Advice from parents of teen girls please

[Sauvin]

DD14 has just started dressing in a certain way - short skirts, belly out, tight tops. A normal stage of development, I guess?

Give me the benefit of your experience - say something or say nothing?

Yes it is completely

I agree 😅

That sounds a lot like you think it would be your DD's fault if anyone did leer at her if she wore the 'wrong' thing.

That's an extremely problematic viewpoint and a very damaging one to push on a young girl.

Looking at how these days fashion crosses all ages, ( I wear converse, so does my teen daughter) the only way teens can look different is to wear those types of clothes.

when I was a teen we had tribes - punk, goth, trendy, townie, hippie, mod, rocker, rockabilly. No more tribes.
my mum wore tweed skirts at my age!!

just let them find their own way.
They may sadly all look the same but crucially, they don’t dress like their mum.

Three years ago I was you, eyeing my14 year old daughter's newly skimpy outfits with skepticism (the bared belly was especially off to me). It took me about a year to adapt and realize that all the girls really are dressing that way, and that it wasn't a big deal. Now I find myself mom-splaining my daughter's fashion choices to others.

Rubbish: where have I said that? She’s not responsible for men doing that, but that doesn’t mean they are going to stop doing it, does it? Until they all suddenly see the light about their behaviour and stop, I’d like to protect her from being leered at by sexist men, thanks very much.

Not all girls dress that way at all

My mother was dreadful in this respect when I was growing up. Made me feel shame over my body and clothes.
Even now I choose what I wear around her carefully. Honestly despite loving my mum I dread her just “popping in” because I don’t wear certain clothes near her or even have sparkly eyelids.
I can honestly say my mums behaviour ruined the joy in clothes I loved. Not for being short just a bit unusual. It’s very sad when a person feels great in something to have a parent shit all over it because it doesn’t fit what they want you to wear.

I am not sure how me occasionally saying "you're not coming out with me looking like that" is bad parenting
I have also said it to DS when he needed a shave or looked scruffy and even DH on occasion
I think my post has triggered some people who's parents did actually body shame them, I certainly didn't do that to DD.

What a silly overreaction

58% of girls between 14 and 21 have been sexually harassed even ofsted have said its become normalised in schools.

That’s a shocking statistic. Far more needs to be done to create a culture shift where the misogynist behaviour of males is clamped down and stigmatised to a degree that we don’t even need to have this conversation about what teenage girls wear.

So saying to 16 year old DS how about a shave as we are going somewhere nice or to DH that I would prefer if he change out of his dog walking shoes for a restaurant or telling my DD she looks lovely but in my day it was boobs OR legs when visiting Grandma is abuse now?
Absolutely ridiculous, how do some of you get through life?

This is horrific, but it reflects a problem with boys and men in our society that needs to be addresssed. It is categorically not the fault of teenage girls for wearing the "wrong" clothes.

If a man is going to leer at or sexualise a young girl he will do it whatever she is wearing. I remember being catcalled in my school uniform. Sarah Everard was wearing jeans and a coat when she was abducted. I know we all probably grew up in the 90s where the advice was all about covering up, don’t tempt the boys etc, but let’s not pass that culture of shame onto our daughters.

I do however talk to my DDs about sticking together with their friends, not walking home alone or sticking to main roads, and not being afraid to seem rude if someone approaches them.

I let my dds wear whatever they want , it’s their choice.

Or you don’t want to hear it.

you: I did X
us: oh that happened to me it was horrible
you: no I did a different x which was actually great

I really doubt that. I’ve heard plenty of the arguments teen girls make in support of wearing not much at all and they never stand up.

Well, I thought this was a simple question but I can actually see that it feeds into all kind of complex issues. I’m grateful for all the responses and, selfishly, glad for the wide variety of opinions because it means the answer isn’t obvious and I’m therefore not an idiot for not automatically knowing.

At no point did I say I did anything different to that.
I am really sorry if your Mum treated you badly but thats not my fault so maybe save your anger for someone who is actually an abusive parent and/or cares about your opinion.

Body image and self confidence can be very fragile and should be nurtured in my opinion. I know too many 13 - 15 yr old girls who have really struggled with their bodies and image.

I tell DD when I think she looks nice and if I can see knickers or actual bum cheek I might comment but otherwise I think clothes are a great way to express yourself. If you can't wear tiny tops etc when you're young and gorgeous when can you?

I'll never tell my girls to cover up to avoid unwanted male attention because it's not on them to take responsibility for mens' behaviour.

Ok @Hoppinggreeni was right, you don’t want to hear it 🤷‍♀️

You doubt that I'm telling the truth?

OK then.

I guess you haven't met my daughter.

Whatever gets you through the day.