A thread for those who don’t have friends in real life.

[Showmethefood]

Hi everyone,

I don’t know how to start this thread, so we’ll just go with being plain honest! I’m in my 30s and I don’t have any friends in real life! Of course I have acquaintances/people I can chat to if at certain events - but no real life friends 🙈

It’s really hard to feel accepted for who you are sometimes, and so many of us have to alter our personalities to try and fit into the work environment (or even to fit in with our families). So, I wanted to start a thread for all those who don’t have friends in real life. A place where people can come and leave updates on how their day has gone, how they are feeling, what their interests and hobbies are, and just have a good chat!

So, a little about me:
Im married and have a teenager.
I have a gorgeous cocker spaniel.
Ive almost (one year left) completed my degree in psychology and counselling.
I have just written my first children’s book and am currently in the process of self publishing it.
Im starting a new job in a school this Friday.

Please feel free to join and let’s keep this thread a safe place where we can (hopefully) begin to make some friends and not feel so alone. ❤️

Hi I’m almost 50 single, have two grown up sons
my youngest has just left home, I have no real friends anymore, well I have work friends, we try to meet up outside work once a month which is nice.
Before covid I was always out with what I called party friends, I wasn’t particularly close to them we just went out sometimes partying the night away, but lockdown came and we just lost touch, it’s strange though as one of them has invited me to her 50th weekend away, I’m going but I think well why am I going as I never see you lol oh I don’t know 🤷‍♀️
a couple of other friends I was close to treated me bad so I stopped contact with them.
I have tried meeting someone to have a relationship with but all the dating sites I’m on are terrible, so getting nowhere, all I seem to do is go food shopping and do housework, life is getting boring 😢 maybe I’m feeling this way because my son has only just left home.

Hello. I'm lonely.
I have some things to do, which I can't get away with not doing.
Had a bad night's sleep, so feel horrible.
Tried reading a book but wasn't enjoying it.

I hope you are having a better time. Sorry about my self-pity.
Thanks for being here.

Hi @BillieNoM888 . We are here for you :) I know how it feels to have to do things you’d rather not. I also am putting off preparing for work tomorrow. I had a really lovely day yesterday listening to my audiobook. I couldn’t help but think “how lovely would it be if I could do whatever I wanted all day every day.” No doubt I’d be bored - but I’d still like to experience it 😂

Thanks.

Hello all, @BillieNoM888 I am sorry you are feeling lonely and worse from a bad nights sleep, that can colour a lot of things badly I think.
It's funny you mentioned trying to read (hard when you are tired though!) as when I read I feel less lonely. What do you like to read? I hope you sleep better tonight.

Thanks @shadypines . I was reading a 'factual' book but it wasn't entirely accurate about something I believe I know about, so it annoyed me. I'll read more of it, but I think it's one of those books that people buy around Christmas.
I'm trying to get through some of those types of books.

I should have read a novel that I could get engrossed in, but I wasn't in the mood for what I had to hand.

It helped a lot to come on here and 'talk'.

Sometimes it would be nice to talk to people in real life, and if there was someone who cared enough to give me a big hug.

Hi,

I’m one of these. I’m 37, have a partner, an 8 year old and a puppy. I’m just not very people-y anymore and I never really had friends anyway. I’ve never been the type to have a group of girlfriends to go out with and I wonder what I’m missing. I do worry about what it’ll be like when I’m older and if I’ll be alone.

@BillieNoM888 it's nice to know people aren't so alone with feeling they have no friends and it does help you to message on here. I often get that feeling too, it would be nice to talk properly, and it's harder in the modern world I think.
Books with errors are unsettling, as then you start to wonder are there any others!
Hello @BeagleSkunk welcome, I'm not sure it works to fit in others patterns of friendships, big groups work for some not others, it all depends on the person. I think you have just got to try and find what works for yourself, however big or small. Perhaps having a puppy is a good thing and at least you meet other dog walkers?

@shadypines , thanks. I've been decluttering a bit today. Not that the place looks any better, but at least I made a start. I decided to corral all the bits of paper to one place, so that I can file them away.
Had another bad night's sleep, but at least that book I'm reading will be finished soon. I have learnt stuff from it.
I started a thread about something, and in praising someone who answered, a poster left me feeling that she might as well have said 'the OP is a complete dimwit'. Probably didn't mean it that way.
The poster replied several times but I didn't understand the answer.

@BeagleSkunk Ooh, a puppy! What breed is he/she? If you live in a very dog walking-friendly area, you will meet a LOT of new people simply through venturing out with your dog, so it will be socialisation for both you and your new pup. Admittedly, there might be some days when you are cursing the fact that you can't just have a quiet dog walk, especially if your pup is a social butterfly, or just cute enough that they attract way too much attention when out😁

I hope that your scan went well, @Showmethefood ! (I do apologise for the late reply, but I haven't ventured on this thread for a while!)

Here he is- he’s a beagle. Very social and attracts attention, he’s a right tart.

I do see a lot of people out walking, some recognise us which is nice. I guess it’s just finding people that transition from acquaintances on the sidelines of your life to those that you’re comfortable having in your space. I’ve never been great at that.

What a gorgeous dog!!

Thank you! He’s only 4 and a half months old, so he’s still a bit of a pickle!

He looks lovely, @BeagleSkunk ! Your only issue is that Beagles aren't very popular, so he will attract lots of attention. Just beware of having him on a long lead and him wandering through something like a bed of rhododendrons. I remember my mum having to help someone to disentangle their Beagle and long lead from where it'd got wrapped around the very well-established rhododendrons!

