and dusted in a few days. 😉

Seriously though I think it’s fine to talk to children about clothing choices. It’s fine to talk about why they dress like that and being appropriate as long as it doesn’t slip into victim blaming territory.

So stick to reminding her about dignity and self respect.

I try very hard not to comment on DD’s clothes, because from my experience when I was a teenage girl if my mum hated something it made me want to wear it more!

When DD was about 13 she asked for one of those dresses with loads of cut outs from a website and I tried to explain it looked like something an adult would wear to go to a nightclub, not a 13 year old and I did use the phrase “it’s a bit grown up”. But these days now that she’s 17 I limit myself to the occasional “won’t you be cold?” I’m glad she has the confidence to wear what she likes.

Also, belly out is just how they all dress these days… the 90s are back!

I’d say pick your battles as long as they weren’t wildly inappropriate. Mine went through it, came out the other side, ones a fashion student now about to finish a degree and dresses so nicely I often copy her style.
it’s peer pressure and about fitting in

Well as someone who uses public transport it actually turns my stomach to sit on seats that have just been vacated by teenager girls that have been sitting on them without even their bums properly covered.
If that makes me judgey then fair enough. I call it having standards.
Funny how teenage boys generally manage to look good in their clothes without walking round half naked.
You told OP her role was just to " complement" her dd. That's not advising guidance. That's advising OP to opt out of parenting.

You know what I LOVE about their generation though? They don’t dress to suit, or to look smaller, like we did in the 90s. They wear the things they like and not to shrink themselves; isn’t that massively fucking joyful??