Advice from parents of teen girls please

[Sauvin]

DD14 has just started dressing in a certain way - short skirts, belly out, tight tops. A normal stage of development, I guess?

Give me the benefit of your experience - say something or say nothing?

Ah the old mother-teenager ‘you’re not going out wearing that’ argument….a tale as old as time

Who’s saying anyone’s body is offensive? I’ve not seen a poster yet complaining about women’s bodies. BTW, this is a thread about young teenage girls’ fashion choices, not “women’s bodies”.

If you are 40, and you think the idea that some people might want to advise their 12, 13 or 14 year old girls on what to wear is somehow aimed at you, an adult woman in her forties, then I might suggest that it’s not other posters’ insecurities that are your problem.

I understand explaining how men can look at you. But I don’t think it should change how you dress. It just plays into the ‘well did you see what she was wearing/ how she was acting etc. she was asking for it’ every woman/girl should be able to wear whatever they want and it shouldn’t matter how the male gaze sees that.

I have 3 DDs (13yo twins and 17 yo). Dd1 struggled with her changing body in puberty. She was on the later side compared to friends and wore baggy hide-it-all clothes. Dtd are now going through puberty and the tiny skirts and crop tops are out in force. It’s very different but overall we pass no comment. I’ve asked for the school skirt to be lower than her blazer and if she gets a log that’s on her… teachers love her charismatic personality and she gets away with murder (she’s well behaved in class and keen to learn, just has a short skirt). She does tend to wear shorts under skirts.

Leave her to it. Pick your battles. Let her wear what she wants. Being trendy is more important at that age than looking demure.

Hardly. It's aimed at every woman when we're expected to cover up. It's especially important that a woman coming of age isn't taught that she's in danger or an offence to others just for having a body.

You do have to react a bit, they need to feel they’re rebelling 😂

Same. My dd chooses to wear shorts under her (very much rolled up) school skirt! I think girls know about keeping their privacy and if we’ve explained about things enough they can probably police themselves

I won’t be doing this! IMO this is not a good approach. I will tell my DD when I think she looks nice but equally, if she comes down in thick make up and hardly any clothes on, I’ll be telling her it’s not appropriate.

We’re meant to be teaching them about being a good adult, not being besties with them.

Pretty normal. We only commented if the outfit was inappropriate for the place, company or activity. Phase was short and she is now back in sporty spice mode. Doesn't even wear make up either really. (14, nearly 15)

This. I’d say she can show one bit but not all.

if it’s extremely outrageous I’d wear the same outfits and go out together 😂

I fear any boy trying anything against dtds would be eaten alive - by the twin he went for and then by her sister, so that is reassuring.

I was at Euston Station at the weekend and saw a girl wearing an extremely short mini skirt with heavily ripped black tights - more hole than fabric. She was about 7 years old. It made me very uncomfortable. Girls seem to enter teenage hood earlier and earlier,

I told mine that ‘all clothing is communication’, and about sexualisation, less is more, and ‘underwear’ meaning ‘under’.

She’s pretty-much got to grips with it just fine!

Its warm out side so as long as she is not indecent for where she is going then let it go.

Except young teens aren’t just imagining the clothes they want to wear out of nowhere, are they? They’re following brands and fashion styles that companies and influencers pay a lot to advertise to them. They’re buying clothes that other people have designed specifically to be sexy and appealing to men. The fashion at the moment is more relaxed than at some times in the past, but it isn’t created in a vacuum. Take hoodies and joggers - these are often advertised to young teen girls on social media in heavily sexualised ways even though they seem pretty innocuous as items of clothing in the abstract.

Anyone who doesn’t think so? Go and look at the poses of the models on the White Fox website. Why are they bending over showing their arses from behind like they’re twerking at a strip bar? Not because 13-year-old girls somehow came up with that look. Someone is marketing clothes to girls in a way that emphasises bums in a sexy, porny way (that look is undeniably porn-influenced, and simply didn’t exist when I was growing up: it’s only become popular in recent years post-Kardashians. Mind you, the creepy heroin/chic and dirty Terry Richardson American Apparel looks did, and they were also porny and nasty.)

But teenage girls aren’t driving that. The people who are selling clothes to them are. And of course 14-year-old girls have no idea what some fashion looks imply. As a pp said above, we do have a duty of care to young teens to provide a bit of a pushback against sexist and objectifying fashion cultures, and that is not itself sexist but anti-sexist!

You think wearing dodgy make up and a short skirt as teens makes girls grow into not good people as adults? <eyes some particularly grim false nails my DD got from TikTok shop>

Body shaming much

Agree with this. Her body, her choice.

So if you don’t want your toddler to wear playboy bunny nipple tassels then that’s “aimed at every woman”, is it? Some fashions actually are misogynist, objectify girls’ bodies and are heavily sexualising. Not wanting girls to look inappropriately sexualised is not the same thing as thinking women’s bodies are offensive.

I don’t have a teenager DD but I used to be a teenage girl and had these battles with my mother! I think she handled it well. The line was: feel free to experiment with your short skirts and stupidly high heels in environments where it’s safe (disco at all girls school, family party etc) but you’re not going out like that on a date with your teenage boyfriend or our shopping in town with friends. Basically, she cared more about safeguarding her daughter and teaching what was appropriate than being judged as a parent.

I'm not at that stage yet, but I genuinely dread it. I'd feel very uncomfortable if my dd dressed like that. I'm definitely not a cool mum. No advice, though, sorry OP. I guess you need to find your reasons and validate your concerns, and then find a gentle and non invasive way to communicate these concerns. There, easy, eh? 😅 Good luck 💐

That’s absolutely not what I said🤣 go and re-read! I’m not here to blindly compliment my teen on her bra top, Lycra hot pants (or whatever) so my she can be my best bud. I also won’t be going on a shopping trip for these things! I will tell her my opinion if she wants it and it won’t be a lie. I’m her parent.

That’s really interesting @Enthusiasticcarrotgrower as when I have taken issue with some outfits I have questioned whether it is because I don’t want people to judge me for what DD is wearing.

Pick your battles. So much better to keep the relationship good and positive so they come to you with the really serious stuff. It’s quite a short stage we found.