Well I've just lost my daughter due to the Supreme Court ruling. s

[Lucelady]

So as not to drip feed she's a Ftm trans person and a universty student.
I've just been called a TERF, JKR supporter and transphobic. We've had four years of peace and understanding with her not wanting any surgery or hormones. She listened to the ruling last week and we chatted it through. The last few days she's been glued to the Internet and her phone. Now it's all changed and her 'friends' have called for action. What that action is I've no idea.
She's stormed out.

Financial support is a thorny issue for parents with adult DCs. I’m a lone parent and I’ve supported my kids through 6 years of uni so far with 2 more to go. I am growing weary of it - would like a life of my own and the chance to spend my hard earned cash on some things for myself! The least I’d expect is the right to express an opinion of my own without DC storming off out. Likewise they can express an opinion without me cutting them off.

In other words stay quiet like a good womenz.

Good grief

Life just be hard for you @LoneAndLoco (and those around you)

🤐

@loneandloco I said parent not women.

Oh that kind of detail is always ignored by posters so keen to blindly make their point

Parent or woman. What difference does that make? We are entitled to express an opinion. As this is MumsNet you can guess the vast majority of parents on here will be women.

Yes but that poster presumably wasn’t just referring to mumsnet posters

“parent”

ie father and mother

Emotions are running very high at the moment. The OP’s approach of avoiding an inflammatory subject has worked well for her in the past. The daughter is - thank god - not on hormones. My goal is to maintain a relationship and build trust with my YA child while hoping and praying he stays off toxic ‘treatments’ and has time to mature and come out the other side because I love him. Everything I do, including biting my tongue when they are upset, is towards that goal. I believe things will calm down - social media storms pass ever more quickly. I’d advise not catastrophising or making things a thousand times worse by cutting off financial support or throwing your child out of the house, which will only to reinforce any poor opinion of her mother, throw her deeper into the trans/online world and increase the risk of her seeking out irreversible and damaging ‘treatments’. If you want to ‘talk through’ the ruling, i recommend you do it with a like-minded friend, as I do.

I eloped very soon after I graduated even though my parents kept all my life savings so I only had the equivalent of a few hundred euros that I saved from my salary as a law firm trainee in my home country.

I was 22, my fiancee paid for my air ticket to Europe and I lived at his flat. He used student loan money. I didn't talk to my parents for around a year, they had no idea what I was up to (getting married and applying for visas).. I moved to London a year later. 10 years on, I visit my home country when I want to usually once a year or once every 2 years, barely talk to my parents. They did return my savings and give me a big wedding gift once they realized they had no financial control over me.

She has a boyfriend, that could happen. When young people are determined they can do anything. I even managed to buy a flat in London without them at 26 with dh, and they didn't know until months after I did it.

Are you still with him?

Yep. 10 years married in July, same month our first and only son would be born.

She has a boyfriend, that could happen.

She has no funds of her own whatsoever
and she reacts to a disagreement like this

I don’t think someone like this even remotely has the gumption, commitment or means to do this

That remark is made totally out of context. It was made in response to a comment about me saying that DD/DO and I have exhausted everything there could possibly be to say on the trans subject and neither of us has changed our opinion one iota. Now we don't discuss it any more, as what would be the point?Both of us can now accept that the other has a different opinion and because we love and respect each other we talk about other things that don't result in an argument.
I have and do say plenty on this subject to other people just not my DD/DO.
I have not been silenced and have never stayed quiet in my life 😉.

She’s upset. Lots of people are. I totally support the common sense of the SC ruling but others genuinely feel threatened by it, Don’t make a single row into more than it is. The OP is upset and catastrophising about losing her daughter. The last thing she needs is to be egged on to make things worse by cutting off support/throwing her out. The daughter will graduate soon, get a job and would be in a position to walk away, which would make the OP very unhappy. The goal here is to have a good relationship long after the current heat has gone out of this news story.

@Namechange7598 thank you for your post.
My DD has many years of study to go, long haul!

It’s not a joke really .
It’s exactly what’s happening. There’s no reason huge numbers of kids are suddenly identifying as trans gender aside from it being in vogue.
They want a world where sex doesn’t matter so be it.

So the JKR supporters then?

You’re stating that she is a female to male trans man and referring to them as she and as your daughter? Well that’s got to be a flag right there! Surely you should be referring to him as your son? This post literally stands out as you not having acceptance.

Have you read all of OP's posts or just reacting to the first post in a thread of several hundred because you're so keen to tell someone off?

You’re being highly disingenuous. Supporting a political party - however much you personally disagree with it - isn’t being captured. That is a word used specifically relation to cults. If you believe humans can change sex or that people have gendered souls it is akin to believing the royal family are lizards or that the earth is flat. And if people around you are complicit in the delusion then they are part of the same cult. They don’t have political disagreement.

Hope that helps.

Why would anyone ever refer to their daughter as ‘he’? That would be nuts

Huh?

I am responding to a previous post referencing her own past experience of moving abroad with a boyfriend.

Very different to the girl in question I was pointing out

The fact he's FTM and you keep saying "she" "daughter" "her" is probably the problem.

Regardless of all the arguments on both sides your child has consistently for 8years asked for help and support in presenting the way they feel. And regardless of anyone else's opinion on the ruling, its left your child in distress. You dont deserve naming calling or swearing, but your kid is crying out for support and reassurance and honestly that's all you need to know.

So listen, offer comfort without judgement and accept this may be something you feel differently about but your kids an adult now and if you don't act like you're on his/her side you, you could lose them.

This isn't about being right, it's about being supportive.

Best of luck

There is no excuse for your DD to be abusive towards you.
However, this must be a difficult thing for her to deal with knowing that, as far as the Law is concerned, she'll always be female. This will only really affect her life if she finds herself in some sort of trouble.
As far as her friends are concerned - if they are genuine friends - she'll be whoever she chooses to be, which, IMO, is all she needs in life.
Trouble with Unis is that they can act as an "echo chamber" where only the "approved" version of things is heard, no doubt once things have calmed down, so will she and hopefully come back with a suitable apology.