What do you think of Soft Life / Soft girl lifestyle?

[sintin]

Seen this online a lot, my SIL essentially has this life, she's an artist and does make some money at this but my DB who is a high earner, her DH essentially bank rolls her lifestyle. No kids but she does do a lot in the home and is a great cook and baker but also does a lot of self care, yoga, meditation, reads loads of books etc, the stuff most of us don't have much time for. She is late 40's but looks amazing, can still afford to buy all high end products and have treatments as well as a low stress life. DB also puts loads of money into savings in her name only so she's financially set, they have been together for 30 years since their teens.

I am not married and I can't decide if I am envious of her lifestyle or if I think its just lazy, I have to admit it does have its appeal. I feel like life is much harder without the income of a partner and that would be with both of us working. Some women I work with do only part time and have higher earning partners so their lifestyle is still good on their income.

Anyone else intrigued by soft girl life?

@godmum56 I think a lot of people do care what others think of them.

Yeah but for it to work you need a high earning dh. If sil was a penniless artist but on benefits would you be envious of her life? No, so it’s not her intrinsic skill and talent you envy, it’s her high earning dh. And that feels like something from Jane Austen, not what women should be aspiring to in 2025.

OP says she is well set-up financially - I'm not sure why you're so keen to prove otherwise?

but that's their feelings, you don't have to notice them or care.

trust me they would be happier if they didn't

@godmum56 I agree but its a fairly human impulse to care I think.

Well fair enough in your last comment you asked me to speak more generally and not focus on your sister in law. I just thought I'd add to the thread the place to live aspect can't be downplayed things can go to shit so easily in event of a separation. Ive known a few women buy houses with their men and because they don't have children they buy a small one room home in the event of a separation half of that isn't going far for the party who has no good income to get approved for a mortgage or renting without a guarantor.

It can quite literally end in living in a tent

I don't think so.....not about lifestyle choices which affect nobody and harm nobody

@Frateletheboss I agree this lifestyle is out of reach to most women even if they wanted that. It is very situation, couple dependent, probably reserved for couples who have been together forever. I doubt I'll find a man who wanted to do this for me at my age.

I went to a very feminist girls' school. The Head once said to us, 'don't let your life be a civilized waste of time.' I would say that is pretty much what is going on here.

@godmum56 You might be less insecure than other people, I think their is a lot of judgement and that many people would care.

It’s quite a disparaging term- did you make it up?

To be fair to your SIL, it doesn’t sound like she’s being lazy and deliberately sponging off your high-earning brother. She works independently and her income contributes to the household- I don’t think it’s fair to criticise the fact that her work is less well paid if the household can support this and both partners are happy with the set-up. My job is part-time, typically working around 40 hours per week, and I earn significantly less than my husband, but that’s the way it is. His job has always required significant travel so I have always been fully responsible for all child care arrangements.

It sounds like your SIL also does all of the cooking and cleaning. If she can fit that around her own work and then fit in hobbies/ activities which keep her fit, then good luck to her. Many women don’t have that level of freedom, options or time , but many people do less and still have lots of money.

@MoggetsCollar So would you think it came down to how "worthy" her art was or do you think all art is a bit of a waste of time?

I also think many people have big important job titles which are in actuality non-jobs. Not everyone can be a doctor, a nurse or a teacher so their are a lot of wastes of time I suppose.

I actually think people can have value even if they do nothing.

It sounds quite nice, and an easy lifestyle to have if you don't have kids. I think I would look 20 years younger if I didn't have any and was free to follow every whim, but it would not be an attractive alternative lifestyle to me if I had the choice between the 'soft lifestyle' and having my kids. But each to their own I guess!

@Inertia No I didn't make it up, its a gen z term.

Yes, I'm curious about this too? Or is income the determination of waste of time?

If it works for the person living the lifestyle, then good for them. Personally, I like having a career, so it wouldn't be for me. I have had it drilled into me since I was small that a woman should never be completely dependent on a man. My Mum had seen too many women of her generation (when it was normal for a woman to stop work after marrying) screwed over by their husbands when they left them 20 years down the line. She herself was happily married for 60 years, but she always taught part-time, sometimes only a few hours a week, so that she could get back into it if she needed to.

Anyway, your SiL does have a career. She is an artist. She is also making her own money by the sound of it. So she isn't an example of what you are talking about, surely?

Surely spending your time doing things you love is the complete opposite of a waste of time?

Well, I'm 54 and this is my lifestyle too, though we do have adult DDs. My typical week is filled with lie-ins, lots of reading, meeting my girlfriends for coffee/lunch, bit of shopping, pottering around the house & garden (though we employ a cleaner & gardener), regular beauty treatments, visiting our DDs.

It's absolutely bloody fabulous and it's a lifestyle I've always aspired to.

Never heard of it. I have the potential to earn highly but my husband earns very highly so I just work whatever I want. I work in a skilled profession but I like a stress-free life of working freelance and picking and choosing my projects and clients. The rest of the time I spend pottering about with my 3 year old or doing whatever I want when he’s in nursery: spa, hiking, swimming, napping, going for lunch, solo trips to the cinema, catching up with friends, generally floating about.

My husband and I have a partnership that allows this and if he ever wanted to ease up on his work load I could up mine. If you can live a leisurely and relatively stress-free life, why wouldn’t you? I had to work hard to get the qualifications and credentials to be where I am now so it wasn’t just a case of marrying money by doing fuck all. I love my life.

I'd have trouble forcing a routine on myself. I'd become a fat alcoholic, if that isn't an oxymoron.

I think this lifestyle sounds amazing. I paint in my spare time but I don't have any spare time so that's really quite theoretical.

In real life I'm in a senior corporate role in finance and I don't hate it, it's satisfying but yeah I'd swap it for art, yoga and baking!

I think loads of people assume I'm one of these people because I work part time in a creative job and my DH works full time in a traditionally high earning sort of job and we both have a nice lifestyle.
Actually, not that it's anyone's business, I earn the same as he does from my 'little creative job.'
I know for a fact that his family assume I earn less than him - especially his SIL who this seems to bother in some strange way, as if she has some sort of right to her brother's money?!
I do sometimes find it annoying that they wrongly think I'm some sort of freeloader just because I'm a woman in a creative job... but honestly it doesn't seem worth bothering to correct them.
Your artist SIL might be making more than you think - and frankly OP, it's their business.

For those not familiar with the term, it can include a man financing it or not. It can also include parents.

Per Google...

The "soft girl era" is a term referring to a lifestyle and aesthetic that emphasizes gentleness, self-care, and a more relaxed approach to life, often rejecting the "girlboss" mentality of constant hustle. It involves prioritizing slow living, self-love, and nurturing oneself and one's relationships.

Never heard of it but The "soft girl era" is a term referring to a lifestyle and aesthetic that emphasizes gentleness, self-care, and a more relaxed approach to life, often rejecting the "girlboss" mentality of constant hustle. It involves prioritizing slow living, self-love, and nurturing oneself and one's relationships. sounds ideal tbh!
I'm in that era now, both middle earners so not doing it in luxury! Part time, still contributing. Don't have money for lots of new clothes say which is fine but still covers my gym, tennis club and pilates which takes up a few hours of each day. I've had a tough few years and I've learned what's important to me. It's been lovely and I'll do it for another few years before going back ft. I've been able to prioritise sleep, fitness, strength, diet, coffees with friends etc. Can't see how that's a waste. Meanwhile I skip into work when I'm in as I'm lucky enough to love my job and doing it pt means I give my days in my all.