What do you think of Soft Life / Soft girl lifestyle?

[sintin]

Seen this online a lot, my SIL essentially has this life, she's an artist and does make some money at this but my DB who is a high earner, her DH essentially bank rolls her lifestyle. No kids but she does do a lot in the home and is a great cook and baker but also does a lot of self care, yoga, meditation, reads loads of books etc, the stuff most of us don't have much time for. She is late 40's but looks amazing, can still afford to buy all high end products and have treatments as well as a low stress life. DB also puts loads of money into savings in her name only so she's financially set, they have been together for 30 years since their teens.

I am not married and I can't decide if I am envious of her lifestyle or if I think its just lazy, I have to admit it does have its appeal. I feel like life is much harder without the income of a partner and that would be with both of us working. Some women I work with do only part time and have higher earning partners so their lifestyle is still good on their income.

Anyone else intrigued by soft girl life?

It is, but people on MN are very judgemental. We're not really meant to hear the judgements of lots of strangers who don't really understand our situation.

I'm a bit like @faerietales except that I'm an older autistic woman who's almost completely burnt out after years of raising autistic DC, moving house almost yearly, caring for elderly mother and various traumas.

From the outside, it would seem to many that I have this 'soft girl' life (especially as I look young and well groomed) but it's more that I have to pace myself and I can go from quite well and energetic to exhausted and ill within a couple of hours. I almost feel like I have to make myself ill so that people believe me although they only see me when I'm well. I'd absolutely love to be independent but I've always had to rely on either other people or benefits.

I've never heard about it until this thread.

It sounds like a pile of old bollocks.

Sounds like a lovely life and if both parties are happy then good on them!

It’s only appealing if you trust men to take good care of you and not fuck you about and sadly lots of women have reason not to. This isn’t coming from a place of bitterness either, my husband is a genuinely kind and decent man.

I think you mix with the wrong people!

@EmmaWoodhouseOfHighbury I'm sorry you're in the same position!

I know exactly what you mean about making yourself unwell - I'm currently in therapy to try and address that and to help me learn how to pace myself. It's so hard though and I often feel like I'm totally missing out on normal life.

Sounds great and exactly the lifestyle I would lead given half a chance.

Yes there is a chance she could get screwed over but there is also a chance she might not and if it happens well things will work out.

I work part time minimum wage for the time being and yes I would be screwed over if my marriage went tits up but it works for the time being and if I stated worrying about the future I would never leave the house. If anything she could be in a better position than me if he's loaded and she could try fight to get him to give her a decent chunk for a house deposit whilst she found a basic job.

Sometimes, I think too many of us have fallen for the Women Can Have it All myth: a career, a home and children.

I don't think we can-something has to give. No matter how much we say it shouldn't be-working women end up picking up the majority of house care and child care.

We read on this very board of women working, rushing to the shops, dealing with the washing and all that stuff: no time to read a book a week; drive out for the day; study the habits of cats or whatever else might float their boat.

Of course there will be exceptions-some men will do half of it but, for the majority, I don't think it's the case.

I also don't think it''s the case that most of these women have high flying fulfilling careers-most are office workers-they might have different titles but they/we are what my mum used to call clerks. Nothing wrong with that but a job dealing with insurance claims, or dealing with council tax, for example is not going to feed your soul.

So here we are, rushing about like blue arsed flies with not great jobs and trying to run the home on top of everything else-often with the added cherry of not very happy marriages-where every thing is watched to make sure equal work is done.

So, OP, your husband has found a man who loves her, who wants her to be happy and provides for her and I imagine she makes him happy too. Men like that do exist but of course, we have the Jealous Janes who focus on what will happen if he leaves, ignoring the fact that she is married to him and will be entitled to half of what he has.

She is loved and her husband wants her to be happy. Good for her.

I'm with you @MrsMappFlint - generally you can only "have it all" when you pay other people (normally women) to pick up some of the slack!

Why do Gen Z think they invented everything? Being a housewife had a term already.

it’s like a while ago I saw an advert for ‘reusable make up wipes’. They were cloths that you used with your make up remover or soap and then put in the wash. As was pointed out, the flannel already existed.

I have an artistic friend who only now in her late 50s is working after her DF funded her life for decades (and her DDs) after her xH left and moved abroad after their split and is now on his 4th DW.

