I know I was wrong to judge but how would you react ?

[thickandcreamy]

My best friend (45) was recently away for a long weekend in another country with one of her uni friends . She met a guy she fancied and told friend to head back to hotel alone as she wanted to stay out with this guy she had met .

a few hours later best friend returned to hotel with the guy and had sex with him while her friend was in the other single bed beside them .

when she told me this , I spoke without thinking and I do admit I was judgemental, i probably should of said nothing . But I told her that I thought what she did was grim, and it was out of order bringing a stranger back to a room without consulting her friend and even worse she had sex with him with her friend asleep in the next bed . I said if I was said friend I would be questioning how much she values their friendship for her to dump her for a one night stand whilst on a girls trip in a foreign country.

she is now annoyed at me for what I said .

am I clutching my pearls too tightly or am I right in thinking it was grim ?

It was grim. And it could have impacted you. There could have been a risk from him.

She also could have been sharing a room with a friend who had suffered SA in the past and been completely traumatized.

Very surprised at the posters who think you were being judgy and shaming your friend. What she did should be judged and shamed - she invaded her friend's privacy, compromised her safety and exposed her to a sexual act without her consent. Having a one night stand with a random - not a problem, no judging or shaming needed. Doing it in the presence of someone else without their agreement - absolutely should be called out.

So not only did she bale on the friend and left her to walk back to the hotel alone, she then had sex with a complete stranger in the same room?! That is beyond grim! And dangerous!
If I was the friend, I’d be bloody furious that she brought some random axe murderer back to the room that I was sleeping in! She’d be an ex friend that’s for sure!

Op I don't think you were wrong to judge.

If it comes up again you can say you had a very strong reaction because you were putting yourself in the place of the friend and you would have been extremely upset to be treated that way and that you feel it's in her best interests to know how other people would feel about being treated like that. Tell her that you feel your friendship is close enough that you would want her to tell you if you behaved like a twat.

I has this once and pretended to be asleep. I'm sure they thought I was asleep. It's not on and you're right to judge.

Agree with the majority of posters. How BF treated her friend was appalling. OP was quite right in her reaction. Hopefully it will make friend pause and not do something so reckless and unsupportive in future.

She was the one who was out of order. What a disgusting way to behave. Was she getting a kick out of knowing you were an audience?

Yeah... When I was a student, I went to visit my oldest school friend at her university. She lived in a shared house and was FWB with a housemate (she would have liked it to be more than FWB, but there you go). I had her single bed and she was on a mattress on the floor and one morning, FWB came into the room, got in bed with her and they had the longest shag imaginable. I heard the whole feckin' lot and pretended to be asleep.

@VickyEadieofThigh they could at least have gone to his bedroom!! I'm sure there's some exhibitionism to it.

OP was probably really surprised so didn't have a filter.

I personally think it was shit to expect the friend to go back to the hotel on her own. This is when bad things can happen. To then bring the unknown man back to the room and shag him - yeah cheap tart in my book

Is this really out of character for her @thickandcreamy?

I think your friend deserved the judgement. What she did was out of order. Ditching a friend abroad to walk back to the hotel alone and bringing a strange man back to their shared room. The sex, although grim, is irrelevant. Putting her friend at risk was not on. Not only that, but when I sleep I take all my expensive rings off and place them on my bedside table. Some random guy could easy steal them and any cash/passports etc in the room. I would not be happy with that at all. Your friend needed calling out. If she did this to one friend, she'd do it to you. And her friend was definitely not asleep.

@PurpleHiker that's a bit like Thelma and Louise.

They had separate rooms but the Brad Pitt character stole all their cash.

What she did was vile. I'd have had the same reaction as you.

This happened in the first episode of Gavin and Stacey... Both couples went back to the same hotel room for sex, the girls inviting them as if it was totally normal to be shagging in twin beds next to each other, I was like WTF. Could your friend not have got another room, or gone back to his?

I would be really telling her about bringing a strange male to a room with another female who hasnt consented. It can be dangerous. And if she wants to take that risk, fine. But its not fair to put her friend in that situation. What if he turned violent?
Oh, and sometimes we absolutely must judge. That is how humanity has survived. By making judgements, giving advice, warning others. If your friend is a true friend and sensible, she will go back and reflect on what you said and the situation and grow from it.

I was the friend in the other bed once it was absolutely vile.
However I can understand my friend was in the middle of a MH episode she wasn't in her right mind and was drunk.
Is a lot going off in your friends life?