What do you think of Soft Life / Soft girl lifestyle?

[sintin]

Seen this online a lot, my SIL essentially has this life, she's an artist and does make some money at this but my DB who is a high earner, her DH essentially bank rolls her lifestyle. No kids but she does do a lot in the home and is a great cook and baker but also does a lot of self care, yoga, meditation, reads loads of books etc, the stuff most of us don't have much time for. She is late 40's but looks amazing, can still afford to buy all high end products and have treatments as well as a low stress life. DB also puts loads of money into savings in her name only so she's financially set, they have been together for 30 years since their teens.

I am not married and I can't decide if I am envious of her lifestyle or if I think its just lazy, I have to admit it does have its appeal. I feel like life is much harder without the income of a partner and that would be with both of us working. Some women I work with do only part time and have higher earning partners so their lifestyle is still good on their income.

Anyone else intrigued by soft girl life?

Some people just have a lot of luck in life. She sounds like one of those people. 🤷‍♀️

Well, precisely. I often look at people in very senior, well-paying jobs whose sole purpose is moving money around or going to meetings and doing busy work that doesn’t actually create or do anything of real value to society and feel sorry for them. What a boring, meaningless existence.

Same.

I wouldn’t dream of making myself financially dependent on a man. It’s unthinkable.

I do love yoga and self-care though, I just fund it myself.

Jealousy on this thread is wild. That's exactly what it is.

Did she grow up in quite a wealthy family

Im Not being horrible or bitchy, difference is a sahm with kids assumedly the husband has brought a bigger house to fit said kids in. So in event of divorce the split worth of the house will be a lot more, he is also a lot less likely to make the mother of his children suffer.

A housewife in a childless couple is a different kettle of fish, in general the couple are probably living in a much smaller house. So when they split up she gets half the worth of a small house? Which isnt going far at all for her who has given up her job and has no good income to be approved for a mortgage or renting without a guarantor. Where's the high earning man can easily swan off and get a mortgage or rent. It can literally end in living in a tent. Just something to be aware of for young ladies

🙌 🥰 seriously, life is for living. I refuse to be bound by what I 'should' be doing any more

So she's a housewife with a hobby job that actually makes her money - why the need to rebrand that as something "soft" (which just sounds downright weird)?

it's about prioritising wellbeing rather than money and status which is good for everyone really.

Well yes. But you can only prioritise wellbeing over money if you have enough money.

Also if she sells her art regularly you may be surprised by how much she earns.

BIL's girlfriend is an artist and out earns him considerably despite him earning very well. It's always quite amusing when people assume otherwise and end up shocked when they realise that the nice house with studio was actually hers long before she met him.

If you’re earning enough money from your art to fund you spending most of your time on Pilates and baking then that’s a different kettle of fish than having a nice arty hobby whilst your dh pays for it all for you.

Op seemed to be envious of sil having her dh paying for a luxury lifestyle which obviously some people have but I don’t feel it should be looked up to as a lifestyle choice for modern women anymore than applauding someone for inheriting a lot of money or having a famous parent.

No one complains when men live off inheritance, rental income, investments etc..

I actually know quite a few people with similar lifestyles. Quite fun so long as there is love and respect in the relationship and the high earner doesn't hit a snag. Why not make hay while the sun shines?

Literally not one of my childless friends has bought a one room house/apartment. They all have at least 2, with the majority having 3.

We are childless (for now) and we have a 5 bed house.

It has a name? Weird.
I guess I look like I have that lifestyle. I’m gently job hunting but in no rush. All kids at school, older two are teens. Dh high earner so pays for everything although no high end skin care etc as all money going into Reno and animals. We have chickens and dogs and goats and sheep. Just a few. We have some land too. I clean. I sand and paint (Reno project house) I tend to the garden and animals. Just starting a veg garden. I do yoga and lift weights. I also do weekly therapy because I have cptsd from horrific cse.

Life is slow and healing and lovely. It’s also very difficult living with my past and estrangement from family and having to move hundreds of miles to stay safe.
Do you know for certain your sister in law doesn’t have trauma or a chronic illness perhaps?

Prostitution and kept women? Interesting viewpoint...

I have been referred to as a kept woman before but this is my first time being called a prostitute.

This, I always think it's a risk wanting or get used to a lifestyle you can't provide for yourself.

I have not heard the term, but I know a few people who are able to waft around and dabble in this and that. Their dilettante lifestyle is possible either because of family wealth (the Trustafarians mentioned upthread) or because of their husband’s highly-paid job.

For the women I know in this position due to marital income, I was actually friends with their husbands first. In only one instance do I feel there is a risk, and in that case, I wouldn’t trust that friend to not break their commitment regardless of their circumstances. In the other couple of cases, it works well. Their husbands are devoted to them. I know you can’t see what’s happening within other people’s relationships, but these men have been good friends of mine for over 30 years. For one of these men, `I feel his wife is an incredibly good for him, as he is a workaholic and he needs to slow down to her pace when he is at home.

Nice work if you can get it. But you need to know the money coming in is covering you should the earner decide to rearrange their situation.

Well if so you must move in some wealthy circles because the average person isn't wasting money on a house that has more room than they need in this economy.

I've known countless woman stuck with assholes because what are they supposed to do with half the worth of a one bedroom home/apartment and a low income that won't get them approved for a mortgage or rent without a guarantor.

If this lifestyle works for you great but worth pointing out the risks if someone young dumb and in love is reading

It's as ridiculously judgemental as it's incorrect.
I sometimes wonder if people actually understand prostitution when they make these ridiculous statements.

Why is it a waste? Working on your own health and happiness and pursuing things you are passionate about seems far less a waste than working to make some company rich. I feel far more fulfilled at home than I ever did in the work place managing the place.

If push comes to shove it doesn't matter at all if the money is solely in her name, it isn't "hers" upon divorce. I'd imagine it's more about maximising their assets.

How absolutely terrifyingly precarious. Attaching your financial and emotional wellbeing to a scenario that could disappear in an instant.

I think the ‘having it all’ lifestyle that women now in their 40’s were bought up with is a load of bullsh*t- I enjoy working, having my own money but being self employed and being default parent/running the house is just too much- ended up burnt out. I then started a small creative business from home which hasn’t worked out financially viable unfortunately but we are in a position that DH’s salary has buffered us which I am thankful for so yes I have been living the soft girl life…. which has been lovely to be mentally there for my kids woes, plan nice meals rather than throw a plate of pasta and grated cheese on the table as an after thought, doing washing at midnight and constantly chasing my tail.

I do want to go back to work now I’m feeling better and got my ducks in a row again, and miss the challenge/sense of purpose and earning, but I am trying to be choosy over reduced/hybrid hours and lower stress jobs so that I can maintain some ‘soft girl’ balance as I don’t want ‘it all’ anymore- work success and my career ambitions do not define who I am anymore like they once did. I am grateful everyday that I get to have that choice though as I know not everyone does. No disrespect to women following their career at all, it’s just so hard to do everything and be everything to everyone without a very good support system in place.