Friends DF has recently died and left everything to his 2ndW (who was bitter that all his hard earned pension went on paying friends mortgage and supporting his adult DCs). So friend is finally having to grow up and work. Not sure she's eligible for a state pension when she gets to 68yo unless her DF was also paying her ni. She's lovely but always been a bit naive and hopeless with money.

I am absolutely with you on this 😊

This. I am living this life except I already had 2 young children when I met my wealthy second husband. My children are now adults with their own children. I spend a lot of time with my grandsons. We retired at 55.

So it just means having a rich husband and not doing a stressful corporate full time job?

I think if I had a good education then I'd want to do some kind of work. Even being an artist is fine, or just volunteering to help the less fortunate? But if I was able then I wouldn't want to do nothing whatsoever.

My cousin's wife is like this, but she's not an artist and has literally never worked a day in all her life. In some ways I think she feels like she's missed out on a lot of experiences that other women have had. And feels a bit 'out of the loop'.

But obviously she seems happy. Extremely naive in many ways though. For example she doesn't know what universal credit is. And thinks it's fairly normal to own a horse, or more than one horse!

Soft girl life isn't necessarily about living off a man, from what I've seen of it on tiktok, it's about prioritising wellbeing rather than money and status which is good for everyone really.
So having a relatively easy job, rather than a job that is outwardly impressive but stresses you out. I've definitely valued work life balance more as I've got older and have made decisions accordingly.
I'd never put myself in a position where I was so pampered that I'd have to stay in a bad relationship "for the lifestyle" as I would be unable to cope outside of it. Obviously that's not the OP's SIL situation.

I agree with everyone who's said they've never heard this term. Sounds like she's what used to be called a home-maker or housewife, with a part-time 'hobby job' on the side. Nothing wrong with that, if you can afford it and both people in the relationship are happy.

That was my lifestyle until a few years ago, when I took on a slightly more traditional part-time job to support DH's business. It's still very cushy, in terms of flexibility and workload. I realise I'm lucky to have such an easy lifestyle, and I also know that something could happen to change it, but no-one is fully immune to life's uncertainties.

People spout this out but don’t understand that it doesn’t apply to those who have dispersed passive income. Once you build up enough wealth neither of you rely on one of the other for anything

Sounds ideal to me too. I'm not inspired by hustle and grind and find pleasure in leisure.

There's a lot to be grateful for in being able to skip to a job you enjoy 😊.

What a horribly bitchy thread. Referring to a woman as a pet, on what grounds? Purely the fact that she has no kids. If she was a SAHM that would never be said.

If she is a trained artist, she may actually have a reasonably good income. Not all artists are selling their work for a fiver on Etsy.

I'm childless, but we have chosen for me to not work outside the home. And no, it is not a boring and unfulfilling life for me, nor am I lazy. I paint, knit, read, bake and cook, I go out for walks with our dogs. My partner is not a high earner but we lead a simple life, we don't take expensive holidays or go for meals out, don't drink and only have one car.

This is our mutual choice. There are many reasons behind it.

I am judged, always.

Yeah it used to be ladies who lunch.

My MIL is one. She also has a cleaner, gardener and someone to do the ironing. Unsurprisingly she also looks a lot youngerthan she is.

However my FIL is a turd of a misogynist of the highest order and treats her like a second class citizen. That's not a price I would pay.

What a reductionist and capitalist view of art. Not that I would take art advice from ‘an investor on Jordan Peterson’s podcast’ 🤣

If they’re both happy, good for them.

Not sure about the wanky ‘soft girl’ when she’s neither a girl, and presumably isn’t stupid as the name implies.

May I ask what creative job this is that earns as much as a high earning traditional career? Seems unusual.

I have several friends who have never worked. All are mothers admittedly, but with kids now at uni or older. They pootle about having lunches, doing yoga and golf lessons. All as happy as clams.

If they are married all money is joint if he gets fed up of her at any point

it’s not a lifestyle I would envy but if it works for them

I can’t help thinking it’s more prostitution than soft living but that’s my work ethic for you

also I can’t get my head around the self care and baking as sone kind of ?justification? Because I have always managed that despite working - it’s not unique to kept women