How do you honestly feel about a baby having two mums?

[Corneliusthecamel]

Hi,

Recently, a close friendship has come to an end and it’s been difficult to process. Long story short - I am a woman married to another woman and I gave birth to a baby last year who was conceived via sperm donor/fertility treatment through the NHS. We are all really happy and she is beautiful.

A good, long term friend of mine has become increasingly distant over the past couple of years. I confronted her about this recently and she admitted that she struggles with my life choices and doesn’t feel it’s right that I have chosen to bring a baby up with another woman. She feels very strongly that a baby should have a traditional mum and dad unit where possible and feels that I am wrong for choosing this path.

Anyway, the friendship is over, and I think that’s the right thing for both of us - it’s not really possible to carry on when we both have such different views and experiences of the world.

But it has made me want to ask - what are your honest opinions of two women choosing to pursue fertility treatment and having a baby? Obviously it’s my life and I’m happy so in one way, who cares. But I truly didn’t think my friend held those types of views and often, people won’t speak their true thoughts in real life, so I am curious what people truly think about it

So happy for you and your wife OP!

I don't understand why people are saying they wouldn't be happy with a two dad family though? Seems like a double standard.

Totally agree with this

A child with two parents of any sex, growing up loved and cherished is the ultimate win.

I wouldn’t bat an eye at two mums or two dads, it makes no difference to me.

Not sure what the rules were previously but there are legal protections for both parents nowadays. We didn’t get married until after baby was born actually but we were both allowed to be put on the birth certificate - me as birth mother and partner as parent. So that’s good I think because if ever did split, my wife has equal parental responsibility. Which is fair I think for someone who has brought the baby up in equal measure

I’m totally indifferent as long as baby has two parents who love them and model good behaviours

No issues at all.

Two mums
Two dads
One mum
One dad

etc

As long as a child is loved and cared for, it doesn't matter.

Well, I'm biased by being a lesbian. Regardless, I have no problem with it and none of my family or close friends have ever expressed an issue when we've seen or met same-sex parents.

I don't have an issue with two mums or two dads, as I know a few two-dad families who couldn't be more loving and supportive of their children. Also, I was raised by a single parent so I don't put much stock in the idea that kids need parents of both sexes; I think it's good for children to have diverse role models, absolutely, but I don't think those role models have to be their parents.

Perfectly put. Thank you.

A very good friend of mine has a beautiful 2 year old with her wife and they just had their second a few weeks ago. Would never occur to me to question it. The children have 2 very loving involved parents. Don't think sex matters.

I agree with others concern regarding surrogacy for male couples.

In my social circles:

Single mums
Single mums by choice (sperm donors)
Single mums by choice (egg and sperm donors)
Single lesbian adopters
Married gay male adopters
Straight married couple who used sperm donor
IVF babies galore

Honestly in my experience babies that were hard to come by and are doted on are not the families to worry about in society.

Lots of very happy children who know families are all different.

(And the gay male parents I know and the lesbian parents I know, one of the couple has tended to take on the more traditionally "female" role as in going pt, dealing with more appointments, being more "default parent", while the other has been promoted and works longer hours for more money. I find this interesting I guess)

The more people a child has to love it the better. I don’t think anything about couples of any sex, single parents, adoptive parents, foster parents or whatever combo. Families come in all shapes and sizes.

Don't care one way or the other, tbh.

I also have no feelings either way when it comes to a child having two mums, but am very against two dads.

That is because I am against surrogacy and have read studies that suggest it may be as damaging to children as adoption is. Adoption is through necessity, and often everyone is aware if the harms and try to help the child. With surrogacy the child is just expected to behave as usual despite having the same attachment issues.

I have no problem with two mums or two dads. In my relatively small village we have a lesbian couple who have between them five kids (three prior to getting together). They are a lovely family, do lots together and the kids get on great together and they are so polite. Many friends I have look onwards with some envy TBH.

No issue at all. Also have no issue with 2 dads, although I'm not keen on surrogacy.

Wouldn't think anything about a single Mum either. A single dad might make me wonder how/ why the mum left (unless he's a widower) but that's because it's unusual.
Ultimately if the child has loving, not abusive or neglectful parents/ parent then lucky them

@Corneliusthecamel no issues here. I admit the idea of surrogacy makes me nervous, pregnancy and birth is never risk free and have read horrible stories of people refusing the baby etc.
exploitation of poorer women. But there are plenty of ways the poor are exploited around the world.

For me it’s about how the child arrives - I have no problem with adoption by two men but to deliberately grow and take a child away from its mother is abhorrent

(I’m also against heterosexual couples doing surrogacy)

Oh I didn’t know this.
Do the father’s details have to be added?

I do think it’s a basic human right to know whose genes you’re carrying around.

“Honestly in my experience babies that were hard to come by and are doted on are not the families to worry about in society.”

not the experience of babies born in Ukraine baby factories and left to languish.

Like many posters, I have no issue with 2 mums families but I do not support surrogacy for men.

I know a 2 dad family who are doing a wonderful job with their teenager who they adopted as a toddler.

And literally NOT what I was talking about...

My lesbian and single mother friends make self-evidently wonderful, attuned parents. I’m not close to any two-dad families, but know a single male adopter who is an inspirational father to two now-adult sons.

Surrogacy is a crime against basic human ethics for me, regardless of the sex of the parents who are renting a poorer woman’s womb.

I don't think there is anything wrong at all but I so feel it's important for children to have a male figure in their lives too