Advice from parents of teen girls please

[Sauvin]

DD14 has just started dressing in a certain way - short skirts, belly out, tight tops. A normal stage of development, I guess?

Give me the benefit of your experience - say something or say nothing?

Oh I see @StarDolphins, I did think it was a bit of a reach 😂. I don’t blindly compliment either and either say nothing unless asked or say why I don’t think something isn’t appropriate for the occasion.

Dds has lots of friends from other cultures - the Brazilian Russian and American mums had zero issues with this and clearly thought I was abit mad even raising it. Took my cue from them.

If you're happy with every old perv eyeing up your DD...

Not sure the attitude towards women’s bodies is massively healthy in any of those countries tbh.

How about we cover men up esp their eyes with dark hazy glasses then we can all do and wear what we want whatever size we are and how we look?

This! The amount of ‘but what if a perv looks at your daughter’ messages is wild. That’s on them! Not on your daughter who is just dressing her body especially in the summer!!

Surely that’s on the man. Looking at an underage girls body dressed for the summer?!

I let mine wear what she likes at home, in the safety net of home to look a bit silly. Belly out, gold jewellery, lip gloss. But leaving the house there is a standard that I expect which is respectful to herself and others. At the moment it’s a happy medium 🤷‍♀️

I’ve found American parents are often more modest. I suppose it’s a big country with many subcultures!

That's interesting but we were talking about cropped tops. It's intriguing that you equate them to be in the same category as nipple tassels but I don't think most people would consider them comparable items of clothing.

Yeah same as me! 🙂 My DD is still
young at 9 but wants to choose her own outfits now and quite often she’ll walk down looking like all the seasons mixed together with some very questionable clothes on and in my head, I’m willing her to ask my opinion so I can say “the sun hat doesn’t go with a 10 tog jumper’ but she doesn’t ask so out she goes, proud of her outfit🤣

DD just 14 and has started to discover fashion and what she likes and looks good in.

Little tops and baggy bottoms or vice versa seem to be the vibe around here.She looks great and feels great so the only comment I make is around that.

She dresses for herself and her mates and clothes/hair and her appearance is a part of her identity. Embrace it.

I draw the line at bum cheeks being visible.

That's interesting but we were talking about cropped tops. It's intriguing that you equate them to be in the same category as nipple tassels but I don't think most people would consider them comparable items of clothing.

@SadieAdlerBountyHunter No, the point is that the thread is about young teenage girls, eg 12-14 and their clothing choices, but you said verbatim It's aimed at every woman when we're expected to cover up.

Children aren’t women. A child is not a 40 year old. A mum not wanting a child of 12 or 13 to wear something adult, or sexualising, or exposing, is not the same as somehow oppressing you or saying you should cover up or that all women should.

Two teen DDs (14 & 15) here.
I don't say much, but if I do I pick my moment and words carefully, it has more impact than a blanket ban or arguing about every single thing. And one DD is underweight.

Legs or cleavage rather than both at once is one thing I spoke to them about, and shorts underneath mini dresses. Both seem fine with that.

The advice to get them to think if it is appropriate for where they are going is a good idea. That will carry them forward to the workplace and more formal occasions.

I'm always interested to see new fashion ideas and make up. My own DM was restrictive in what I wore, and insisted on no make up (bar concealer) until I was 16... it came from a good place, but it's not how I want to parent.

This is really not the hill you want to die on.

Will do nothing for her body image or your blood pressure.

There's no reason why a 14 year old's belly is offensive or should be sexualised any more than any woman of any age.

Bums neither, but do you think a 14 year old wearing gym wear, Brazilian-cut Lycra shorts, a thong bikini at the public pool or those ruched bum leggings out shopping in town isn’t wearing something sexualised?

The point is not that bodies are offensive - they aren’t - but that some fashions and clothes deliberately sexualise the wearer, and maybe mothers of young teenage girls might not want their children being sexualised by others.

This is awful!

Gym wear?

You've jumped the shark with that one. Of course women and girls are allowed to wear gym wear without it being seen as a sexual invitation. It's weird that you think they can't.

Leave her to it, encourage her to decide if she likes x and y look, and not rely on others’ opinions, including yours.

This is manipulative. Why would you not just have a normal conversation instead of teasing.

Adult life hits you hard so imo kids need all the self confidence they can muster. So personally I'd only say something if it were a health issue like I thought she was gonna catch cold coz it's freezing and she's only wearing a skimpy outfit.. or she's going hiking in heels.
Otherwise I'd leave her to it.

My gran always used to make comments about what I wore (devout catholic) and it's never really left me. The shame and negative self image. The thought i look ridiculous if I try and look pretty in any way.
It's very sad really.

My daughter has a phase of this. Now she's a grungy girl. I never said anything at the time because my mum wouldn't shut up about how certain clothes made me look. Like moat things, it passed.

sure - why would a young girl be uncomfortable with an older man perving over her and approaching her, that's on him right.

You’re completely missing the point. Where do you think all those Benny Hill style misogynist jokes about girls in gym skirts come from? You think all the dirty old men who lined up to lurk in the park opposite my school to see us all file out in our hockey kit were there to empower us or something? (Thank god schools generally don’t make girls wear the stuff we had to wear back then.)

Ideally we should all be able to walk around in whatever we like, but all the same, I don’t want MY young DD (who is just starting to get to an age where men gawp) being leered at by adult men in the street either.