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Original poster

Paying for someone else's disgusting behaviour

228 replies

Worryabouteverything · 19/04/2025 19:04

DH and I went to a big birthday party for a dear friend.
Towards the end of the night 2 men decided they wanted to
have a fight (don't know these men or why they had a fight)
A few of the tables and lots of glasses were broken.
The venue had to call the police as it was getting out of hand.

Today the hostess received a bill from the venue to pay for the damage.
She has now asked for all the guests to put money towards the payment.
(£20 per person) There was about 100 people there.
I don't think we should be paying this. Surely it's these men that pay or
the hostess as it was her guests that caused the problems.

I've not replied yet as I don't know what to say.

OP posts:
LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 19/04/2025 20:07

Yep, I agree with others, no niceties. Just 'LOL, you're having a laugh mate! I'm not paying!' She's trying to screw people over. Two grand for a few glasses and a broken table? Give over! 😂

SwanOfThoseThings · 19/04/2025 20:07

I would feel sorry for the friend. The kind of people who start a punch up probably aren't the kind of people to pay for their damage, and this must have really spoiled the special occasion. If she really was a 'dear friend' I might be inclined to bung her £20 just to make her feel better (if I could afford this, obviously).

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 19/04/2025 20:07

Absolutely not. While I have sympathy for her, it's not anyone else's responsibility beyond those who had the fight. I'd suggest that she pursue them for the costs. Ignore totally.

Veggielepsy · 19/04/2025 20:13

It's not pleasant for her but no, I feel that she should be following this up with the scrappers. you didn't know the men involved so it's a cheeky request for the full amount. If she gets a response from everyone then she doesn't pay anything. I'd ask if she has followed up with those involved.

YourFairCyanReader · 19/04/2025 20:16

Two men started to fight, but then what? That doesn't lead to £2k of damage on its own, it would be broken up/security chuck them out. Did others get involved so it ended up involving many more of the group?

enigmainthemist · 19/04/2025 20:20

BoredZelda · 19/04/2025 19:58

This is not perfect it is weak and flouncy. The woman having the temerity to ask other guests for the costs should not be handled with kid gloves and flowery sweet language.

What’s perfect is an outright No.

Show quote history

Exactly. What kind of entitled idiot is she that she expects innocent people who did absolutely nothing wrong to pay for the damage two of her drunken guests did?

This is on HER to recoup the costs from the people responsible, not to harass her friends for cash for something they have absolutely no responsibility for.

Bloody cheek of her

NewsdeskJC · 19/04/2025 20:20

Bearing in mind

  1. you didn't cause the damage
  2. you didn't invite the people who did 3)what did they do to cause £2k of damage I'd hold onto my money
8misskitty8 · 19/04/2025 20:20

I wasn’t involved you’ll need to send the bill to the men that were.

rosehipstalk · 19/04/2025 20:24

8misskitty8 · 19/04/2025 20:20

I wasn’t involved you’ll need to send the bill to the men that were.

This is exactly what I'd be sending. No cushioning the blow, just a simple: you will need to contact the people who actually caused the damage for the costs.

Thats it. There is no need to be overly saccharine or apologise- the facts are- you didnt cause it so you arent paying.

nomas · 19/04/2025 20:26

YANBU, don’t pay a penny. I doubt the venue are even asking for £2k, she’s probably trying it on.

dogteefs · 19/04/2025 20:32

nomas · 19/04/2025 20:26

YANBU, don’t pay a penny. I doubt the venue are even asking for £2k, she’s probably trying it on.

Yeah I suspect your "dear friend" is trying to recoup her money for holding the party, not the damage. No way would a couple of glasses and a table cost 2k.

She's trying it on. Nothing adds up about this story at all, its very fishy.

whitewineandsun · 19/04/2025 20:34

8misskitty8 · 19/04/2025 20:20

I wasn’t involved you’ll need to send the bill to the men that were.

If I replied at all it would be this. She's being completely unreasonable.

Vaxtable · 19/04/2025 20:37

I would go back and say sorry not my issue you need to get the two fighting to pay

Piusl · 19/04/2025 20:44

I think you just have to be blunt, no they weren’t my guests and I wasn’t involved so I won’t be paying that.

