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Original poster

Paying for someone else's disgusting behaviour

228 replies

Worryabouteverything · 19/04/2025 19:04

DH and I went to a big birthday party for a dear friend.
Towards the end of the night 2 men decided they wanted to
have a fight (don't know these men or why they had a fight)
A few of the tables and lots of glasses were broken.
The venue had to call the police as it was getting out of hand.

Today the hostess received a bill from the venue to pay for the damage.
She has now asked for all the guests to put money towards the payment.
(£20 per person) There was about 100 people there.
I don't think we should be paying this. Surely it's these men that pay or
the hostess as it was her guests that caused the problems.

I've not replied yet as I don't know what to say.

OP posts:
PiriPiriMenopause · 21/04/2025 00:07

hahahhaha!! NO!

Rollonsummer2025 · 21/04/2025 00:25

We were at a wedding. My BIL got mad drunk and attempted to swing on a chandelier. He badly damaged it. He had to pay.

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 21/04/2025 06:08

I would be really upset if a friend of mine sent a message asking for money in this situation and would be wondering if she was scamming me.

Especially when it is clear cut that eight individuals were responsible and it was at a venue that would likely have insurance too.

It's bizarre behaviour in the extreme.

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 21/04/2025 06:11

Whynotaxthisyear · 19/04/2025 22:32

It depends how she asked. If she said that the perps were refusing to pay a penny and she couldn't make them, but she couldn't afford to pay the bill herself and would be hugely grateful for any contributions, I would give her a ten or twenty quid. If she asked as though it went without saying that we would contribute, I'd ignore her.

Even in this situation, this what the small claims pathway is for. You pay the bill, ask the twatty 8 to pay 1/8 each and if they don't, take them to court.

Asking decent folk to pay for the behaviour of drunk assholes sends a very bizarre message.

laraitopbanana · 21/04/2025 07:37

She what??

her guests, her responsibility.
Actually, 2 men…their responsibilities but I doubt they will pay so…her responsibility. She will probably choose her guest list wiser next time.

Ignore, message got lost.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 21/04/2025 09:43

I don't drink alcohol at all; but I will never, ever understand why so many people will willingly and deliberately drink so, so much booze that they will end up shredding every trace of their dignity in public in this way.

I get it with alcoholics and addicts, who are in the grip of it and now have no personal capacity to resist; but most people who do this are not at that stage - and they must know how they are inevitably going to humiliate themselves in front of everybody.

I see toddlers doing such crazy things in front of everybody that demonstrate a complete absence of judgment or personal responsibility. Of course, that's entirely normal at their age, and not shameful at all; and I'm sure I was exactly the same when I was 2 or 3.

Why a full-grown adult - one with full agency and capacity without the addition of alcohol - would actively decide that they wanted to behave like a strong, violent version of a tiny child for all of their friends and family to see, laugh at and be mortified for is completely beyond me. Utterly shameless.

Original poster
Worryabouteverything · 21/04/2025 11:17

Me and DH have just walked past the club and there is a full metal gate over the front door with a sign saying use the side door when we are open.
These doors are big heavy double doors with safety glass, so the men must have really smashed into them.
No wonder why the bill is so high.

OP posts:
TonTonMacoute · 21/04/2025 11:46

So your friend simply needs to tell the venue that the perpetrators are known and they can contact the police for details to make a claim against them.

Thats not how it works! Jeez, how many times do we have to explain? Why on earth should the venue have to go to all that trouble and expense?

If there is a court appearance the magistrate will almost certainly insist they reimburse your friend.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 21/04/2025 11:53

I also feel sorry that OP's friend and her family won't now be able to use that venue again in the future.

Even though she didn't in any way join in with the fighting or cause any of the damage herself, it was booked in her name. Her name will now have been added to their 'Refuse any bookings from these people' Book of Shame in big red letters.

Unless her name is Smith, Jones or Williams, anybody else with the same surname wanting to book the venue will also either be grilled beforehand as to whether they're related to her or otherwise will just be instantly refused.

pollymere · 21/04/2025 12:46

I think eight men need to pay £250 each. The police know who they are. We'd expect kids to understand that poor behaviour has consequences so these "men" need to learn that too. I'd also expect a huge bunch of flowers to be sent to the hostess.

