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Original poster

Paying for someone else's disgusting behaviour

228 replies

Worryabouteverything · 19/04/2025 19:04

DH and I went to a big birthday party for a dear friend.
Towards the end of the night 2 men decided they wanted to
have a fight (don't know these men or why they had a fight)
A few of the tables and lots of glasses were broken.
The venue had to call the police as it was getting out of hand.

Today the hostess received a bill from the venue to pay for the damage.
She has now asked for all the guests to put money towards the payment.
(£20 per person) There was about 100 people there.
I don't think we should be paying this. Surely it's these men that pay or
the hostess as it was her guests that caused the problems.

I've not replied yet as I don't know what to say.

OP posts:
BlackBean2023 · 19/04/2025 21:13

Thinking about this further, I wonder if she’s had to put down a security deposit and she’s lost it so this is her way of trying to recoup the cost?

it would still be a no from me!

fatgirlswims · 19/04/2025 21:13

No way that is insane. Imagine having the arrogance to even ask you for it.

is she not mortified?

Mo819 · 19/04/2025 21:14

I'm sure the venue will have insurance

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 19/04/2025 21:15

When you hire a venue, they normally ask the customer to be liable for any damage. They won't claim on their own insurance. I assume your friend is liable unless she can get the money off the troublemakers.

I can see why she might ask the whole group as a small contribution will probably cover it. I don't think many people will pay up though. What a horrible situation for your friend.

Praying4Peace · 19/04/2025 21:17

I'd pay the 20 to make life easier for your dear friend

lifeonmars100 · 19/04/2025 21:19

No way do you own any money whatsoever, ignore her. Were any arrests, any statements taken by the police, any charges? Hopefully the men who caused the upset and damage have all been named and identified and will be pursued for the costs of their criminal damage

JustMyView13 · 19/04/2025 21:19

Tell them you’d like them to pay £20 towards a massage, as witnessing the fight was incredibly stressful for you. They can offset the £20 they want from you, against the £20 they owe you for the massage & call it quits.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 19/04/2025 21:20

I agree that the kind of people who would be mortified and instantly and apologetically insist on covering the damage that they caused would absolutely not be the sort who would start a stramash and cause so much of a ruckus at somebody else's party in the first place. Even if they had beef with another partygoer, you'd expect they would have some dignity and take it outside.

However, as for people saying that the damage probably didn't cost £2,000 - I agree, but she's probably reckoning on most people not contributing, so she's asked for £20 each hoping for, say, 10 or 20 people coughing up.

CremeEggThief · 19/04/2025 21:21

I think your thread title is a bit misleading. I live in an area where fights among males at these sorts of events are relatively common, so I would class it as being daft after too much to drink, rather than disgusting.

That said, nobody but the people responsible should be paying anything for any damage! Do not put your hand in your purse, OP!

Zebedee999 · 19/04/2025 21:21

Shubbypubby · 19/04/2025 19:06

They need to claim on their insurance.

No they shouldn't! Why should the venue and insurers (i.e. the public) absorb the cost? The imbeciles that fought should pay. Actions have consequences. Why should the imbeciles have no consequences?
Too many people nowadays think along these lines.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 19/04/2025 21:21

The two men who caused damage pay for it. The hostess probably has something in the contract they signed which is why they got a bill for the damage.
I'd certainly not be contributing to this if I'd not caused the problem in the first place.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 19/04/2025 21:23

CremeEggThief · 19/04/2025 21:21

I think your thread title is a bit misleading. I live in an area where fights among males at these sorts of events are relatively common, so I would class it as being daft after too much to drink, rather than disgusting.

That said, nobody but the people responsible should be paying anything for any damage! Do not put your hand in your purse, OP!

Just because lots of people choose to act disgustingly, that doesn't stop their behaviour being disgusting.

By that reckoning, any crime would not be disgusting, as long as enough people commit it!

findingnibbles · 19/04/2025 21:24

She should refuse to pay and redirect the venue to the men who were fighting. She’s not their responsible adult.

Lavender14 · 19/04/2025 21:25

I'd respond and say that you will not be contributing and suggest that the two men involved cover the full expense.

Brigitte33 · 19/04/2025 21:25

That's insanely wild that she's expecting anyone other than the two fighting fools to pay for the damage.

cabbageking · 19/04/2025 21:26

They know who these men were, and I would be asking them to pay

findingnibbles · 19/04/2025 21:26

CremeEggThief · 19/04/2025 21:21

I think your thread title is a bit misleading. I live in an area where fights among males at these sorts of events are relatively common, so I would class it as being daft after too much to drink, rather than disgusting.

That said, nobody but the people responsible should be paying anything for any damage! Do not put your hand in your purse, OP!

That just means you live in a rough area and have normalised it, not that the behaviour isn’t disgusting

katseyes7 · 19/04/2025 21:36

Not. A. Chance.

Billionthtimeivenamechanged2025 · 19/04/2025 21:36

Worryabouteverything · 19/04/2025 19:04

DH and I went to a big birthday party for a dear friend.
Towards the end of the night 2 men decided they wanted to
have a fight (don't know these men or why they had a fight)
A few of the tables and lots of glasses were broken.
The venue had to call the police as it was getting out of hand.

Today the hostess received a bill from the venue to pay for the damage.
She has now asked for all the guests to put money towards the payment.
(£20 per person) There was about 100 people there.
I don't think we should be paying this. Surely it's these men that pay or
the hostess as it was her guests that caused the problems.

I've not replied yet as I don't know what to say.

Did this happen at a place with the initials RL? If not a very similar incident happened recently at a place my friend went to

gestruggelt · 19/04/2025 21:38

I wouldn't be paying that.
I'd just say I didn't cause the damage and those that did need to pay for it, not all the other guests who behaved properly.

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 19/04/2025 21:44

Say what now? Her guests had a fight and smashed the place up causing damage, and she wants everyone else to pay the bill for the damage they caused? Is she really that thick that this one needs spelling out to her?

Tbrh · 19/04/2025 21:45

Ignore it. She pays or makes the men pay.

Richiewoo · 19/04/2025 21:51

Nah tell her to get it off the people who were fighting.

Blogswife · 19/04/2025 21:56

No way would I pay. It’s neither your fault or your responsibility

Scentedjasmin · 19/04/2025 22:03

That is the definition of cheeky fuckery and I am chuckling at the audacity!
It was their party, their responsibility. Presumably the venue has insurance? If they are able to extract the money back for those responsible, then they should. But it is certainly not your problem. It's a pretty bold ask of them. I would ignore or tell them that you bear no responsibility. Point out that had you personally damaged any items, you would of course have offered to reimburse the venue.

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