What do you think of Soft Life / Soft girl lifestyle?

[sintin]

Seen this online a lot, my SIL essentially has this life, she's an artist and does make some money at this but my DB who is a high earner, her DH essentially bank rolls her lifestyle. No kids but she does do a lot in the home and is a great cook and baker but also does a lot of self care, yoga, meditation, reads loads of books etc, the stuff most of us don't have much time for. She is late 40's but looks amazing, can still afford to buy all high end products and have treatments as well as a low stress life. DB also puts loads of money into savings in her name only so she's financially set, they have been together for 30 years since their teens.

I am not married and I can't decide if I am envious of her lifestyle or if I think its just lazy, I have to admit it does have its appeal. I feel like life is much harder without the income of a partner and that would be with both of us working. Some women I work with do only part time and have higher earning partners so their lifestyle is still good on their income.

Anyone else intrigued by soft girl life?

Can we talk more generally and not just about SIL, I regret mentioning her to be honest.

You had a thread about her last week.

I must say I thought the same! I’ve known a lot of women who do this - it’s like they can’t bear to say that they’re a SAHM.

I have a Pilates instructor like this, she has a fabulous car, lives in a very nice area and goes on fabulous holidays. And teaches four Pilates classes a week …

I’m very lucky as I get to stay home with our kids and don’t have to work (I do a bit of tutoring, but that’s more my passion that I get paid for). But to be honest me and DP are just lucky. Neither of us are particularly talented at anything, just some good financial decisions that were honestly based on luck and some educated guesses. We worked bloody hard when we met, I have a degree from a good university that I’ve never really used. I think we deserved some good luck because we both had shitty childhoods.

I don’t like the idea of my DD being a stay at home mum and relying on a man, so when she gets older I’m going to make sure she knows I have my own money and don’t live off her dad. Also all my kids are going to work as soon as they can and pay “rent”.

I don’t think the “soft life” is a good idea because I’ve seen it go wrong so many times. He leaves you, you’re done. He cheats? Turn a blind eye or you’re done. Don’t get me wrong, I love not working, but I am in a financial position where I could leave my husband if I wanted to. I think that’s really important. I would have to take a life style cut and tutor full time, but I used to be broke so I could handle that.

Do you genuinely believe that the only way to stave off mind rot is by working? Some of the most boring people are those who do nothing but work. Their lives consist of nothing but work, home, children and exhaustion.

I’m going to be really honest here, and I know the grass is always green and I should be lucky with what I have…..but I am sat here utterly exhausted, dreading ft work tomorrow after being off for work related stress for three months, in an untidy house, with two dds and a husband who ‘help’ very little snd I wish to god I could be a kept wife who can potter around. I’m fat, ugly and do t have a minute to breathe. So yes I’d be really jealous at this too

Where did she mention playing golf, watching shows or going for lunch? I don't work but I do none of those, nor will I ever. I don't have a tv, just a house full of books and art materials.
A life of leisure can be full of challenges, yes, if you want it to be, some of us aspire to more than sitting in front of the tv and going out to lunch with the girls.

In any case, as far as "retirees" go, when my father retired from the Civil Service, he still listened to heavy metal and rode a big motorbike. You have a very weird idea of old age and retirement...

I'd not heard of the Soft Girl Lifestyle before so looked it up.

Sounds both boring and dangerous.

Boring because what on earth do you do other than waft about all day, doing nothing useful for anyone and not using your brain, which would kill me.

Dangerous because it sounds more like the intro to being in the trad wife lifestyle which I personally consider yet another step back on womens rights.

I am sure retirees can have weird and wonderful interests and hobbies. It is interesting but keeping the mind sharp, no. Ticking over and having a nice time, yes.

Would be outing as v specific but is the kind of thing where some people make huge amounts, much more than me, and some make next to nothing and the latter is more common - so I can understand why they underestimate it - also what I make sells massively more in non UK markets.

If you call it La Dolce Vita it sounds better! It is a soft life and I don’t blame you for being a bit envious. We’re not wealthy but comfortable and I’m now semi retired at 62-just work a couple of days a week. Kids are grown and independent. I do a bit of gardening, hiking, reading and seeing my friends and family. My dh still works on a job he is looking forward to retiring from but he has even said to me if I want to stop, I can. I would say I have a soft life when I compare it to being a single parent and doing a healthcare degree when kids were at primary and running a house plus dog with not much money. I have a far easier life now and am grateful. But I’d feel bad if all I did were hobbies while my dh worked hard-especially when younger.

Well you don't know what work they do so how could you find it interesting? Things are 'boring' if you did not understand it.

Most likely for tax reasons and most likely because they treat all income and finances as joint even if held in sole names like many couples do with or without children.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soft_girl

It's not new, nor is it about sponging off your partner.

Definitely doesn’t sound like that to me.
Sounds like she is living a wonderful life doing what she loves with minimal stress.

How is slogging away in a career to make money for someone else and spending your days stressed not the definition of what your teacher said?

So, nothing keeps your mind sharp, aside from a career? Where does that leave people whose career is in the arts, but is not high pressure...? Do you consider them as having "mind rot" and being intellectually inferior to you also?

I think the soft girl trend is tradwife/conservative adjacent and I don’t like that but I absolutely do think there’s way more to life than work. Capitalism is a bad way to live. My partner and I have what you might call “soft lives” - both self employed creatives who work part time and we travel 8-12 weeks of the year. I earn double (or triple, depending on the client) what he does because my work does have corporate applications whereas he’s a musician. I take lots of naps and sometimes bugger off for a few months to work with animals in developing countries. We do live in a one bed flat and would rather stay here and have more disposable income to work less and travel more than upsize. I bought the flat alone before I met him so I’m not concerned about needing his financial contribution to live.

She’s got savings.

I find the view that work is all that can "keep the mind sharp" such depressing bollocks.

All of which would be some peoples idea of hell.

I hope this doesn't sound rude, but what would you do if you were single?

You seem to think everyone working is working in an intellectually stimulating role.

really? Is this what you think?

millions of people slogging away in tedious, deadened jobs would beg to differ.

Sounds like lots of 'very important' middle management types on here, miserable with their lives, in constant fear of of their husband jumping ship, utterly raging that someone has a nicer life than them. Race to the bottom. Grim.

I don't need my job to keep me busy, just to pay the bills. If I didn't need the cash, I would have more than enough to stay busy and there are hundreds of things I would love to have time to do. I probably would have even less "free time" because I would cram too much in.

If they are both happy, it sounds blissful, good for them.

Rely on benefits or my parents. Autism is a disability and mine means I can't work full-time, unfortunately. I've tried.