CrotchetyQuaver · 21/04/2025 13:11

I would reply it's not your responsibility, you won't be paying anything and she should be pursuing the men that were fighting for this money.

RavenhairedRachel · 21/04/2025 14:29

Tell her to jog on

Darkclothes · 21/04/2025 14:45

OP- when you spoke to her for an hour, did she say why she didn't contact the 8 men for payment instead of the rest of the guests? Is she going to contact them?

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 21/04/2025 17:09

Check you have no.legal obligation to pay. Which l think you dont.

Then tell her to fuck off as she is a grade one chancer.

Original poster
Worryabouteverything · 21/04/2025 17:22

@SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess why would any guest have an obligation to pay.

The obligation is on the person who booked the event. Ok she didn't know that
some of those people were going to fight.
I'm sure on the booking form it would say that any damages that person would have to pay for.
Maybe the club would have insurance but as soon as a claim is made then their premiums will increase. And then the club will increase any prices from the bar, room hire etc. They will then receive bad reviews for being expensive.

OP posts:
AngelicKaty · 21/04/2025 17:42

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 21/04/2025 17:09

Check you have no.legal obligation to pay. Which l think you dont.

Then tell her to fuck off as she is a grade one chancer.

Huh? Of course OP has no obligation to pay! 😂 The contract for hire is between OP's friend and the venue.

QueefQueen80s · 21/04/2025 18:30

Darkclothes · 21/04/2025 14:45

OP- when you spoke to her for an hour, did she say why she didn't contact the 8 men for payment instead of the rest of the guests? Is she going to contact them?

This needs answering, as it is the logical way

QueefQueen80s · 21/04/2025 18:33

Bonniethetiler · 20/04/2025 23:37

I am focusing on a different thing. That does not make me wrong and you right.

Show quote history

You are a lone voice in a sea of posts all saying the same thing.. so in this case you are wrong.

Bonniethetiler · 21/04/2025 18:34

QueefQueen80s · 21/04/2025 18:33

You are a lone voice in a sea of posts all saying the same thing.. so in this case you are wrong.

Show quote history

No, you're right. Being out-numbered on Mumsnet is proof if proof is ever needed that one is wrong. I retract all I said and I now think the friend is being a CF.

I am indebted to you for putting me right. HTH.

Crudd99 · 22/04/2025 18:25

Either message back and say 'no' or ignore her. Her party , her problem. Did you have a say in inviting the 2 who had the fight? No? It's not your problem. She's a CF.

MyKingdomForACat · 22/04/2025 18:26

Er, no

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 22/04/2025 18:35

I'm trying to imagine a world where you attend an event knowing that if there's damage, you will have to pay a % of the costs.

What about people that went home early? Is there an obligation on the fit and healthy to stop the fight to mitigate losses?

DraigCymraeg · 22/04/2025 19:36

Worryabouteverything · 19/04/2025 19:04

DH and I went to a big birthday party for a dear friend.
Towards the end of the night 2 men decided they wanted to
have a fight (don't know these men or why they had a fight)
A few of the tables and lots of glasses were broken.
The venue had to call the police as it was getting out of hand.

Today the hostess received a bill from the venue to pay for the damage.
She has now asked for all the guests to put money towards the payment.
(£20 per person) There was about 100 people there.
I don't think we should be paying this. Surely it's these men that pay or
the hostess as it was her guests that caused the problems.

I've not replied yet as I don't know what to say.

You don't pay a penny.
Pick friends who do not behave like animals.

Beccaboo0979 · 22/04/2025 19:49

She is definitely out of order here. She should be sending the bill to the cockwombles who caused the damage. They were her guests/friends and it's not for you to pay for their stupid behaviour.
Whatever the bill is ÷8 of the ejits

QueefQueen80s · 22/04/2025 20:20

Bonniethetiler · 21/04/2025 18:34

No, you're right. Being out-numbered on Mumsnet is proof if proof is ever needed that one is wrong. I retract all I said and I now think the friend is being a CF.

I am indebted to you for putting me right. HTH.

Edited
Show quote history

It does, thankyou. ♥️
😂