I know I was wrong to judge but how would you react ?

[thickandcreamy]

My best friend (45) was recently away for a long weekend in another country with one of her uni friends . She met a guy she fancied and told friend to head back to hotel alone as she wanted to stay out with this guy she had met .

a few hours later best friend returned to hotel with the guy and had sex with him while her friend was in the other single bed beside them .

when she told me this , I spoke without thinking and I do admit I was judgemental, i probably should of said nothing . But I told her that I thought what she did was grim, and it was out of order bringing a stranger back to a room without consulting her friend and even worse she had sex with him with her friend asleep in the next bed . I said if I was said friend I would be questioning how much she values their friendship for her to dump her for a one night stand whilst on a girls trip in a foreign country.

she is now annoyed at me for what I said .

am I clutching my pearls too tightly or am I right in thinking it was grim ?

Absolute nonsense.
@thickandcreamy was perfectly entitled to make her feelings known.
It actually sounds like her friend did not think what she did was grim. And rather than needing understanding, she is possibly lacking in understanding as to why her behaviour is problematic.

She took a risk involving her friend's safety and betrayed her friend's privacy - she acted in a selfish and untrustworthy way. It was grim, and really disrespectful to her friend.

You calling her out for it is a good thing, IMO.

I agree with you, she is absolutely disgusting and has no morals, her poor friend must have been mortified.

Gross, imagine waking up needing the loo and realising there's a strange man in the bed next to you having sex with your friend.

Leaving her friend on a night out in a foreign city is bad enough, then bringing a strange man back into the room tips it over into unforgivable.

Seriously??? Understanding?? - I've heard it all now. And how, pray tell, do you know she feels more shit (unless you are her?)

It was disgusting behaviour, there are no excuses and no "understanding" required.

Strange for a 45 year old. Do you know why they couldn't go back to his?

If I were the friend I would have said something at the time. Wasn't there a beach they could go to or something??

This brings back still vivid memories from a skiing holiday very many years ago when I was the one trying to ignore the squelching noises from the other bed. I can still hear her asking him "isn't this the worst thing you've ever done?"
To answer your question OP - now I would most definitely judge, back then I just tried to block it out

That's totally disgusting. Why couldn't she just hire a hotel room or go back to his place. I don't think I could be friends with someone like this.

Or have a shag down a dark alley amongst the skips

I could never have sex in front of someone, I'm not a performing seal!

Don't understand why they couldn't be like any other drunk couple and find a sheltered place outside

The judging bit was fine, it was when you bumbled on about her friend not respecting her, that you were out of order

If I were the other friend I’d have gone mad and ended the friendship, booked a flight home. That’s so weird to do! Vile behaviour. She could have put them both in danger. Defo not you being in the wrong. Weird behaviour. Go away on a girls weekend - wtf!

Happened to me many years ago on holiday with a friend. I actually never saw her again I was so grossed out by it!

That’s awful, I feel sorry for her friend, massively inappropriate to do that to a friend, and could have put them both in danger.

That's terrible.
They've conducted themselves like animals.

Forget the fact it’s grim or whatever, there’s a safety aspect to this.

If your friend wants to have a one night stand then that’s her lookout but she let a strange man into the room where her friend was asleep and therefore oblivious; one punch is all it would’ve taken to knock your friend out and then her friend would have been defenceless to this man.

I don’t know many women who would feel safe with a strange man being let into their room while they slept to be honest.

If your friend wants to take risks with her own safety then that’s her choice but how dare she put her friend at risk; we all know the statistics.

Grim, and I bet her friend wasn’t really asleep but was too shocked to say something.

it will be interesting to see if the friend does a slow fade.

So nasty!!!

Ie friend was too embarrassed or shocked to show any sign of being awake.

I bet that friend wasn't really asleep....

Honestly, for a woman of 45 this is crass and undignified. She's behaving like a student on heat. How nasty.

I would have hated that at 18, let alone in my forties.

The fact that this friend wasn't fazed by her alley-cat actions would be ebough to end a friendship. She's 45, not 18 -I mean, I'm sure many of us have had a hormone surge and had that regrettable one night stand, but we grow out of that when we realise the danger to lifexand health.
And as for doing it in a room you are sharing with someone - complete cf'ery, and slutty to the nth degree. How unpleasant and potentially dangerous.
Do you really still think she is a 'fantastic person & friend'? Because you did the right thing by telling her.
Eeewww

What a ridiculous comment. OP was not wrong to express her opinion; the friends' slutty behaviour was out of order, and if you are friend, you are honest.
Understanding for behaving like a 17 year old and potentially putting both lives in danger.
Less 'understanding' required, more honesty. But that's the issue isn't it? People are so wet that the slightest bit of constructive criticism is viewed as a personal attack and one then has to take to a forum full of strangers to tell them your friend was mean because they were honest.

45! thought you were talking about a 20 year old! Disgusting imo does she have kids/married? Hope she used protection

That's vile. The poor friend.