Advice from parents of teen girls please

[Sauvin]

DD14 has just started dressing in a certain way - short skirts, belly out, tight tops. A normal stage of development, I guess?

Give me the benefit of your experience - say something or say nothing?

I don't know of this one - DD used to wear really oversized clothes and big coats in the height of summer which did worry me more, this was more early teens. She's more now in the huge jeans and small top phase at the moment. Unless she wore something genuinely indecent or inappropriate I tend not to comment. I know I have worn things that she has hated when we've been out together and she has never said a thing and I so I treat her with the same respect (although she is an older teen now).

This is also my DD, comes down sometimes looking like she fell into her wardrobe and put on the first things she found 🤣 At the minute I only comment if I think she’ll be too cold/hot etc or if I spot a rip or a mark in something. she favours cargo trousers, vest tops and jumpers though (she looks like a mini Appleton sister circa 1998!) so nothing is really inappropriate for her age (yet!) Grateful she didn’t hop onto the Nike Pro shorts craze that washed through her school last year though!

I'm in the don't micromanage camp - so rather than boobs, bum and legs, just one on show please. So short skirt with tights (and good knickers!), cropped top with jeans etc etc. So far that has worked (young adults here), but I did start allowing them choices from a very young age (toddler).

I understand only to well the impact of being told what to wear/not to wear and what allegedly suited me and what didn't. And won't tolerate it in my house (nor in my DMs house).

I think generally it's a phase (or at least from my experience), and depends on their peer group. We've gone through ultra short skirts, everything being oversized and baggy, everything has to be black, everything has to be one colour, chest out, tummy out, strappy tops, yoga wear (for everyday), sports wear, grunge, multi coloured hair, trousers/jeans of all shapes, shoes and boots from flats to skyscrapers and bracelets all the way up each arm so that they clank as they move about. Now as a young adult they know what suits them and have grown in confidence. They tend to dress 'appropriately' for occasions and need little input guidance now. I think that's largely because they've been through a wide range of different clothes and styles without being admonished for their choices.

There are rules though for things like funerals. But it's usually possible to compromise.

I view it a bit like toddlers who don't want to wear a coat when its cold - it's not a hill to die on - point out the obvious problems but let them carry on and they will learn pretty quickly (and yes I would take the coat and the wellies and the hat and the swimming cozzie, just in case they changed their minds!). Similarly if they didn't want to get dressed and go to school in their pajamas then so be it; no skin off my nose.

I get the thing about ruddy leering men. Its a plague. But it is not for women to police.

Haha, yes, the whole friendship group looking like they are auditioning for an All Saints reboot.

I think a lot of posters here have interpreted this question as “Should I let my teen daughter dress like this?” rather than “Is it normal for a teenage girl to go through this phase?”

The answer to the first question is “up to you” and the answer to the second question is “yes”.

These posts always will get lots of replies from smug Mumsnetters saying “No, not normal, MY teenage DD is a sporty wholesome fresh faced creature who lives in hoodies and thinks boys are gross and is much more interested in playing hockey and planning to study a STEM subject at a Russell Group university and agrees with me that clothes and makeup are all just silly shallow nonsense”.

But the reality is that while not every teenager goes through a phase of dressing in a more body-conscious way, it’s still very very normal. They’re growing up, becoming more aware of their body, their hormones are raging and they’re experimenting with wanting to look more adult and seeing what attention they might get and testing their own confidence.

You don’t have to allow it - there are good arguments for ignoring it and there are also good arguments for not ignoring it - but the phase, at least, is very normal.

Ha, yes it's very much the All Saints look - when I went to a 6th form evening recently I'd never seen so many of those baggy Urban Outfitters tracksuit bottoms in once place,

God yeah, the combats hanging on the hips and the little mini tee, what a look 😍

DD 20 and her Uni mates are all in very baggy jeans and Jane Norman tops they bought on Vinted

I don't see many teen girls round my way dressed like that but Finland tends to be a few years behind the fashion trends so perhaps it'll come here in time. My only teen DD is of the baggy trousers, big t-shirt and hoody camp, starting to lean towards a goth phase. She does wear one shorter skirt but it's not short short, and she will only wear skirts with shorts underneath.

It's a delicate line, trying to figure out how much to steer them and how much to hold back and I haven't had to deal with it yet. But children here are taught in school that clothing and hair are their choices so that moves the line further one way.

Survived 3 teen daughters so far.
My advice is to buy a full length mirror and put it next to the front door. They can check how they look before leaving the house.
I was very light on this but insisted on reasonably modest clothing for family events/formal events.
No string bikinis/tops. Shorts had to cover bum cheeks.

Yes I believe it’s normal. They get influenced a lot more by social media than we did ( I’m 47). My daughter likes to wear small shorts and t shirts one day, then leggings and hoodies the next. If she wears small skirts she always wears shorts underneath and comments to me that she doesn’t like it when her friends wear shorts so short you can see the bum cheeks!! I think while she is young and confident let here wear the skirts and shorts as when a lot of people get older you can’t wear things like that anymore ( not everyone some people have cracking figures when older just not me lol ).

No, I don’t doubt you’re telling the truth! Didn’t mean that at all!

I doubt your arguments are flawed.

It's tennis not hockey but thats pretty spot on but she's a very young teen and I'm more concerned with the covering up than baring everything right now. She's very self conscious and I'm hoping one day she emerges from the cocoon

Well, I guess it ultimately comes down to a matter of opinion. But I reflected and reached the conclusion that I was wrong.

I have a teen step daughter, it’s normal and she’s just following fashion trends.
Her mum has said no to short skirts and she now wears (when it’s hot) skorts. Hollister, Zara do some nice denim ones. She also wears the primark strappey sport bra tops. To be honest she always looks lovely, I wish I had her washboard stomach and teenage girls have always liked experimenting with clothes.

I think I spent my early teens in a cocoon too; I was very self-conscious at that age, partly I think due to having been an early developer and having a much more adult shape than most of my peers.

It was 1989 though so at the time it was fairly sociably acceptable to be wearing baggy jeans, a massive baggy t-shirt and staring at the floor through centre-parted curtain hair. Basically half my Y8 class looked like we were in the Happy Mondays. I think I was probably about 15-16 when I started flashing the flesh a bit more.

I think the self-conscious hiding under clothes is just as normal for teen girls as the crop top and micro shorts phase, though. It's all linked to the same thing, really, changing bodies and trying to work out who you are and deal with insecurities. God, I wouldn't want to be a teenager again - such an anxiety-inducing life stage!

Dressing with your arse and tits out 100% attracts attention from sleazy older men. Yes, that's not the teenagers problem and the ones who need to change are the men, but they aren't gonna? So do you want but educate her about whether that's the attention she wants. If she does like male attention, remind her that the sort of boy who likes girls based on her dressing in the most revealing way tends to be less of a good boyfriend than than the kind who likes a girl because she's kind/funny/intelligent.

When two of my daughters were 15 and 13, they were walking in front of me downhill in a city centre High Street. I was far enough behind them for it to not be obvious I was with them. A huge percentage of males from the ages of 14-90 were ogling them as they approached them and walked past. My daughters were blissfully unaware. I was repulsed. (They were dressed in leggings, t-shirts, hair done nicely, small amount of make-up)

We’ve concluded it’s a pick your battle and it’s not worth it. “Stopping them” is easier said than done. It sours your relationship and dents their confidence.

Teen girls get leered at whatever they wear 😓. Have you seen the videos of a girl wearing a burka getting street harassment? It’s a them problem not an us problem.