HunnyPot · 19/04/2025 20:47

Hostess pays. End off.

Orphlids · 19/04/2025 20:51

We had a similar situation last year. A teenager broke a lavatory off the wall and the venue was flooded. The organiser of the event put a post on Facebook asking all the guests to pay £20 each to cover the costs. In a rather disingenuous move, several of her friends commented, saying, oh, of course we’ll pay! They made it sound as though it was the first they’d heard of it, but in fact, I learnt from a friend it was an organised tactic to get the ball rolling and encourage the other guests to follow suit and cough up.

As the mother of the kid who’d caused the damage was happily posting photos of her latest family holiday, it didn’t look as though she was on the breadline,so I’ve no idea why she didn’t cover the costs. I wonder if she even contributed the suggested £20. But I sure as fuck didn’t. If my kid caused damage to someone’s property, they’d be paying for it with their savings.

SoInLuv · 19/04/2025 20:53

Barrenfieldoffucks · 19/04/2025 19:08

"Ouch! That is a blow, I can see why you are wanting to recoup that, but I think you'd be better off getting the people who caused the damage to pay for it, to be honest."

A perfect response 👌🏼

AngelicKaty · 19/04/2025 20:55

@Worryabouteverything Er, no, absolutely not. I'd feel sorry for the friend, of course, but if these two men have caused £2k worth of damage at the venue it's on them to pay for it, not all the other well-behaved guests - and I would reply to your friend along these lines. If the two yobs refuse to pay, she will have to pay herself and take them to the small claims court to recover the money - there must be plenty of witnesses to the fight who would be willing to provide statements to her (yourself included) as evidence to support her case.

Frenzi · 19/04/2025 20:55

The venue should have insurance.

If they want to persue it for compensation then they take your friend to court (as she is the named person for booking it.

It is absolutely nothing to do with you. Ignore - do not respond to the text.

GreenYodaFace · 19/04/2025 21:00

Ignore. No chance

crockofshite · 19/04/2025 21:04

The venue should pursue the fighters for compensation, or claim insurance, or hostess can pay for her friends awful behaviour.

I can't believe she even asked.

AngelicKaty · 19/04/2025 21:05

DoYouReally · 19/04/2025 20:05

"I know you must be really disappointed to be hit with a bill for damages but the hotel or you should be pursing the brawlers. I didn't contribute to the damage so I'm sure you'll understand I won't be contributing to the repairs".

Now this is perfect!

EdithBond · 19/04/2025 21:07

The men who caused the damage should obviously pay.

But, if they won’t or can’t and she’s struggling to pay, then I guess if she’s a good friend and you can afford it you could agree to help her out.

BigHeadBertha · 19/04/2025 21:10

I think the text is very inappropriate and pushy and therefore shouldn't be entertained at all, at this point. In fact, a reply is you taking a step into something you don't want to or need to be involved in.

After all, she'd likely then respond to you by arguing about why you should help pay for the damage. Is that really a conversation you want to have?

You don't need to deal with it just because she's trying to drag you into it. Don't answer. Delete.

If she wants to continue pushing it, let her work for it. I wouldn't make such entitled behavior easy for her. Ignore all texts or messages about it. If she catches you in person, just say something like, "No. I'm sorry that happened to you but it doesn't involve me." If she wants to argue, cut her off.

You wouldn't be being rude at all. She is.

Hastentoadd · 19/04/2025 21:12

Worryabouteverything · 19/04/2025 19:04

DH and I went to a big birthday party for a dear friend.
Towards the end of the night 2 men decided they wanted to
have a fight (don't know these men or why they had a fight)
A few of the tables and lots of glasses were broken.
The venue had to call the police as it was getting out of hand.

Today the hostess received a bill from the venue to pay for the damage.
She has now asked for all the guests to put money towards the payment.
(£20 per person) There was about 100 people there.
I don't think we should be paying this. Surely it's these men that pay or
the hostess as it was her guests that caused the problems.

I've not replied yet as I don't know what to say.

It’s not your problem,
Its her problem as the two men who were fighting were her guests, she can try and recuperate the money from them if she wishes or pay it her self

Its very cheeky behaviour on her part, you had no involvement in the breaking of the glasses

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