Really offended a friend. Would this upset you?

[Eastie77Returns]

Arranging where to go to dinner on a group chat with 3 friends and came up with a shortlist of restaurants. One friend (‘Sally’) said she could not afford any of those venues. The other 2 friends suggested some cheaper options but she said it was still too pricey as she has to factor in travel and babysitting costs for the evening. So we asked her to suggest somewhere and she came up with a pub that is honestly not somewhere I’d choose to eat (or drink for that matter) but by this time the group had been going back and forth for days so I said if everyone was in agreement we should go. We had a nice evening. The food was not very good and the pub attracts a rough crowd so not a great atmosphere but we sat in the garden and all enjoyed catching up.

My other two friends then messaged me separately and suggested that the three of go to one of the restaurants Sally had vetoed.

Can I ask if you were Sally, would you be upset or offended at this? She found out and is really hurt.

I can now see why mumsnet is full people saying their children are being bullied at school when their child isn’t invited to a party or play date whatever!

Saying you can’t afford something is, very often, and especially in the type of group the OP describes where meals out are a semi regular occurrence, a way of saying that you personally don’t want to allocate this amount of money on this expense, because you don’t consider it worth it!
People often choose to say they can’t afford it when they actually mean they don’t want to prioritise it over other things. They use this turn of phrase as to not openly say that their opinion on the worth of the activity is different to the others. This is perfectly reasonable.

Those who think the group should contribute are missing this completely. It would make everything super embarrassing for the friend.

As a group of friends who regularly meet up for meals/food etc, when someone says they can’t afford something, just say that’s fine, and be open about the fact that you are still going to go.

If you know that one friend prefers cheaper places then factor that in and don’t make the more expensive outings a large part of your meet ups, but don’t pretend or not go at all.

I think Sally should have gone with the majority the first time but said " would you mind if I paid for just my own meal rather than split as I am on a tight budget" - one of my friends does that. It's just a waste of money to go to the place that you described.