What do you think of Soft Life / Soft girl lifestyle?

[sintin]

Seen this online a lot, my SIL essentially has this life, she's an artist and does make some money at this but my DB who is a high earner, her DH essentially bank rolls her lifestyle. No kids but she does do a lot in the home and is a great cook and baker but also does a lot of self care, yoga, meditation, reads loads of books etc, the stuff most of us don't have much time for. She is late 40's but looks amazing, can still afford to buy all high end products and have treatments as well as a low stress life. DB also puts loads of money into savings in her name only so she's financially set, they have been together for 30 years since their teens.

I am not married and I can't decide if I am envious of her lifestyle or if I think its just lazy, I have to admit it does have its appeal. I feel like life is much harder without the income of a partner and that would be with both of us working. Some women I work with do only part time and have higher earning partners so their lifestyle is still good on their income.

Anyone else intrigued by soft girl life?

Okay, this Soft Girl/Kept Woman/Trophy Wife/Prostitute is off for a nice walk with the dog before the "mind rot" sets in 😁

What a load of crap. I mean - many of us would like to work less and have more time to exercise, get more sleep, etc but still have enough to live on!!!

So basically, it’s about finding someone who is happy to bankroll your life - either wealthy parents or husband.

There is nothing new about some women not having to work for a living and giving it a new name is completely idiotic.

Claim top up benefits? That’s what they are for, to support those who are unable to work full time due to a disability.

I have an insanely mentally/intellectually challenging job. It probably accounts for maybe 20% of my brain usage, albeit it probably takes up 40% of my life currently. The things I do outside of work are really engaging and rewarding.

If you’ve never read a book that’s improved your mind, you’re reading the wrong books.

before I retired enjoyed trying to make the world better - I felt my job was worthwhile in itself and it’s own aims. Indeed post retirement I am still happy working to make things better - just unpaid and with more free time now

I also enjoyed the different challenges, I had to learn things I never would have by myself, getting outside of my comfort zone. My horizons were made broader

she is not opting out of capitalism - she is reliant on it as much as anyone else. To opt out of the capitalist world she would be working much harder on some small holding community or the like

if she is happy that’s fine but it sounds a sad existence to me. Doubtless she finds that it takes half an hour to vaccum a room and finds that fulfilling and critical to their happy home

Yes, we are all so different. What will keep my mind engaged could be useless for someone else.

I hate when people compare their lives to mine. Someone did that to me today and in my experience the next thing is that they start finding reasons to hate you. All because they assume your life is easier than theirs. I have no idea why they think my life has anything to do with theirs.

Generally child free couples live in small houses because they don't need extra space for kids. I pointed this out earlier and op explained her brother has a big house so fair enough not in this situation but generally speaking.

Half the worth of a small house isn't going to go far for someone with low income/not worked for a while so not a good CV for getting a new job. Because she is unlikely to get accepted for a mortgage or to rent unless with guarantor. Whereas the man with his high income can easily swan off and get a new mortgage.

Also I've been lead to believe that without kids divorced men giving their ex wives monthly money is very rare these days?

Anyway if someone's happy living like this good for them but it's worth mentioning the risks.

Nope. I find all kinds of things fascinating, based on what and how it's presented. Interest doesn't always require prior knowledge or understanding.

Resentment and jealousy.

Her husband has put savings in her name to set her up. Lucky cow.

Definitely not the same. I would imagine that whilst you work part time you also take on the majority of the childcare and household tasks? So the workload between yourself and your DH is the same. I’m projecting here as that was our set up and I would have been furious if someone thought I was taking the soft option.

Who's resentful and jealous? I just see people mentioning the potential risks of living this lifestyle. And I'm no hyper busy career woman I only work part time, but I acknowledge my life is a lot more secure than some of the women that fit the description in the op for two reasons.

One being because we have kids we bought a bigger house than many of my child free friends did so if that was sold and split it would be a much bigger chunk of money.

And two at least working part time you're keeping a foot in the door to up your hours if you ever need to and don't have a massive CV gap.

I have heard of soft girl aesthetic/lifestyle and yes, I'd love it, but sadly my dh is in the same field as me and even earns just under my salary so alas, no such luck. If I could, I'd work a day or two a week on some interesting project and do other fun stuff rest of the time. Now, it's always a mad scramble from the tube to get my kid home from school on time or standing at an empty fridge, feeling exhausted and wondering what we should cobble up for dinner that night. I'd love slower life/more travel/more book reading/nicer home meals/more mental space.

I have just realised - I now have this life. It’s called retirement!

Isn’t this much the same as SAHMs without the kids.
It was the norm not that ( in the grand scale of things ) long ago.

Or am I missing something

Well exactly that’s what I thought.

Anything that involves attaching a negative label to a woman, stereotyping her lifestyle and indicating she is taking advantage of a man always sounds to me something some basement incel has dreamt up so I dismiss it on principle. Your SiL is living a life that presumably suits her, your brother and their family. You can be jealous of her and think she's lazy if you like, but that's personal. It does warrant suggesting it's considered to be a trend.

I just don’t feel the need to judge other people life style choices. As long as legal then if it works for them as a couple what’s the issue ?

I can understand that. And why some people choose to opt out. Does not make their mind sharp though.

Absolutely. It is just early retirement.

I spent a lot of my 20s doing all the things I wanted to do before I knew I'd have financial responsibilities and be less able to take time for them- living abroad, lots of music festivals. Also taught myself about nutrition through reading books, did a silent meditation retreat. Did yoga several times a week.

Yoga and mindfulness I miss and would like to do more of, but my interests have changed, I prefer doing heavier strength training now.

I disagree that you don't have time for reading these days with the advent of audio books.

That would be quite shallow then. The interesting thing about work is that is it knowledge gained and honed over many years in an often technical, managerial or professional area rather than a dilettante interest or entertainment.

Yeah that's a high price. I know a few women like that. No thanks!!

No, you’re completely right. I do almost all of the “life admin” tasks, all of the washing, cleaning and food shopping. I do think both of us feel the division of labour is pretty fair and balanced.

I do have time for the odd yoga class though!