What do you think of Soft Life / Soft girl lifestyle?

[sintin]

Seen this online a lot, my SIL essentially has this life, she's an artist and does make some money at this but my DB who is a high earner, her DH essentially bank rolls her lifestyle. No kids but she does do a lot in the home and is a great cook and baker but also does a lot of self care, yoga, meditation, reads loads of books etc, the stuff most of us don't have much time for. She is late 40's but looks amazing, can still afford to buy all high end products and have treatments as well as a low stress life. DB also puts loads of money into savings in her name only so she's financially set, they have been together for 30 years since their teens.

I am not married and I can't decide if I am envious of her lifestyle or if I think its just lazy, I have to admit it does have its appeal. I feel like life is much harder without the income of a partner and that would be with both of us working. Some women I work with do only part time and have higher earning partners so their lifestyle is still good on their income.

Anyone else intrigued by soft girl life?

This sounds amazing. Really interesting mix of things. I have a good friend who has full professional career, is also a p-t lecturer in that field and a full trained first responders. She is super chill and a great person. I admire people who have lots of interests.

I’m a qualified Mediator so do (paid) mediation and conciliation for a local service on a very ad-hoc basis.

How do you become that?

What makes you think paid employment is the only way to experience the real world and face challenges 🤣

Some women have valid reasons for being what you so charmingly refer to as "a kept woman". It's not as if we haven't heard that phrase before on this thread either 🙄

Tiktok eh? Easily ignored then.😂

You're right “real world” is a misleading phrase, since everything we do, whether inside or outside of paid work, is part of real life. That said, being part of the workforce often requires constant adaptation. It involves interacting with a wide range of people from diverse backgrounds, communicating effectively, and maintaining professional behavior. The tasks you're given aren’t always the ones you’d choose yourself, and that challenge can create valuable opportunities for both personal and professional growth. All of this tends to keep people alert and open-minded, rather than set in their ways.

Although the term soft girl is a bit cringe, I think it’s a reaction/opposite to the idea of a ‘boss babe’ and hustle culture which has prevailed for so long.

This is me.

I had The Career. I’m academically smarter than my husband. I couldn’t give two shits about the corporate world. It brought me no actual life value. I’m not a bimbo. I just enjoy my life now.

My lifestyle is dependent on him, and his lifestyle is dependent upon me.

It’s quite relevant to my profession, and my legal qualifications. I did a Diploma in Mediation first through an accredited Mediation Institute to become qualified, that then involved doing a certain number of hours of “shadowed” mediation before I was able to mediate independently, and I do CPD annually and pay a membership/professional subscription to stay registered. Followed with similar in Conciliation where I was accepted for training based on my existing legal qualifications. I’m also a Chartered Fellow of CIPD so a lot of my experience and education supports these kind of activities.

I to do more mediation than conciliation. It’s very interesting work. I tend to do corporate/employment cases. I previously did a lot of adjudication work (employment tribunals etc). I don’t like family mediation so don’t do it.

I think my ideal would be quasi-retirement. Leave employment but do a few days here and there with mediation or consultancy when the mood strikes, in between producing loaves of sourdough.

All the people getting so cross about the OP’s sister in law - if she was Tracey Emin or Cornelia Parker would you feel differently? She is selling art so is obviously talented, if she pursued it aggressively would that please people more?

I’m more familiar with writers I have to confess but a lot of very successful writers tend to spend time going on long walks etc to mull things over. Is that soft writer life?

Thank you for explaining. This sounds really interesting. Can anyone with a professional background train in this or is this tied to legal work / being. soclitior or similar? I am also planning to volunteer at Citizens advice bureau when I cut down on my work days. But I'd love to know if learning about mediation is also an option.

In a previous role, I was invited to sit in on a couple of grievance meetings at work. I've always thought mediation would be an amazing skill.

She presumably takes care of his ‘other’ needs, hopefully no pet does that!

Never heard of the term but then I'm not on Tiktok. People might describe my life like this on the surface, DH is a high earner and people assume I'm a sahm (dcs are school age). I spend school hours on creative interests, fitness and wellbeing and studying for personal interest. Financially I have a side gig and I've accumulated enough assets for me to essentially retire, so it's more secure than being employed really. I'm happy with how I spend my time and don't plan to work again.
I don't share financial information in real life so most people think we live on DH's salary.

So she is housewife? Why not just say this and not use some silly online term.

Every woman lived like this once, after children were raised. Considering most women used to start having children earlier, it was normal from about 40 to live like this. Man worked and came home to nothing but relaxation, women worked at keeping house and food prep and also relaxed in the evenings or at weekends. It wouldn't be for me but I don't think its wrong or lazy.

I don’t think you even need a professional background. When I did my course, there was a very diverse group, and I don’t think they all had degrees/long-time careers. I mentioned my educational background just to explain how my interest was piqued as they’re quite aligned.

I’m not in the UK so can’t point you towards the correct body, but if you google your country + “mediation qualification”, you’ll likely find several training providers. It’s a while now since I did my training so can’t remember the cost or the exact details but my course was part time and took about 8 months, IIRC, including assessment.

It’s actually a really useful life skill. I use it in my personal life all the time 😀

This is a really good point!!

My mum always maintained that it was women going into the workforce on mass since the 1980s that caused property prices (and now rental costs) to start to increase massively, as banks could lend much more as it became based on dual incomes.

Until the late 1980s only properties in London ever really increased (slowly) in value. Everywhere else was pretty much stagnant and therefore affordable.

You’re going to get a shock when you learn what a guide dog is 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I can’t believe women are pining for the days when your husband basically owned you and you couldn’t leave him. How wonderful if you had a lovely rich husband who worshipped the ground you walked on. Less so if he was an unemployed, abusive alcoholic.

Paid work isn’t always fun and I’m sure making sourdough and weeding and tradwifing all the time is super awesome but it’s only fun because it’s a choice. I’m sure the women of 1750 weren’t loving having to make bread everyday, growing their own food or starving and only having access to the income their husband chose to share with them.

It’s obviously different if you’ve made enough of your own money to afford a life of leisure at a younger age than retirement. I despair of marrying a rich man so you don’t have to work to afford your lifestyle being seen as aspirational for women in 2025.

It’s not a good point, it’s complete fiction. Women have always worked - for pay - to some degree. It might have been agricultural or textile work before the Industrial Revolution but it was likely to be longer days and more gruelling manual work. After that some worked in factories. It was the Industrial Revolution itself that reduced women’s employment opportunities because machines replaced them, in the 1700s 65% of married women were employed (data from Cambridge school of population studies) so to say it’s always been the way that they gave up work after marriage and children simply isn’t true.

@Dunnocantthinkofone it's likely one of the many mra/incels who like to hang around here to denigrate women. They hate to hear about women who have nice lives and rich loving husbands... it really upsets them bless.

Reducing a woman to a provider of sexual acts to explain why a man would choose to spend money on her is pretty disgusting.

I worked full-time for most of my marriage and raised for children whilst he worked away. And was still painted in the divorce of somebody who sat on their arse and ordered things from the White company catalogue all day
I worry for these women if they’re ever presented in front of a judge in divorce proceedings. The floor will be wiped with them

But reducing her to ‘pet’ status is fine? Also, pointing out that partners, unlike pets, take care of ‘other’ needs in no way implies that someone is paid/financially supported for taking care of those needs.

Two things can be wrong at the same time.

How is pointing out that partners take care of such needs, whereas pets don’t, wrong? And where did I even imply the woman in question is being financially supported because of ‘sexual acts’?

Don’t be disingenuous. It’s clear what you meant when you said “takes care of his other needs”.