Paying for someone else's disgusting behaviour

[Worryabouteverything]

DH and I went to a big birthday party for a dear friend.
Towards the end of the night 2 men decided they wanted to
have a fight (don't know these men or why they had a fight)
A few of the tables and lots of glasses were broken.
The venue had to call the police as it was getting out of hand.

Today the hostess received a bill from the venue to pay for the damage.
She has now asked for all the guests to put money towards the payment.
(£20 per person) There was about 100 people there.
I don't think we should be paying this. Surely it's these men that pay or
the hostess as it was her guests that caused the problems.

I've not replied yet as I don't know what to say.

Her just sending that message to all her friends is going to ruin a lot of those friendships

On the other hand, if you take the OP as one of those friends, she didn't even get in touch with the woman in question to ask how she was.

If there's one thing I've learnt from reading mumsnet over the years, it's that what people on it consider makes a friend is very different from what I've always thought it to be. Maybe for some their friends are easily replaced, I don't know.

I have no idea, that's why if she was my dear friend I'd help her challenge it

Ignore the message. I'd be rethinking the friend too as sounds like a CF. Not your circus and monkeys.

I agree; but ime, these kind of people are very good indeed at getting other people to keep fetching (and paying for) drinks for them.

I would ignore this message.

Agreed. I worked in hospitality but back office for a while. Would hop on the bar to help out during unexpected busy occasions. Some people are functioning alcoholics and you have no idea how much they had before they entered the venue (or what else).

it would be interesting to know the relationship this group had to the friend, because if they were close, they should be making it right to her the very next day.

if they were walk ins who confronted an invited guest, then the venue has to accept responsibility.

overall though, it’s not up to the rest of the guests to pay for the damage.

No way should you pay ... the cheek of asking .

Good grief! Do people not understand the concept of a contract or agreement.

Hostess needs to look at what exactly she agreed to when she hired the venue! She is almost certainly liable. Why should the venue take the hit because of someone's ghastly badly behaved guests!?

I've just got off the phone to my friend.
I explained that I didn't think it was on the other guests
to pay for any damage these people caused.
It seems that I wasn't the first to be upset in being asked to pay.

She was understanding and sent the message after receiving the email
from the venue as very upset with the fight and the cost of the bill.
It is claimed that the front door was broken as well as tables, glasses
and a light in the entrance hall.
We left by a side door so didn't see the front door.

The men who were fighting had been held in custody overnight.
It involved 8 men and it was over football and someone was going
out with a former girlfriend of another.

It involved 8 men and it was over football and someone was going
out with a former girlfriend of another

Disgusting behaviour, bunch of animals

In any of that, did you ask how she was? I feel mortified for your friend om numerous levels, and I don't even know her.

@Bonniethetiler of course I asked how she was.
We were on the phone for over an hour.

Spot the cheeky fucker.

Idiots involved in the fight can pay- no one else

I don't think feeling sorry for someone who's had their birthday party ruined by eight people having a punch-up and then being ignored by their friends makes me a cheeky fucker.

£20*100 people =£2000
£2000/8 men = £250

Has she asked the men to pay up first?

So your friend simply needs to tell the venue that the perpetrators are known and they can contact the police for details to make a claim against them.

Yes to this.

Because you’re focusing on the totally wrong thing. This woman is asking her other guests to pay for damage caused by a few animalistic drunken thugs. It’s absolutely bonkers, she doesn’t deserve to be asked how she is.

I am focusing on a different thing. That does not make me wrong and you right.

Don’t think that will work, the woman will be liable for it as it was her gathering, why should the venue have to chase 8 separate people trying to get money out of them and anyway if they were the type of men to get into a fight do you really think they are going to be the type of men who will easily pay up to a venue

She invited dickheads.

If they aren't dickheads they'd be putting their hands in their pockets and wouldn't have had a fight in the first place.

Poor friend probably felt obliged to invite her husbands idiot friends who acted like idiots.

After seeing the update, yet again, women being asked to sort out men's testosterone/booze fuelled behaviour.

OP, I'm glad your friend seems to recognise that she had a bit if a panic after speaking to the venue. Hopefully the 8 blokes can cough up £250 each, plus a little extra for an apology gift for your friend.

I would leave it to her to sort the money from the 8 culprits. She invited them.
It's none of my business.

@Worryabouteverything Thanks for the update OP and well done for listening to your friend and sympathising with her whilst maintaining your position that it's the responsibility of the eight thugs to pay the £2k, not the other 92-odd well-behaved guests. Unfortunately, it will be on your friend to pay for the damages to the venue as only she had a contract with them, however, I hope that the eight morons, now that they've sobered up, realise it's on them to stump up £250 each and that they do so promptly.