I know I was wrong to judge but how would you react ?

[thickandcreamy]

My best friend (45) was recently away for a long weekend in another country with one of her uni friends . She met a guy she fancied and told friend to head back to hotel alone as she wanted to stay out with this guy she had met .

a few hours later best friend returned to hotel with the guy and had sex with him while her friend was in the other single bed beside them .

when she told me this , I spoke without thinking and I do admit I was judgemental, i probably should of said nothing . But I told her that I thought what she did was grim, and it was out of order bringing a stranger back to a room without consulting her friend and even worse she had sex with him with her friend asleep in the next bed . I said if I was said friend I would be questioning how much she values their friendship for her to dump her for a one night stand whilst on a girls trip in a foreign country.

she is now annoyed at me for what I said .

am I clutching my pearls too tightly or am I right in thinking it was grim ?

Must have been a pretty crap ONS then. Regardless she is gross

grim at 21, totally unacceptable at 45

Of course she didn’t.

And putting herself in danger with some strange man is one thing, getting her friend involved by bringing said strange man back to their room for sex, while friend is asleep is shockingly stupid and thoughtless, apart from gross.

She also left her mate to walk back to the hotel alone in a strange city.

@Neetra30i agree. I was wrong to impose my morals on her . She genuinely is a fantastic person & friend . I suppose she thought she could confide in me .
But she didn’t seemed phased about what she did at all . She was laughing telling me what she did .
But I could tell she wasn’t happy with my reaction.

That is grim.

I'd be absolutely furious as the friend - bringing back a random bloke while I was vulnerable asleep in bed would be the end of a friendship.

I think it is grim to do that in a room which is shared with a friend, who has no idea about what's happening! I would hate to wake up and find a random bloke in the room I thought I was just sharing with a friend. I'd feel that it was really crossing boundaries. And there's also the safety aspect and the fact that I wouldn't want to unintentionally cop eyes on a half naked guy when I'm not expecting it!

I think sometimes it's OK to "impose your morals" on somebody. Like when they've done this, for example.

Zero regard for her friend's comfort, privacy and even safety. She just treated her friend with complete contempt. Why aren't you allowed to have an opinion about that? At what point are you allowed to acknowledge that a person has done something grim?

Presumably she would treat you like that as well.

Yuk. It’s bad enough hearing someone in the next room.

It's 100% her choice as to whether she wants to pick up a guy on a night out, whether or not she wants to have sex that night, whether or not she's happy to have him stay in her hotel room not knowing him etc etc.

But if that was my friend and she had let a random bloke into my bedroom while I slept (regardless of the sex) I would be absolutely livid from a safety perspective. The having to essentially have to witness them having sex is also grim and would end the friendship for me, not because I'm a prude but because it's such a lack of respect.

Maybe underneath she knew what she did wasn’t really acceptable, and your reaction reinforced this. So she was cross with you as it reinforced what she knew deep down.

This I have had it happen a couple of times to be when I was much much younger - one friend apologised a lot as was quite drunk and thought I had passed out. We were young and it was just about ok.

at the age I am now - no way

Bollocks - what understanding does she need? She did a really grim thing to her friend- I’d very openly judge that and I’d not be making her feel better about it.

Eurgh, that’s horrible. I had a friend do this to me about 22 years ago and I can still remember how mortified I was as I lay as still as possible pretending to be asleep whilst listening to heavy breathing and groaning. I thought it was rude and disrespectful then as a 22 years old, and I still think it’s rude and disrespectful now as a 44 year old.

I honestly think we’ve got to a point where people should be judged and shamed more for their actions when it comes to situations like this.

Sometimes I think there should be more judgment in life.

Did she ask her friend if she was comfortable with them having sex inches from her? If not then this is just rancid.

yuck
even smithy and nessa managed to make it into the ensuite!

if her friend really did manage to sleep through inches away, it it can't have been particularly good sex either.

Totally gross and I'd be judging too.

But you didn't impose your morals on her. You told her what you thought of what she had done. You are allowed to express what your moral view of that behaviour is.

Of course she fucking didn’t. At best she pretended to be asleep to be polite/avoid conflict. At worst she pretended out of fear of an argument and having nowhere to go in the middle of the night in a foreign country. In reality it’s somewhere in the middle. I think you’re spot on for telling her. She is so far out of order she can’t see the order.

Worse than grim. The friend was put it that sexualised situation without her consent.

That’s just vile. 🤢

She’d have known what I thought without me saying anything, I can’t hide things like that.

If her friend has any self respect, she will never speak to her again. The laughing about it is just so immature. It is like she thinks nothing of her friend. Disgusting.

I mean, I travelled for most of my 20s and spent a lot of time in hostels. So I’ve heard a lot of people having sex and I’m sure others have heard me too so I’m not shocked by it.

I don’t think you should feel bad for sharing your opinion though, OP. As you can see from this post, it’s something a lot people find disgusting so you’re certainly not in the minority. If your friend does feel embarrassed by your reaction, she probably isn’t too comfortable with her behaviour either.

this may be just me but I’d find it quite threatening and frightening to have two people having sex a few feet from me, especially one of them an unknown man