So how do I live in the female gender?

[Definitelynamechanged123]

There are 8834 people in the UK who have a Gender Recognition Certificate.
I am one of them.

To get it, I had to show evidence of transition, surgery etc. Lots of hoops

I also had to swear a Statutory Declaration. I had to go to a Magistrates Court and swear a legal declaration in front of a magistrate. It was all very formal.

I had to swear this:

" have lived as a (insert ‘male’ or ‘female’ as appropriate)
throughout the period of years before the date of this statutory
declaration and I intend to live in that gender until death."

This declaration is legally binding. Apparently if I don't follow this, I can be done for perjury.

So...how do I live as a female and live in that gender until death - I have sworn to do this in front of a magistrate.

I was very surprised that so few trans people have Gender Recognition Certificates.

“Living as a woman” is such an insulting legal fiction that as an actual woman it makes me feel sick that our biological reality is institutionally gaslighted and diminished as such. I hope that future generations are more enlightened and will respect women enough to be horrified that it was even a thing. Finding acceptance in who you are is the way to go for every human being.

I'm sorry for you, because you have been sold a lie.

Coming to ask a woman to look for you is a very male thing to do.

There must be something you felt you couldn't do previously, that you wanted to do and felt you had to be female to do it. So what was that?

As a pp said it can't be as simple as wearing a dress, having long hair.

You tell us op? I mean I, as a woman and single parent, do 100% of ALL household and domestic tasks. If am also the only person who has/is raising my offspring, and I also work full time. I’m the only one who take on all the mental load of everything, look after the garden, fills in the forms, fixes the leaky taps, builds my own flat packs, does the tip run, changes the tyres, makes the medical appointments and listens to and helps with my offsprings’ various woes, (the list goes on but you get the picture) but if I was in my current position and owned a penis, I would be doing exactly the same thing because none of those things are ‘gendered’ they’re just jobs. So ‘living as your acquired gender’ is actual bollocks. Unless you’re suggesting that doing all of the above wearing feminine clothing cut for a female form, growing your hair long, wearing make up and heels is what signifies you as ‘female gendered’ then you have your answer. Regressive bullshit. If a man with a GRC takes his make up off at night, is he in breach of these rules? Can he be reported for committing perjury or is it just a nonsensical piece of paper designed to make someone feel better about their lifestyle choices. A GRC holds as much weight as a pre-school participation trophy. But if you want to play along with the charade, because it makes you feel better, go for it.

You can live as something you may think you are and if that brings you happiness and peace, then I'm genuinely pleased for you. But you aren't and never will be a woman.

I would think you live in the female gender Just by being you 🤷🏻‍♀️, surely that is the whole point in your transition - because you believe your soul to be female. There is nothing to learn if that is who you are.

Be very aware of who is around you if you’re walking anywhere by yourself, especially if it’s dark. Walk quickly and carry your keys in your hand.

Carry all the mental load.

Put yourself last. You’re just a mum and a wife. Facilitate everyone else.

Know where all objects are in the house.

Because of everything I have gone through over the last 20 years and it was the certificate that would have given a chance to "prove" my transition - with the body changes and the surgery.

There isn't a "female gender" so you can't. Women are in the sex class of female. It is biology and is immutable. A male cannot ever become a female, it is a biological impossibility.

Gender is a social construct. You can choose to call yourself and present yourself however you wish. I genuinely wish you peace. But you can't "live as a woman." Being a woman isn't about what you wear, what you say, what you look like or what you call yourself. I actually find gender ideology regressive and based on sexist stereotypes. The only thing that unites all women is our biology. It's not something that anyone can choose to be or not be, it isn't a feeling....it just is. A male person doesn't know what being a woman feels like, just as I don't know what being trans feels like.

In terms of how you live, that is for you to decide as long as you understand that you are male, which cannot be changed (assuming you are a trans woman) and don't attempt to access women's hard fought for single sex spaces.

The whole thing is a mess to be honest. If Stonewall and the TRAs had spent less time trying to dismantle women's rights and more time campaigning for third spaces or services for trans people then we would all be better off I imagine.

Ooh, good one....

What got me was when my brother told me it wasn't about gendered stereotypes then decided that the gendered stereotypes made him a woman...

... I actually think that was what peaked me. It was utter nonsense and the exact opposite of everything women have been trying to do for decades.

I couldn't believe in him being a woman if it was about stereotypes because wtf did that make me?! It's gibberish. And legally is gibberish.

Historically the GRA was written with it effectively in mind to allow marriage before gay marriage was legalised. So this is now obsolete as a reason too. And it was based on homophobia to begin with.

The GRA is a deeply regressive piece of legislation and hardly the progressive beacon it's made out to be.

Take a pay cut. Always be the one that makes tea for your colleagues. Always be the one that remembers, and buys, birthday cards for colleagues and family, including the in-laws. Sacrifice your career to care for the kids and elderly parents, do all the housework, be the one that organises holidays, house insurances, fuel bills, plumbers. Be the one that spots when the kids have grown out of their clothes and buy them some more, make and take kids to doctor and dentist appointments, remember when it’s mufti day and what tombola item needs to be bought, make sure they attend and practice violin lessons, swimming club, chess club, makes packed lunch for the school trip and anything else that men don’t tend to even think about.

Always thank your partner profusely for putting the bins out for you.

Most trans people dont have GRCs and if male claiming to be women usually have no intention of having surgery. If you actually had surgery you are unusual.

I have no idea how someone who is not female lives "in the female gender". Those who say they are doing that seem to think it means living in a way that complies with 1950s stereotypes. Very few people born female actually do that so they are living their fantasy of being a woman rather than living as a woman.

What did you think you were promising to do?

What the heck is living as a female.
Wearing laydee clothes and doing laydee things?

It's a conundrum alright!
DH and I both work, both cook, both do DIY. Neither of us wear make up, we both have short hair, we both tend to live in jeans.
So how would anyone know?
I just am a woman. I have an adult female body. So that's probably it.

It's about as much use as a 50m swimming certificate.

This is too complicated, you're either born XX or XY. I would self identify as a postbox if I wanted to. I don't mean to devalue a person's sense of of identify in a flippant sense as I do realise.

But people are born female and stay that way and nobody can snatch that. You can't get around biology.

Because it's all a lie. "Lived as a woman", but you can't, because you aren't one, so I have an issue with that part of the GRC. It recognised their gender, not their sex.

Was the whole GRC rushed through too quickly legally? with it recognising the problems going forward? I wonder. GRA 2004. Its been questioned since for sure.

It clearly is now

Yes you were sold a lie.

I'm sorry to hear that you've obviously had a lot of challenges in your life. However, you will see from the many pps observations, that being a woman is not a life of ease and pleasure and we continue to be lesser in society.
Just try to live a decent life without hurting others and in the recognition of what the reality women's lives are like.

Even with the surgery, body changes and the certificate doesn't mean you are a woman.

Being a woman is not about 'feeling' like one.

Sex is binary. You were born male, you will die male. How you feel on any given day doesn't change the biological fact that you will remain the sex you were born, regardless of how you feel, or what you wear.

It's sad that people buy into this GRC nonsense, believing a piece of paper validates them.

It's also weird that you'd post on a female dominated forum for answers. Stereotypical male behaviour - man looking for women to sort out his problems.

And that lack of definition means this law is an ass, doesn’t it? You seem to have made a good case for removing the concept of a GRC - is that what you intended?