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Original poster

Paying for someone else's disgusting behaviour

228 replies

Worryabouteverything · 19/04/2025 19:04

DH and I went to a big birthday party for a dear friend.
Towards the end of the night 2 men decided they wanted to
have a fight (don't know these men or why they had a fight)
A few of the tables and lots of glasses were broken.
The venue had to call the police as it was getting out of hand.

Today the hostess received a bill from the venue to pay for the damage.
She has now asked for all the guests to put money towards the payment.
(£20 per person) There was about 100 people there.
I don't think we should be paying this. Surely it's these men that pay or
the hostess as it was her guests that caused the problems.

I've not replied yet as I don't know what to say.

OP posts:
Dery · 20/04/2025 19:35

@Worryabouteverything - I don’t think she’s truly a dear friend if you’re happy to ignore her. She’s asked for £20, not a fortune. The hotel will be looking to her, not its insurance, to cover this. Of course, the thugs should pay but they may not and there’s not necessarily an obvious legal basis for her to sue them. The hotel won’t wait for her to recover the money from them anyway.

In any case, I feel sorry for your friend that this happened at her party and her dear friends are happy to ignore her and leave her to stew.

Bonniethetiler · 20/04/2025 19:36

Dery · 20/04/2025 19:35

@Worryabouteverything - I don’t think she’s truly a dear friend if you’re happy to ignore her. She’s asked for £20, not a fortune. The hotel will be looking to her, not its insurance, to cover this. Of course, the thugs should pay but they may not and there’s not necessarily an obvious legal basis for her to sue them. The hotel won’t wait for her to recover the money from them anyway.

In any case, I feel sorry for your friend that this happened at her party and her dear friends are happy to ignore her and leave her to stew.

Edited

Well said.

TonTonMacoute · 20/04/2025 19:37

Hostess should check the terms of her hire agreement with the venue, first and foremost.

As non-fight-participating guest I would be contributing nothing I'm afraid.

HouseofDreams · 20/04/2025 19:37

I wouldn’t ignore a dear friend but I’d definitely be asking why she isn’t billing the two fighting men in full?

TonTonMacoute · 20/04/2025 19:49

Your friend is almost certainly liable. She is entitled to ask the culprits to reimburse her, but they are not obliged to I don't think. That should be her first recourse. If they don't, I hope they don't get invited to any more parties any time soon.

I don't really see why other guests should pay, it just means the disgusting fighty men have got away with it, apart from anything else. They might be able to help her strong arm the guilty into paying though.

If you have friends that are likely to start a lunch up it might be worth looking into getting your own insurance, which should be a lot cheaper than paying for damage.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 20/04/2025 19:54

ilikemethewayiam · 20/04/2025 19:10

As PP said, the venue will have insurance for this (or should). Not your circus and all that. Ignore!

I presume the venue's insurance is primarily for things that are beyond their (or anybody else's) control and accidental damage.

This was very obviously deliberate damage (nobody forced the brawling men to drink so much and then fight), so they shouldn't have to claim on their insurance - likely paying a large excess and the inevitable increased premiums.

It's unfortunate for the OP's friend, as she is now liable by default as the hirer; but she is effectively the 'guarantor' for the two men, whom she will now need to pursue to pay for the damage that they caused, or otherwise pay it herself.

Cookiebix · 20/04/2025 19:59

As the host I'd push back to the venue. If you're running a business serving people too much alcohol this is going to happen and that's what their insurance is for.

Is the bill for £2000 or has she asked for £20 pp in the hope that enough will pay?

Bonniethetiler · 20/04/2025 20:05

Cookiebix · 20/04/2025 19:59

As the host I'd push back to the venue. If you're running a business serving people too much alcohol this is going to happen and that's what their insurance is for.

Is the bill for £2000 or has she asked for £20 pp in the hope that enough will pay?

Is the bill for £2000 or has she asked for £20 pp in the hope that enough will pay?

Again, you cannot expect the OP to know that as so far she's doing all she can to ignore her "dear friend".

AthWat · 20/04/2025 20:08

Bonniethetiler · 20/04/2025 20:05

Is the bill for £2000 or has she asked for £20 pp in the hope that enough will pay?

Again, you cannot expect the OP to know that as so far she's doing all she can to ignore her "dear friend".

Show quote history

Would you like to say "dear friend" again? I'm not sure you've said it often enough yet.

