I know I was wrong to judge but how would you react ?

[thickandcreamy]

My best friend (45) was recently away for a long weekend in another country with one of her uni friends . She met a guy she fancied and told friend to head back to hotel alone as she wanted to stay out with this guy she had met .

a few hours later best friend returned to hotel with the guy and had sex with him while her friend was in the other single bed beside them .

when she told me this , I spoke without thinking and I do admit I was judgemental, i probably should of said nothing . But I told her that I thought what she did was grim, and it was out of order bringing a stranger back to a room without consulting her friend and even worse she had sex with him with her friend asleep in the next bed . I said if I was said friend I would be questioning how much she values their friendship for her to dump her for a one night stand whilst on a girls trip in a foreign country.

she is now annoyed at me for what I said .

am I clutching my pearls too tightly or am I right in thinking it was grim ?

I would never share a room with my friends on holiday.

This is grim and I would end a friendship over this. Not the sex with a random but the disrespect of bringing a stranger into my personal space.

That is absolutely vile, and probably counts as indecent exposure. Judge away, @thickandcreamy- your friend deserves it.

Why does the friend need ‘understanding’? This wasn’t a traumatic event she has been through!

This was a selfish, and rather disgusting, thing she did to her mate for her own selfish pleasure.

There is nothing wrong with speaking out at selfish behaviour. There is something wrong with tacitly condoning selfish behaviour through staying silent.

Well done for speaking up OP.

Oh that is grim. I probably would have said something too, op.

There’s nothing wrong with being judgey you know - being judgey helps us to pick better friends and protect ourselves from twats. It makes life easier and less dramatic.

That is grim and she put her friend in a vulnerable position by bringing a complete stranger back to the room.

Or pretended to. You’re hardly going to perk up in the middle and ask for introductions are you?

But I have to echo all those who find it grim, just completely NO!!!

I don’ think i could have stopped myself openly judging, either.

You aren't wrong to judge at all.

She was engaging in very risky behaviour. Fine for her if she really wants to do that to herself, but very much NOT fine to expose her unwilling and unconscious friend to the same risks.

I would have been furious if I awoke to find a strange man in the hotel room, and would never have spoken to the idiot again.

Grim at best, downright dangerous at worst.

Not only did she dump her friend in a foreign city to take up with a random stranger, she brings him back to their shared room and has sex in the next bed, and SHE needs understanding?! She definitely needs to understand that she totally crossed the line of friendship and endangered them both, she’s 45 ffs! But sure, don’t call her out on it! 🤦‍♀️

She is 45 and her moral compass decided it's was OK to have sex in a bed next to her friend ! Nope I would have definitely told her this was way out of order .
What a selfish and weird thing to do.
Not to mention bloody sad she's so desperate to sleep with this person she thought her friend wouldn't wake.
Or didn't care if her friend did wake.
She must be such a dick

She did something despicable and also put her friend in potential danger with a strange man. You are 💯 right to judge. Dump her, she’s no friend.

YANBU that’s really gross. I don’t think I could have stopped myself from saying so either.

Ha ha ha Was wondering why you didn't give a shit about the office of National statistics. Then it clicked. One night stand
I can be slow sometimes. Most times these days if truth be told

Not great behaviour to the friend she was on holiday with but that’s for the friend to address, not you.

Understandable to have your own reaction but she is not your child for you to tell off.

I think you went too far in your lecture . “OMG your poor friend being subjected to a ringside seat” would have done.

Forcing someone to witness a sexual act can be classed as sexual assault. This isn't just grim, it is potentially illegal.

Choosing to put herself in danger is one thing, choosing to put a friend in danger is another.

This wasn't you forcing your morals on her. She already forced hers on her friend. I very much doubt she didn't wake up, if she is like every other 40 something woman I know.

Shamed? Wtf? Like you said it was grim so why can’t people tell her it’s grim? Why do people think they deserve some sort of free pass for any sort of behaviour if it’s sexual? It’s like the people who whinge about kink shaming because they get off on strangling or punching their partner but it’s cool because they get their rocks off at the same time. What she did was gross to her friend who most probably was awake and didn’t consent to a stranger man being in her room. So it’s fine to shame her because what she did is something she should be ashamed of.

It’s not the ONS or casual sex that I’m judging. It’s the dumping her mate.

No you were honest!! Sounds like she needs to hear some honesty.

It was grim - first, abandoning her friend and then bringing the random man back to the hotel. You were right to call her out, it sets boundaries in case you ever go away together. If she doesn’t like it, that’s on her. Guilty conscience maybe!

I've been the "sleeping" friend in this situation. Except I wasn't sleeping, I had to pretend to be asleep as they were mid-BJ a foot away from my face in the next bed in the room I had paid for after a college graduation. Yes it was grim, yes I felt very very uncomfortable and no you are not wrong OP.

I judged my then-friend; not because of her sexual exploits but because she chose to put me in that situation. That's unforgivable. I never told her what I knew and the friendship never recovered.

30 years ago I was that friend and pretended to be asleep. Still remember it! It's grim. You and your friend have different values so unlikely this friendship will last anyway.

I would have said ''what the hell do you think you are doing go out and be dogs somwhere else you revolting creatures" and no there is no hiding behind a computer screen if I was awake I would say this or words to this effect

Hilarious. Oooo be kind. Bugger that. Her friend is far too old to be having a drunken shag with a random in a shared room and then laugh it off.Foul.
I allowed someone ,who was 2 years ahead of me at college ,to sleep on my living room floor when she came back for her graduation. She brought her new boyfriend. I had no idea this was going to happen. There was only a wooden bifold door between me and them and it didn't shut properly . It was 1985. This thread has brought back the horror of listening to the 2 of them 😬 Hearing other people grunt and puff is grim. Being in the same room during the event is unbelievably revolting.

Good for you 👍🏽

I told my best friend, several decades ago, how I felt about her picking up two men in a club and bringing them back to her home (where her children were sleeping) to have sex with them (after dismissing the baby sitter). Our relationship died that day.

Many, many years later, God (the universe/fate if you prefer) brought us back together, and I discovered that she was terminally ill. I was able to support her children and be at her bedside when she died.

If it's meant to be healed, God will heal it.

Agree completely. I do NOT want to see/hear other people's sex.
But I really really don't want a strange man in my room while I'm sleeping.

I don't care how many men someone sleeps with, sexual liberation is a powerful things for women.

But bringing a strange man back around her Sleeping friend without the friend's consent is vile, disgusting behaviour. Her friend was vulnerable, unaware and who knows what would have happened if this was a bad guy.

Also waking up to sexual activity literally happening beside her??? I'm sorry, but we don't have sex in front of unconsenting people. If this happened in any other situation people would be taking it far more seriously.

I could not be friends with someone who was so careless with her other friends. It says a lot about her character.