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Original poster

Paying for someone else's disgusting behaviour

228 replies

Worryabouteverything · 19/04/2025 19:04

DH and I went to a big birthday party for a dear friend.
Towards the end of the night 2 men decided they wanted to
have a fight (don't know these men or why they had a fight)
A few of the tables and lots of glasses were broken.
The venue had to call the police as it was getting out of hand.

Today the hostess received a bill from the venue to pay for the damage.
She has now asked for all the guests to put money towards the payment.
(£20 per person) There was about 100 people there.
I don't think we should be paying this. Surely it's these men that pay or
the hostess as it was her guests that caused the problems.

I've not replied yet as I don't know what to say.

OP posts:
Svet19 · 20/04/2025 13:01

Any updates OP?

Weald56 · 20/04/2025 17:48

lovemycbf · 19/04/2025 19:30

theres no bloody way I’d be paying even a pound towards this
it’s her responsibility not everyone else’s
cheeky cow

This 100%

Greenshed · 20/04/2025 17:51

No way. Absolutely not. The ones who should be presented with the bill are the two morons who chose to have a fight. It’s not your responsibility - don’t do it.

Original poster
Worryabouteverything · 20/04/2025 17:53

Ive not replied to that message.
Speaking to someone else who was there is also going to ignore it.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 20/04/2025 17:59

Nope. Absolutely not, unless you were involved in the kerfuffle (love that word).

Laura95167 · 20/04/2025 18:03

Unless you engaged in the altercation it's not your bill to pay

Saying that £20pp with 100 guests means a bill of £2k for her. If these weren't her guests, I'd help her challenge the bill. If she has to pay it I wouldn't begrudge a dear friend £20 to help her as the victim of this incident

Thisisittheapocalypse · 20/04/2025 18:10

I'd ignore the message. The people fighting should pay for the damage. If they don't, tough lesson for the hosts ... they need better friends.

GlitteryRainbow · 20/04/2025 18:24

I’d pay if it was a really close friend who couldn’t get the fighters to pay and would be struggling to pay it all herself.

If the fighters are refusing to pay she or the venue might be able to take them to small claims court.

asrl78 · 20/04/2025 18:24

The people who caused the damage should be paying, although people often object to being asked to take responsibility for their behaviour, so how the host goes about that I don't know. I wonder if the host believes they have no chance of being recompensed by the two men, therefore asking everyone else to contribute is a desperate attempt to avoid being out of pocket.

Pogue4Life · 20/04/2025 18:28

Worryabouteverything · 19/04/2025 19:04

DH and I went to a big birthday party for a dear friend.
Towards the end of the night 2 men decided they wanted to
have a fight (don't know these men or why they had a fight)
A few of the tables and lots of glasses were broken.
The venue had to call the police as it was getting out of hand.

Today the hostess received a bill from the venue to pay for the damage.
She has now asked for all the guests to put money towards the payment.
(£20 per person) There was about 100 people there.
I don't think we should be paying this. Surely it's these men that pay or
the hostess as it was her guests that caused the problems.

I've not replied yet as I don't know what to say.

I don’t think I would be able to just ignore that kind of message. I would have to reply that surely it’s up to the people who caused the damage to pay not innocent guests.

GiveDogBone · 20/04/2025 18:31

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 19/04/2025 19:05

Ignore her, as most of the 100 will.

I wouldn’t ignore her, write back and say you won’t pay a penny and the two who had a fight should pay it all.

Maddy70 · 20/04/2025 18:38

GreenSkyes · 19/04/2025 19:06

I'd want to not pay and tell her to send the bill to the men fighting. She'll know who they are.
However, if they're good friends I'd send £20 (£10 each). Your friends definitely being a CF though 🤣.

This is what I would do. Tbh bit i would ask them why the two blokes aren't paying it all!

JHound · 20/04/2025 18:44

Ignore it, it’s nothing to do with you.

She has a cheek for asking.

Bonniethetiler · 20/04/2025 18:45

You start the thread by saying "DH and I went to a big birthday party for a dear friend." You are now saying you are ignoring her message.

Irrespective of the fact that she's asked for £20, I'd have been on the phone to her late morning after the event to ask how the hell she is, and to get the low down of what the aftermath of the situation is after the end of her birthday party was ruined.

She's either a dear friend or she isn't. Which is it?

BethDuttonYeHaw · 20/04/2025 18:49

The venue should have insurance for this but otherwise your friend needs to pass the bill to the men involved. Your friend shouldn’t have to pay either.

Bonniethetiler · 20/04/2025 18:53

BethDuttonYeHaw · 20/04/2025 18:49

The venue should have insurance for this but otherwise your friend needs to pass the bill to the men involved. Your friend shouldn’t have to pay either.

Yes and if it was my friend -a dear friend at that- I would have called her hours ago to finds out how she was.

pimplebum · 20/04/2025 18:57

Weird all the posters suggesting you ignore this message

this is a friend !

she is basically making you partly responsible for this debacle and needs to be told you are not responsible- she clearly must think that you are or why else would she send you the bill - did she witness the whole event?

defo needs the response above 👆

Itiswhysofew · 20/04/2025 19:00

She's got some brass neck. CF.

CousinBob · 20/04/2025 19:05

Your poor friend, having to contend with this. How distressing to have her celebration spoilt.
I’d reply with commiserations, but suggest she gets the money recouped from the two men.
Would she be able to afford it if they don’t pay up?

Frauhubert · 20/04/2025 19:05

‘ha ha, didn’t know you were into communist spirit philosophy, bye’

ilikemethewayiam · 20/04/2025 19:10

As PP said, the venue will have insurance for this (or should). Not your circus and all that. Ignore!

SaladSandwichesForTea · 20/04/2025 19:14

"I'm not paying for someone else's fight 🤣 I didn't even get good seats!"

Blink53368865 · 20/04/2025 19:26

Did they cause £2000 of damage?

Bonniethetiler · 20/04/2025 19:29

Blink53368865 · 20/04/2025 19:26

Did they cause £2000 of damage?

You cannot expect the OP to know that as so far she's doing all she can to ignore her "dear friend".

LoveTKO · 20/04/2025 19:29

Bill to the fighting men - their fault.