Bonniethetiler · 20/04/2025 20:12

AthWat · 20/04/2025 20:08

Would you like to say "dear friend" again? I'm not sure you've said it often enough yet.

Show quote history

No problem. Here you go: "dear friend".

HTH.

TonTonMacoute · 20/04/2025 20:13

Cookiebix · 20/04/2025 19:59

As the host I'd push back to the venue. If you're running a business serving people too much alcohol this is going to happen and that's what their insurance is for.

Is the bill for £2000 or has she asked for £20 pp in the hope that enough will pay?

She needs to look at the terms of the hire agreement.

Snowfalling · 20/04/2025 20:22

Laura95167 · 20/04/2025 18:03

Unless you engaged in the altercation it's not your bill to pay

Saying that £20pp with 100 guests means a bill of £2k for her. If these weren't her guests, I'd help her challenge the bill. If she has to pay it I wouldn't begrudge a dear friend £20 to help her as the victim of this incident

How on earth is the damage coming to 2k for some glasses and tables?? Are you sure she's not looking to make a quick buck? or that the venue is?

AthWat · 20/04/2025 20:25

I would think that if the police ended up being called because it "was getting out of hand", then it wasn't just the two people involved. Fights between two men don't go on long enough for the police to even arrive and break it up. At a guess there was a group, or two groups, or people at the party who bear some responsibility for what happened, but the friend has cast her net too wide as the OP is not among them.

Testingmypatience1 · 20/04/2025 20:26

What a cheek!!!!

SavageTomato · 20/04/2025 20:26

That is entirely a police, insurance company and contractual matter for her to sort out. Absolutely nothing to do with her guests. Fucking cheeky beyond belief. Ignore.

FuckityFux · 20/04/2025 20:29

Bloody Weird! Do you think she’s trying to recoup some of her expenses and using this fight as a bizarre excuse to grift off her friends? 🤔

AthWat · 20/04/2025 20:30

SavageTomato · 20/04/2025 20:26

That is entirely a police, insurance company and contractual matter for her to sort out. Absolutely nothing to do with her guests. Fucking cheeky beyond belief. Ignore.

Except, it is something to do with some of the guests. At least two, and quite possibly more.

SavageTomato · 20/04/2025 20:35

Cookiebix · 20/04/2025 19:59

As the host I'd push back to the venue. If you're running a business serving people too much alcohol this is going to happen and that's what their insurance is for.

Is the bill for £2000 or has she asked for £20 pp in the hope that enough will pay?

Why th fuck is it the venue's fault? They didn't ask for those arseholes to rock up and start fighting. Client needs to fix it. And I bet the contract says that. She's just not willing to confront the fighting dickheads, so is trying it on with all the other guests. Fuck that.

TheSilentSister · 20/04/2025 20:35

Your friend hosted the party so it's her responsibility. The venue will be pursuing her, not all the other innocent guests!
There will be a Police report so she should pursue the culprits via the small claims court. Although I'm surprised the venue aren't pursuing them direct anyway or maybe it was a condition of hiring a room that she was responsible for damages.

Imagine going to a pub where a fight breaks out and the landlord demands money off everyone there. It's totally unreasonable. She's a CF.

Mary28 · 20/04/2025 20:56

That's quite weird of her. I agree it's got nothing to do with you.
She should be chasing after the two men for sure for the money, so should the venue I would have thought to be honest.

Cookiebix · 20/04/2025 21:03

SavageTomato · 20/04/2025 20:35

Why th fuck is it the venue's fault? They didn't ask for those arseholes to rock up and start fighting. Client needs to fix it. And I bet the contract says that. She's just not willing to confront the fighting dickheads, so is trying it on with all the other guests. Fuck that.

Show quote history

The venue do have a responsibility to stop serving alcohol when people have had too much though. Plus it's an occupational hazard if you make your living from selling booze.

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 20/04/2025 21:04

I think the term is expensive friend, not dear friend.

dogcatkitten · 20/04/2025 21:04

I don't think you should pay and I do think the idiots that caused the damage should pay. But having told your hostess all of that, I probably would contribute the £20, it's not her fault and not a huge amount of money.

Bonniethetiler · 20/04/2025 21:06

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 20/04/2025 21:04

I think the term is expensive friend, not dear friend.

I think the word "friend" is the word that should be scrutinized most, seeing how the OP is now ignoring her.

ManchesterLu · 20/04/2025 21:13

Absolutely no way. They know exactly who caused the damage. I would expect it was the responsibility of the venue to press charges and then sue for damages.

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