My first was a very beautiful and classically-marked Border Collie. I am not particularly sociable. She liked EVERYONE and we had so many people stopping to admire her, or talking about when their parents/grandparents had a collie! I also have one that isn't of a common breed, so people tend to avoid us now, as she has Doberman/Rottweiler colouring, but is of a questionable breed to most! Thus, we are now generally viewed with suspicion unless people know us!

Ah a bit of decluttering is always so satisfying! I have been doing decluttering and tidying lately and have founds of stuff I had lost!

Sorry you had a bad experience of a poster on another thread. There are some really nice people on here, but some really not as well. It can be a bit brutal at times. I think some forget that there are real humans with real feelings on here.

Thanks. Did a bit more today, but only a tiny bit really. I should be ploughing away at it but once I stopped, my attempts to get going again were making me wobbly.

The biggest problem is that i don't feel I can go out and do things because I must declutter and clean, but I sit quivering not doing it.

The MNer probably didn't mean it, but yes it touched a nerve.

Finished the book and it's been added to the pile to go to charity.

What was your book about? I have some books to read but they are about miserable topics and I don't think they will do my mental health any good at the moment. I have been gathering old comedy shows, think Porridge, Dad's army, It ain't half hot mum etc, and will be watching those soon instead. Bit of light relief plus a bit of social history.

Can you do something like set small target of decluttering, such as one shelf, and then go out as a reward? Maybe listen to some music, or radio or podcast you like whilst you do it?

@deepermining , it was about UK geography. I'm reading a grammar one now, and opened it at something I needed to brush up on and there was a sentence with a word missing in it.
They're 'stocking filler' type books that I bought in a charity shop, and don't want to hang on to, but I feel I'll miss out if I don't read them.

I find that the rom-com type books can be quite good as a distraction. You know there will be a happy ending, and it's undemanding. Complete fluff but no worse than watching a film. Not my usual reading matter, but when I'm at rock bottom I need it.

There are some cracking comedies to revisit. The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin is one.

So far today I have got up, been extremely nervous and tried to read up for a job interview. Set up for the interview - check software working etc, tried to look professional but not trying too hard. Had the interview, was still nervous but the interviewer was great. It's something niche, so I'm fairly hopeful.
Cooked lunch. Cleaned about 1 sq foot of floor (had to find it first). Put 2 things in bag for charity shop.
Will do a bit more.

So do you like non-fiction too then? I prefer reading non-fiction.

I'm reading a grammar one now, and opened it at something I needed to brush up on and there was a sentence with a word missing in it That's funny!

I love anything with a happy ending. I really don't like reading or watching anything that is not guaranteed this. I have never really liked miserable ' arty' films but particularly could not tolerate them now.

That's great about your job interview! Really rooting for you to get it! Good luck!

Well done on your cleaning and sorting efforts too!

I spent some time today watching a bit of a Catholic service from outside (big glass fronted doors). I really liked the calm and majesty and ritual of it. I think I would quite like to go to help calm myself, but the cathedral is a bit far away.

Fiction and non-fiction is fine, @deepermining . I try to read things that will leave me better for having read them, and don't normally read the supermarket-type books.
Not out of snobbery, but I find them completely forgettable or I don't like the writing style. That's not to say I don't like page turners.

Could you go to any church? I'm not RC, but I will go to pray in the church. I've been baptised and confirmed, but not as CofE or RC.
Failing that, i find that by a stretch of water - pond, river, lake is a good place for some peace and reflection. Failing that, somewhere in nature.

Lapsed on the cleaning today and bought some craft items. Good purchases but probably more clutter.

@BillieNoM888 I think I'd really like something quite rhythmic and spiritual. Where I used to live there was quite a lot of ' Christian spirituality' type events, christian meditation and so on, and I really liked that. I can't find anything like that where I live now though.

I've tried a couple of protestant churches but honestly found the services boring! Did find an evangelical church that did excellent really interesting sermons but I didn't like some of their beliefs.

I'm not particularly religious, I have too many issues with the theology, but I do still feel 'drawn' and really like the contemplative, more meditative spiritual side.

What craft items did you buy? I really admire people who can do crafty things.

A large town or city will probably have some options. I'm not particularly religious either but I have faith. My Nextdoor usually has some spiritual events listed.

Lampshade kits and fabric. It will be fun, if and when I get round to making them.
Should look a little bit like this but brighter fabric Artisan Abstract Dandelion Lampshade | Neith Textiles

I also got Song Map - Street Map Made Up Entirely From Song Titles – Dorothy
Charity shop £1, unopened. I couldn't decide if it was embarrassingly naff or not.

@BillieNoM888 That lamp shade looks absolutely lovely! You are talented to be able to make something like this!

I think that map is brilliant! Really clever. I like quirky things like that. I think you can definitely frame that on your wall!

I do live in a city ( but it’s more like a town really) but haven’t found any spiritual things other than very alternative spiritual things which weren’t so much my thing and which you have to pay for anyway.

I was thinking after you mentioned crafty things, what crafty things I would like to be able to do. I think wood carving would be number one. I love sculpture. Then sewing. Then quilting. Does quilting count as different from sewing? I do like a nice warm bed and a quilt!

my kids are younger but yeah, not looking forward to them not wanting to spend time with me anymore!

Could you try to use this as a time to find your own hobbies and interests? Maybe that would help?

Anyway, welcome to here!

Hi @BillieNoM888 Did you hear back after your interview?